Julie Unplugged

Please Listen: Twenty-four Years Ago Arid Mailboxes Dotted the Landscape (or Maybe They Didn't)

Please listen: I am not writing any of this in order for you to commiserate with any woe I have felt in the past present or perhaps even twenty-four years from now. I am simply calling myself into experience and inviting you along into that experience.

I can still smell the malty flavor of the budweister brewery as I remember early morning when twenty-four years ago I woke up and knew something wasn't right.
I didn't know that day ould change my perspective on life and leave me never the same again.

I had a friend and co-worker named Michelle back then. When I told her I would never be the same she shooshed me, saying, "Don't say that!"

Interesting how truth plays into the old way of thinking and behaving.

"Don't speak. Don't unruffle anyone else's perspective. Be quiet."

Twenty-four years later I still write of her on her birthday.

I've given up on not speaking and am open to both unruffling and being unruffled.
I remember sitting in a circle with other moms in similar situations. We were mothers stripped of motherhood. There was a Mom named Sandy who became a Mom after years of hoping only to have a stillbirth, like I did. She had her little girl when she was in her early forties. She would be in her mid sixties now.

I used to see her every now and then. I remember once we bumped into each other in a department store in a nearby mall. The store has since gone out of business and the mall sits, unappreciated with all its anchor stores finding the same fate. The mall is more empty than full.

I haven't seen Sandy since I got pregnant with Katherine who is now twenty-two years old. I wonder sometimes how she is doing, what became of her, how her life turned out.

I think Sandy then saw me as one of the Moms whose motherhood wasn't stripped away anymore.

This isn't entirely true, though.

I have never known the romantic aspect of a completely smooth pregnancy or a pregnancy without the whispers in the back of the head. I have never known a pregnancy as a fullness, I've known it more as a time to avoid the eventual emptiness of last year's waiting.

Ripples of silence from those moments live on in disappointments and the under currents of misunderstandings. I imagine this will more than likely inhabit my life indefinitely. I have become comforable with thaose ripples..

I don't celebrate them, but I don't stand at the metaphorical door to block their entrance.

Please listen: I am not writing any of this in order for you to commiserate with any woe I have felt in the past present or perhaps even twenty-four years from now. I am simply calling myself into experience and inviting you along into that experience.

Bloggers, Writers and Other Creative Folks: Why not participate in Let Your Words Flow? We offer new prompts to spice up your blogging, writing and creative thinking every day!

 

 Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Her word-love themed art will be for sale at a First Friday soon, when it is warmer than it was in December!, in Downtown Bakersfield. Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.

 Please stay in touch: Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot     

  Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook. (Thank you!)

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   © 2014 - Julie Jordan Scott - all rights reserved.

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"Gratitude turns what we have into enough" - Melodie Beattie in Let Your Words Flow: Inspiration for Your Blogging & Writing

Welcome to Let Your Words Flow: a Daily Quote, Prompt and Image for your Creative Inspiration.

If this is your first visit, you will want to visit our Let Your Words Flow Guide so that you will receive the most value from the life changing content you find here.

Now - on with today's inspiration

QUOTE

"Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
― Melodie Beatty

Questions:

Have you ever had a form of a gratitude practice such as a gratitude journal or being in a gratitude group? How would having a daily practice cause your life to change?

What confusion do you have right now that you would like to clear up?

How much thought have you given to your life work/business vision lately? How would active gratitude help you with that?

Lists

List five to ten things you are grateful for in your life right now

List five to ten concrete rather than abstract things you are grateful for right now? For example - your living room chair that you sit in by the fireplace rather than "home" or "Hugs from my spouse" rather than being grateful for love.

List five to ten things you are grateful for about YOURSELF.

List five to ten people you would like to write gratitude lists about... and then write them.

Bonus: Use any of the items on any of these lists as a writing prompt. Add "I remember" to anything on the list and free flow write about it for five minutes at a time. (or use the second traditional writing prompt below.)

