This isn't written from a prompt by any reverb prompters AND it is an important reflection on my way to restoration back to being 1000% myself.
I didn’t know how exciting it would be to get on stage again. I stepped out in the place that has, in recent years, but such a sanctuary for me last night and I actually felt really good.
It was the first time in months I was wearing makeup. I had been afraid to until now.
Some quick background so you can follow what the heck I am talking about.
Last Spring I took my first turn as an emcee for my friend’s cabaret/burlesque dance troupe. I said yes primarily because I had chosen to take a break from acting and this gave me the chance to be on stage and still practice my craft to a certain extent without the long term commitment of doing a show weekend after weekend after rehearsing from four to six months at a time.
I didn’t realize how fun it would be: telling jokes, telling stories, filling time when the dancers were changing from one very cute usually skimpy costume at a time.
Flash forward to August and my cancer - melanoma, specificallu, diagnosis.
I would have to have some melanoma taken from my face and have a reconstruction of my face in September. I wasn’t sure what this entailed, exactly, and while the surgery itself wasn’t as bad as it could have been, I have not enjoyed the recovery very much.
I didn’t know what to expect so I think I have been frustrated by my new right cheek more than anything else. Frustrated.
When Diana asked me again to emcee I thought I would be completely clear by December, surely, and I said yes.
I wondered about this wisdom as the date drew near but I really wanted to sing this time. I really wanted to try out some new jokes and I thought with a Christmas theme and me portraying Mrs. Claus it would be nothing but fun.
Well, it was better than that… it was nothing but pure, ecstatic fun from the time I stepped onstage the first time and until I thanked the crowd. Tonight I need to sew up my earliest schtick with my ending schtick. Gotcha.
I kept asking the leader, “Is it ok if I do….” And “Do you mind if I?”….and she said, “Anything goes,” which was such great freedom for me. I just prayed I didn’t insult anyone. I do know I made a lot of people laugh. As a performer, there is nothing like hearing people laugh and seeing each pair of eyes on you, whether you have a scar on your face or not.
The smiles weren’t about my heart shaped scar, covered for the first time with foundation and blush, they were about my capacity to enjoy the heck out of myself out there on stage and pass a little Ho Ho Ho onto everyone else.
Tonight I collected some new jokes to tell, some new stories. I will do even better on my song. The dancers got their kinks worked out and are even going to rehearse today before the show.
Did I forget to mention I am actually a part of one of the dance numbers? I almost feel like I am a dancing member now. Well, not exactly. My costume is nothing like theirs but hey, I did shake my grove thang.
I apologize for saying that. My daughters would be doing a face palm if they heard me attempt that BUT the show must go on and tonight, I will even insist upon getting photos.
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