Traditional writing prompts

When I think of gratitude, I think....

I am truly grateful for.....

 

 

 Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Her word-love themed art will be for sale at a First Friday soon, when it is warmer than it was in December!, in Downtown Bakersfield. Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.

 Please stay in touch: Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot     

  Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook. (Thank you!)

  Follow on Instagram

  And naturally, on Pinterest, too!

   © 2014 - Julie Jordan Scott - all rights reserved.

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Celebrating What Went Right in 2013

Three Days of #Bloggiesta Challenge + Fun - Amidst All the Other Fun I Keep Forgetting!

I have this fantastic – some might call it charming, I call it annoying and I figure fantastic is part of the way in between – habit of forgetting all the wonderfulness I plan to do. Tonight, for example, I double booked a birthday party and a foreign film. I also had an inkling to go out of town which obviously would not have worked but at least I wouldn’t be staring a choice in the face.

Oh, the other thing? Bloggiesta – a three day weekend of blogging fun I completely forgot.  This is all a link so just click from Bloggiesta on to check it out and join in.

Here I am, though, on the first day… and I can now officially make my to-do list so here goes:

1.       Visit and complete at least 6 mini-challenges

2.       Finish acquainting myself with my new computer. Windows 8 will not intimidate me!

3.       Focus on writing more short, visual blog posts. Write at least 3 with a bonus for extras.

4.       Write 3 List posts for publishing next week.

5.       Network with new #Bloggiesta friends. One way? Attend Saturday morning’s twitter party.

6.       Encourage others participating in Bloggiesta via commenting on their blog posts & cheering accomplishments on twitte

7. Research more on Wordpress and plan for switchover by November 1.

So you may wonder why 7 goals? Because I like the number 7 and I know all too well that thirty minutes from now when I’ve read some of my Bloggiesta Compadres goals, I will have more on the list.

 I look so forward to “meeting” everyone!

= = = = =

Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Her word-love themed art will be for sale at First Friday each month in Downtown Bakersfield. Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.

Please stay in touch: Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot    

  Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook. (Thank you!)

Follow on Instagram

And naturally, on Pinterest, too!

© 2013

Blessings Along the 2013 Road so Far: Autumn Moon, Day 3

Meredith writes:

From #augustmoon13 Meredith writes: Sometimes we get too caught up with life's circumstances. Count the blessings you've had to be grateful for this year.

 If I close my eyes and open my memory just a tiny bit, I quickly discover travel among my greatest blessings so far this year. I have traveled near and far – more far than near, though, and have sincerely enjoyed each moment of these journeys.

Darling Coffee House "Notes from the Underground" in San Francisco. I need to return there!

I started the year in San Francisco.

I should have known then it would be a great year.

In April, I visited New England and my daughter. I had few expectations that trip and I was completely open to anything. My trip was absolutely remarkable. I don’t know why there is even a slight fragrance of surprise in that last sentence.

In July, I visited the Washington, DC area. Emma and I stayed in Northern Virginia and I tootled around sights in Virginia, DC itself and Maryland. (To be published later today is an indepth post about my visit to Mt. Vernon. I will link when it is ready!) I need to go back and spend at least a month. I

Katherine and Samauel Geocaching in Northern Arizona near Flagstaff

could easily live in any of the cities I visited.

In August, we took our almost annual jaunt to Flagstaff. It was lovely, once again, and we heard stories new-to-us once again. Different, though, was visiting the Grand Canyon and taking a side trip to the Harvey House in Barstow. I am blessed we are all open to taking side adventures and allowing ourselves to turn the steering wheel in the direction of our fascinations rather than toward what other people insist is interesting.

Now back home, I have several health issues I am facing. I have two appointments next week which I know will lead to at least one surgery with the requisite time of recovery. I want to go to Yosemite to see Autumn color this year, so my biggest hope and prayer is to have a short enough recovery time to make that trip.

I am blessed with travel companions who are as quirky as I am.

I am blessed to be able to share these experiences.

Right now, in this minute, I am blessed with my back-to-school schedule.

I am filled to overflowing with contentment. Blessed looks like my face, eyes closed, face lifted, smiling and allowing myself to fully be here now. With you.  In these words. I am blessed you are reading.

 

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© 2013

Grace Offered & Grace Received: Choose to Do the Receiving Dance (Flashback to 2013)

 

Emma in a moment of frustration... circa 2009

Yesterday shifted from a maelstrom of frustration to a moment of grace right when my daughter Emma and I were ready to give up hope.

 I had spent the two previous days dealing with bureaucracy and trying to get Emma enrolled in a Concepts of Biology course at our local community college. Because her high school schedule was completely impacted, it was a necessity to approach her course work differently than the norm. The plan has always been to have her attend Bakersfield College during the Summer.

She took the assessments, she did all the new student activities and then we discovered one of her assessment scores was lower than the required pre-requisites. It had appeared we had driven into a brick wall of bureaucratic ugliness. Our final strategy was to meet with an educational counselor and plead for mercy.

At the college level, the mother isn’t the driving force of one’s educational planning, it is the student.

The counselor asked Emma’s permission to be present. She sat me down in the corner and spoke directly with Emma. Emma would ask me questions occasionally, I would respond only to Emma. When it seemed as if we were not going to make progress, a very stressed out Emma stood up and said, “Let’s just get out of here.”

The counselor said, “Wait a minute, Emma, I have an idea. This is very unusual but since you scored in transfer level writing and you are only a sophomore in high school, let’s see if we can get something to work for you.”

This counselor called the people involved with assessment and pleaded Emma’s case.

Choose to Do the Receiving Dance of Grace

She said things like, “This young lady is exceptional” and “I will take full responsibility.” She got Emma the opportunity to re-take the test that was holding her back from registration.

 

Emma was ecstatic. I was frightened. My thoughts immediately floated into the “Oh, no, she can’t have another disappointment right now.” I asked the counselor for testing advice. She gave one simple thought, “Don’t rush. Take your time.”

Using her yearbook as her photo ID, Emma slid into her testing spot while I waited outside. An hour later she appeared with a very wide smile. “I did it!” she said. “Perfect score!” She soared up the score brackets going even higher than where she needed to be to register.

I believe part of the reason was this counselor – a woman who had only known her for a few minutes – believed in her enough to go to bat for her. A stranger advocated for her.

To say our days were made would be an understatement.

I call this short chapter, “Grace offered to Emma by a stranger.”

Grace arrives in an assortment of packages. When we are open to receiving it, it seems to magically appear. I like to think of it in this way: when I hold my arms open and raise them to the sky to receive, I am able to receive. When I cross my arms over my chest in a defensive position, I am less able to receive.

It makes perfect sense when I choose to remember this simple truth.

I hear a mourning dove and a starling singing together outside my window. A few moments ago I heard chickens clucking from across the street. They wander out of the chicken coop at my neighbor’s home on a somewhat regular basis.

These are the sweet moments when I settle my forehead into my hand and lean against it, allowing it to support my mind which is oftentimes thinking too much, to just take a short siesta. I fall off to sleep and suddenly I am dreaming in little dribs and drabs of dialogue and images.

It hasn’t been a week with many supersized doses of delight.

I have been facing each day, though, as if I am rushing through a revolving door.

Do you know the feeling?

It doesn’t give much time to be aware of slight moments of grace and wonder you can meet and together create a better feeling than I had the moment before.

I know the everything-is-perfect school of thought as I am sure you know it, too.  Most of the time I can hang out there, but today, no way.

I have had enough of the unreturned phone calls, the times when people don’t respond and then a moment of grace appears and in an instant everything shifts.

The moments of grace I am choosing to build upon are the counselor’s defense of Emma, completely unexpected, and the birdsong, the chicken song, the sleeping of Walt on my toes as I took a rest yesterday.

You may have noticed the defensive, arms over my chest position in “today, no way.”

Drops of grace open those arms so that you and I may begin to receive more and more and more again and again and again.

I am open to more of that. How about you?

Are you ready to raise your arms to receiving?

Are you ready to do the receiving dance?

Today, I am looking back at this moment - and together in writing community we spent time in GRACE. If you would like to write with us - the moment-in-time is saved in a blog post with a replay of the live stream experience here. 

LIVE on #Periscope: Grace: Writing Grace - #5for5BrainDump unblock your stuck spots - #amwriting https://t.co/0fUE3b5SlU

— Julie Jordan Scott (@juliejordanscot) November 23, 2016

 

 

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Today I'm Playing with Optimism, Images and Words. What are You Playing with today?

Julie and Clelia, from the Nerd, Converge

This is just plain, flat out weird and completely normal for me.

I was lamenting yesterday, well, more accurate is whining, that I had not written a poem during the entire month of April which also happens to be National Poetry Month. This is not entirely true. I wrote several haiku and if I took out my notebook from my Berkshires jaunt and airport shuffle I would find some word-fruit ready to go through the juicer.

This morning, I remembered one of the books I set aside recently and then picked back up recently by a writer who was reminding us to try different forms, just for fun.

I decided to try what Priscilla Long calls a braid.

A poetic prosey braid of words.

Some of us are multitaskers, after all, and though I know the power of pure, clean focus, I also know there are certain items on my list of possibilities today that if I take on a task that fills more than one check mark, I’ll choose to do that.

Braid = writing practice + Character work (for the Nerd) + Blog Post = A moment of pure joy which is now available for your reading pleasure. First draft.

Ready? Go.

# # # # #

Tucked a bunch of her stuff in her purse. They are mine/hers for now, until she completely swallows each piece.

This was the tipping point. Cinderella running away from the ball and into the asylum.  Rose in breast before disappearing.

Yellow. Charlotte. Activism. Wallpaper. Societal. Sleep Cure. Never. Pick. Pencil.

She is each of us, all of us, none of us. She needs her things as I need mine.

Golden Key was “the talking key”, I remember, before the twist of the heel in the calf, while face kissed dirt.

Myself. Seldom.  ancestral . summer. Ordinary. Mere.  Secure.  John. Halls.

To remember we are here. To touch. Turn sting rays into velvet.

Another tipping point. The simple joy of buying nonsense at estate sales.

Why. Every. Creep. Fainted. Did. Path. Time. Across. Wall.  

# # # # #

I feel more than a tinge of guilt for not really caring whether or not you enjoy this bit of self indulgent folly.

It actually feels like more to me and I suppose that is what counts: how I continue to walk along my particular process. I love you, dearly, yes.

I would honor your particular creative process too, yes.

Today I am playing and creating with words, images, curiosity and letting go.

What are you playing and creating with today?

 

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© 2013 by Julie Jordan Scott

Breathing a Slightly Different Life into Your Gratitude Practice in 2013

For 2013, I Will Be Holding Delights... and writing from them!

Read on to discover how to use your gratitude lists (or whatever terminology you use) as writing prompts...There were many posts at the end of 2012 about making a 2012 jar filled with gratitudes or… I’m not sure what words people were using. I thought it was a cool idea but I also knew I would fill it up quickly… so I took a slightly different tactic.

 

I made a jar for Delights… for January 2013 and I plan to make jars for each month after this one. I might use different words, too. Blessings, Treasures, Unexpected Loveliness… whatever tickles my  fancy that month.

AND! To make it a useful project year round, when I am stumped for something to write (like I was tonight) I pulled out an earlier delight as my writing prompt topic.

So away we go…. I will now demonstrate, doing a complete stream of consciousness writing piece based on the delight I pluck out and it is……

Instant Writing prompt: pull a paper from the jar....

I am one of those friends my friends believe they can call at 4 am and call and talk for an hour and I wouldn’t mind. They are right.

 

I am also one of those friends that will drive her friend who is about to be Grandma to San Francisco and back from Bakersfield on New Year’s Day with maybe… an hour warning the birth was imminent.

I packed a pair of socks, an extra sweater and some panties and a tooth brush and off I went. I showered, but other than that, I was just me. I knew I couldn’t miss this moment.

Fairy God Auntie (or something like that) Julie holds the baby.

The drive from Bakersfield to San Francisco is about five hours. I was tired when I started. We were flying on adrenaline when we arrived at the hospital with the new baby. Both Grandma’s and I had time holding her.  I even texted some of my friends in Bakersfield and said, “They left me alone with the baby!”

 

Do you remember being alone in a room with a baby?

It is like being alone in a room with the most magnificent miracle ever and you are the only one holding onto the secret. It was fantastic.

We were there a couple hours when we decided we better find a place to say. This concerned me because since I didn’t pack, I managed to forget my bank card and other important things. I was completely dependent on my friends, minus about thirty dollars in cash I carried in my car.

We found a questionable place to stay between Russian and Nob Hill but had to wait half an hour before we could go into our room. There, on the corner, was a bar called Shanghai Kelly’s. We simply had to go in. One of the Grandma’s was named Kelly, so I felt like we didn’t have a choice. Oh, and the "questionable" place to stay turned out to be wonderful. We found it in one of those travel saver books you get at rest stops along

Grandma Kelly spends New Years Night at Shanghai Kelly's.

the highway.

 

How often do you find yourself in one of the most fabulous places in the city at a corner bar outside of the tourist traps that happens to share your name?

We each took a seat at the bar and because I am one of those people who talks to bartenders, I couldn’t help but ask about the Obamarama drink they offered for only $3. He told us what was in it – sounded tasty beyond belief, and then when he heard about the Grandma’s he turned away for just a slice of a moment and put Obamarama shots in front of each of us.

Down they went, silky smooth.  Kelly even got a t-shirt and we learned the lore of Shanghai Kelly. I got the name of the neighborhood – Polk Gulch – and was thrilled beyond belief to spend my New Years Day in San Francisco and receive a tasty free drink and know that I could rely on my friends for everything I needed while we were jetting around the city in my Mazda.

Van Ness - Walking the Streets of San Francisco

The next morning I was the first one up. I couldn't imagine sleeping in when I was in San Francisco. The Grandma's got to rest and I got to sit in a Pete's coffee writing poetry and people watching. I stopped my walking when I was four blocks from the hotel. I could have walked on and on and on.

 

It might sound completely zany, but I can’t think of a better start to 2013. Naturally, it was a delight I had to add to my jar.

And now, thanks to being stumped for a writing idea – hopefully you are delighted in sharing my delight.

= = = =

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© 2013 by Julie Jordan Scott

 

 

 

This is my eighteenth post (of 31!) for the January Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

What Do You Want to Not Forget (Because You Want to Remember it Fully) from 2012

Hope asks her group of Reverb12 folks to do this: 

Name Five things I want to remember from 2012.

1. 1.       The way it felt to be cheated on… or to find out I was being cheated on… by someone I never dreamed would cheat on me. I want to remember this so that I will never, ever, ever feel it again and yes – the person in question is still in my life. We are working through it and if this is stupid of me, I will know soon enough and will save our grand finale as a birthday gift to myself.
2. 2.       I don’t want to forget running through downtown between shows I was in. I put my costume for Marat/Sade on in one theater and with my curly hair flying I ran in corset, layers of layers and jumped in my car to get to that next theater. It is the closest to being Cinderella I will ever get.
3. 3.       I do not want to forget being in Mesa Verde National Park with my children.
4. 4.       I do not want to forget Emma’s continuing success in school, especially when she won the statewide journalism award.
5. 5.       I do not want to forget how it feels to have Katherine in Scotland for a semester and the fact I now wish she could stay longer, for her own sake. I don’t like having six thousand miles, a continent and an ocean between us, but I certainly hope she is sucking the marrow out of each moment in Edinburgh and beyond.

 

At Mesa Verde National Park with my girls

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© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

Thankvember Day 14: Today I am Grateful to Live so Close to Bakersfield's Bluffs

I am grateful to live so close to the Bluffs here in Bakersfield. Three blocks from my house the road ends and opens up into them. They seem like they wait for me and applaud whenever I arrive.

Yes, Bakersfield gets a bad rap. Some of it is accurate, I will admit. There are days when I want to kick myself for still calling this place home, but this morning as I sat on the wet grass on the bluffs taking photos for Art Every Day month, I was reminded how much I love this part of Bakersfield.

My neighborhood actually has hills.

It isn’t entirely flat.

The bluffs tower above all that Black Gold that runs underground here in Bakersfield so the view is sort of… well, it isn’t the ocean or the view from the top of a mountain in neighboring Sequoia, but at night you can enjoy looking at the lights on the oil rigs blink and it is quite pretty.

The bluffs have a walking path and a second, more rugged path I usually take.

It’s a great place to meet people for walking or talking or taking in the sunset.

About ten years they took this plain Jane park and decided to get fancy schmantzy with landscaping and much of that has been reclaimed by wild growth, but some aspects of it remain.

I have many fun memories with my dogs, my kids and myself – I have been known to go their when I’m sad or need some quiet, contemplative time or when I have no idea what I want. Sitting at the far west side of the bluffs tends to calm my spirit. I have even met coaching clients there as we worked through whatever they needed to work through.

I am grateful to live so close to the bluffs here in Bakersfield.

What are you grateful for today?

 

 

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Do you have a lot of stuff to get done but can never seem to find the motivation? We have a solution - Get stuff done while having lots of fun at Passion Activator Friday - November 16, 2012 Check it out! 

This post is a part of the Thankvember Blog Hop Hosted by the Vagabons Studio. Click here or at the box --> to get involved.

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

 

 

Thankvember, Day 13Today I am grateful to be comin' round the depression mountain again....

I am grateful for my comin’ round the depression mountain once again.

Or maybe I should say, I am grateful for depression and the lush stages it brings.

Are you crossing your eyes and thinking I’m nuts? More than likely. If I heard myself saying this a couple years ago I would have thought I was insane, too, pushed right over the edge actually.

Listen to me, though. When you think of all the important, highly productive, world changing people who had depression – something shifts in me. Does it in you? Look at this roster of fellow depressed people who came around their depression mountains:  Beethoven, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Buzz Aldrin, Sylvia Plath, Winston Churchill, Charles Dickens, Abraham Lincoln, Princess Diana and the list goes on and on.

I have said if I hadn’t experienced depression, I wouldn’t be as intimate with the beauty life offers me as well.

I remember when I was in denial of depression and walked around in a near coma state all the time. When I finally took it on and appreciated it, did therapy and medication mixed with self care, the fog lifted.

Some days and some times are better than others, but today when I walked into my house after dropping the kids and it smelled of a combination of baked apples, fresh chocolate chip cookies and bacon, I knew things were once again getting better.

Yes, I know there is the possibility of another surgery in January.

We’ll take it on. Everything IS going to be just fine. I reflect upon where I was last year compared to this year - and I just sit back in awe. Last year I was not having it easy, but looking back - I was very bad off emotionally. Sometimes in the muck and mire and continuing with the daily routines we don't notice.

But today, I noticed. I'm comin' around that depression mountain again. Next time I find myself moving up it, I'll recognize it sooner and play with it and allow it to play with me because I know it is there to help me and you, perhaps, in reading this all the way through.

And I am forever grateful for that.

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© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott