Julie Unplugged: Busy Women's Tips

July 20, 2012

July 17, 2012

How to Turn Curses into Blessings & More Fun with Writing Inspiraton from.... yourself!

This blog post had its genesis in two places: The Bloggy Moms Blog Dare who provided the prompt: "Don't let it bother you" and the Ultimate Blog Challenge, which reminds me daily I need to keep writing blog posts to keep up with the challenge. I am several posts behind right now, but I have committed myself to write write write for the next two days with the intention of being ahead by the time I go to sleep tomorrow night.

Yesterday in the Mommy Blog Darel, I wrote from a prompt that said, "Don't let it bother you." You may read my blog post here.

I took inspiration from this paragraph of stream of consciousness, free flow writing from that blog post and came up with a new line of content:

Don’t let it bother you because the bother lasts so much longer than the originating choice and follow through did. Make reparations. Smile. Breathe deeply and aim for now and your next nows.

How often do you make choices you wish you hadn’t made?

There are days when I make not so great choices which have a domino effect: one bad choice after another bad choice after another bad choice.

There are days – weeks, perhaps, when my choices all seem to follow my life intentions: from the clothes I choose to the toothpaste I buy to which item on my to-do list I decide to do first to how I create my schedule. I hum along life based on the right choices until one of those other sort of days, The Domino Days, catch up with me.

I could call those days curses and I could call those days paths to higher learning.

It is up to me to choose how to label them.

What do you think?

Could they be curses which lead to higher paths of learning?

Are they curses?

Are they paths of learning?

Are they just days in a long course of the other 364 (or 365) days in a year?

Consider which of these suggestions rings true for you. I know I tend to the “path of learning” idea and the “just days in a course of other days” concept.

You may know people whose idea is widely divergent from yours. Two of my closest friends would immediately label themselves and the day cursed.

Instead of shaking my head at them or putting my head in my hands in frustration, I give them space to work it out for themselves. What usually happens is they end up laughing about their initial assertion of the day and themselves being cursed.

Instead of me prescribing their shift, I stay beside them, perhaps gently questioning with something like, “What makes you say that” or “tell me more about how you see this day as cursed” and patiently follow up perhaps with silence or with no language sounds requesting more – mmm hmmms or ohhhhs or smiles.

You may eventually do a Scarlet impression complete with southern belle accent, “Well, you do know tomorrow is another day!” or you may let them say the first laughable line.

Choose to make space for your friends or family members who see it differently than you do.

That alone turns a “cursed” day into a blessed day.

Wouldn't this be the option you would prefer?

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Posted at 10:54 AM in Busy Women's Tips, Curiosity, Mommy Blog Dare, Mommying, Parenting Teens, Reinvention, relationships, Self Care, Summer, Time Management, Ultimate Blog Challenge, Word-Love, Writing Challenge, Writing Prompt | Permalink | Comments (1)

July 04, 2012

Top 7 Ways to Make the Most of Your “Mom Schlep” (or any time you have to drive hither and yon when you would really rather be doing something – anything – else)

Yesterday I was having a great time sitting at my writing desk letting the insights and inspiration flow when I realized I needed to go pick up Samuel. I lose about an hour a day (or more!) schlepping kids here and there. I get pretty darned cranky about it SO in order to keep my sanity – and a positive relationship with my children – I have come up with strategies to thrive while doing this least favored chore. Some are simple and some may be life changing for you. Try the first couple or two that appeal to you and then… try more. It will make a big difference!

Smile. Just putting on a happy expression, believe it or not, makes a difference in your emotions. Put your key in the ignition of your car, put a smile on the ignition of your face.
Don’t turn on the radio immediately. Enjoy some quiet instead of a barrage of bass-filled beats or advertisements. This also creates room for more conversation. Teens especially need this space and will tell you more while schlepping around than anywhere else.
Practice creativity while driving. My children, even the youngest ones, enjoy “writing haiku” as we drive. This simple Japanese poetry form is simply 17 syllables of “what you see” in its most simplest guise. My kids are still talking about my “blue surrounds the clouds” line.
Have a “surprise phone-tography shot” challenge. Who can spot the most interesting image during the drive. Mom, pull over and take a photo & then together, vote on the winners. Prizes? Hugs from Mom or a relief from the simplest chore/household task on the list. And yes, Mom, you are included in this “photo spotting” project.
Let the view spark family and life stories. “Do you see that guy, on the corner? That reminds me of a story grandpa used to tell me when he was a little boy.” My children have learned more about my life – and the entire extended family life – because we make the most of what we see. After you are finished with your quick story, ask your child, “What does it (or that something else) remind you?
I know it’s illegal in most places, anyway – but put your phone away! (this is why I said to pull over for the phone-tography. A recent tweet from my fifteen-year-old “calling me out” made me choose to just put it away! (You may do the same with your children, too. Make the car “family” time. If the habit is too tough to break, as child to read amusing tweets on a favorite shared subject by searching twitter hashtags.
With that in mind my final suggestion is this: set ALL electronic devices aside, except for GPS ofcourse. Unhook the headphones, put the hand held devices on standby, and use Mom-Shlep time to connect with one another rather than connect with technology.

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Posted at 01:11 PM in 30 Day Challenge, Blog Boost, Busy Women's Tips, Cell Phone Poetry, Creativity, Family, Family Travel, For the Seriously Time Challenged, Games, Julie Jordan Scott, July2012, Mom-Schlep, Parenting, Parenting a Child on the Autism Spectrum, Photography, Storytelling, Time Management, Unplug | Permalink | Comments (5)

June 29, 2012

How to Break All the "This is How to Parent a Child on the Autism Spectrum" Rules & Build Your Child's Confidence

Today on the train home to Bakersfield I was having one of those soundless, no facial expression changing cry fests.

It had been a rollicking three days: one in Sequoia and two in Disneyland/California Adventure and I had to let go of some of those emotions that had stayed safely tucked away while waiting on line or cheering the children on or laughing or screaming.

The rules of parenting a child on the autism spectrum are all quite clear: to keep your child's behavior calm, predictability is paramount.

I have taught Samuel for years the only thing he can ever expect is the unexpected. Some things MAY be predictable, but he needed to know the biggest most important "rule" (folks on the spectrum live by rules and rituals) is life is unpredictable. Sometimes the best we can do is move forward into what seems really scary and be happy because people who love us are either right there or nearby.

Samuel’s defining Disneyland moment: we were waiting in the Fastpass line at Space Mountain, Emma’s favorite ride. Samuel had crushing anxiety, asking if it was totally dark, if there was solar system stuff in there because he "hates the solar system", does it go too fast… and on and on and on. At one point he bravely wiped tears away with his arm. I could tell Emma was dangerously close to just giving up her favorite ride experience if it would make her beloved brother feel better.

I knew the signs well. He didn’t want to let anyone down, least of all himself, but he wasn’t sure he could do it. He climbed into the seat next to me soundlessly. I was afraid to look at him as our rocket ship started the climb up into the stratosphere and as I listened to the countdown, all I could think was, “This must be a sensory nightmare for a child with autism!”

It is noisy, it has flashing lights everywhere, you can’t see where the next move will be: all a spectrum child abhors IS what makes this ride exhilarating for a neurotypical child. Perhaps I hadn't given my child who happens to be on the autism spectrum enough credit.

He and I screamed together for most of the ride. I tried to laugh at one point, but I couldn’t make it sound authentic. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get pummeled or thanked when we were done. I was convinced I was going to take abuse worse than last January when walked out of arms reach when he was taking photos in an unfamiliar section of an unfamiliar cemetery.

When we pulled into the station, he took a deep breath and said, “I want to do that again!”

Space Mountain became his favorite ride in Disneyland. He stayed the course - even though petrified with fear - because he had been taught the only rule was unpredictability and he also knew I was nearby always - even when not physically present my presence was with him.

Nearly every hour – at least – in Disneyland, I was nervous because I wasn’t sure if Samuel would hold onto his anxiety. I didn't know if we would ride one ride too many, if suddenly something would tip him over the edge or what might happen. He did, though, even while chewing his fingernails (and at times fingertips), manage to keep calm.

Each time Samuel has a win every neurotypical child takes for granted, he feels more confident and I take another deep breath of relief.

The life of a mom of a child on the spectrum: loving the best we can, parenting the best we can, hoping as best as we can, praying as much as we can. Sometimes that means allowing our kids to do the same stuff "normal" kids do and allowing them to work through it on their own with us by their side not intervening, however hard that may be for us.

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Posted at 04:27 PM in Autism, Busy Women's Tips, Family, Family Travel, Loving Life, Mini-Retreat, Parenting, Parenting a Child on the Autism Spectrum, Passion, Special Needs Siblings, Writing | Permalink | Comments (3)

June 23, 2012

5 Best Ways to Be Sure to Write, Everyday and Enjoy the Heck Out of It! #blogathon2

I know "busy" very, very well. I am one of those many-dashes-women. I am a Writer-Performance Poet-Blogger-Educational Advocate-Equality Activist-Mommy Extraordinaire-Singer-Mixed Media Artist-Photographer-Director-Actor…. You get the drift. I am not easy to put into a box nor am I able to say “what I do” in one breath. One thing I know I AM is a writer, partially because of my daily writing practices. Even when I am in the busiest of busy weeks, by following these simple techniques I share here, I flex my writing muscles. Try each top one at a time and see your writing flourish.

Carry a small notebook for writing & sketching. Yes, old school with pages and require a pencil or pen to use. If you prefer using your smart phone, that’s fine. Just please please please do some doodling & sketching while you are out and about, too.
Learn and use a note system for your smart phone. I use ColorNote. Lately, I have been writing “story starts”,”poetry starts”, and interesting quotes I hear. Eavesdropping has become an artform for me… makes for some great creative writing. People just think I am texting.
In the beginning of the day, set a one sentence intention such as: Today, I intend to experience my work as a paralegal with passion, with integrity and with joy as I greet my clients and engage with whomever I encounter. I also intend to have enriching experiences outside of the office. YAY!
At the end of the day, jot a few sentences about your accomplishments or those gleaming moments you would forget if you didn’t write down. Something like these. “How did Samuel grow into a size 6 shoe? His foot is almost adult sized!” and “Hearing Highway to Hell on the way to opening night: absolutely perfect.” And “Wow, I started the Blogathon at a horrible time for me – Yay?” Each of these sentences also serve as possible blog posts later.
My old standby, when all else fails, is to list five things I am grateful for in my everyday life. Even if all I can be grateful for is running water and a clean shirt to wear, it is better than complaining about my part-time job or my child’s incessant whining. You may be grateful for even having the possibility of writing, simply, each day. Doesn’t that sound good?

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Posted at 07:55 AM in Blog Hop, Blogathon Bash, Busy Women's Tips, Creativity, For the Seriously Time Challenged, Passion, Self Care, Spiritual Practices, Writing | Permalink | Comments (2)

5 Best Ways to Enjoy (and actually feel Passionate!) about Experiencing Solitude #blogathon2

I remember when I first experienced solitude. I was a young professional, living in a brand new city where I didn’t know anyone and I traveled a lot for work. I was alone a lot.

At first, I was lonely. Until I learned to tolerate solitude and eventually, I learned to love solitude.

I know a lot of people are afraid of being alone or get flustered with silence. My hope is you may begin to truly enjoy the gifts silence has to offer.

Start small. Set an appointment with yourself to spend five minutes with only yourself as your companion. Don’t plan to meditate, to write, to create art, to fold laundry or any other sort of activity. You may look at a beautiful view, you may gaze up at the sky, you may sit on your front porch and watch your neighborhood come to life. Five minutes. Then ten. Then 15.
Become playful with alone times by adding solo activities. Some of my favorites include taking walks with my camera in my hand. By being alert to the surprises wherever I happen to be, I get great shots and the experience becomes meditative. Go to a park and choose to play on the playground. Swings, balance beams, slides. Play for at least five minutes or more. Experience it fully… and don’t start the timer until you stop being self conscious.
Attend yoga classes with the intention of “being alone together.” For me, being alone with others (or creating alone side-by-side with someone else) has become akin to a spiritual practice. I am very social, yet because I crave alone time, these moments of alone with others birth some of my most powerful creative breakthroughs.
Teach your family to respect your times of solitude. You may need to give them a signal like your journal, open in front of you, means you are “alone” – like being on an island. During colonial times, a famous woman writer and mother of 12(!) would put her apron up over her head as a way to “get out of the house” while smack dab in the middle of it. Your family will learn, as mine has, that there are times Mommy just needs quiet.
Forgive yourself the time it takes to enjoy solitude. Remember the difference between loneliness and solitude. With loneliness, you feel an emptiness you want to fill. With solitude you feel a rich emptiness you want to sit with for a while.

Watch for an upcoming post with a list of quotes about solitude you may want to print (or copy) and use as a focus while stepping into silence, which, by the way may be quite noisy. One of my favorite places for solitude is with my notebook in a sports bar on Sunday mornings, for example.

Enjoy your solo journey and allow those times to fill you with delectable passion so that your productivity and enjoyment of life and work-life and family-life increase exponentially.

One of my goals during Biannual Blogathon is to create content using "Bests" and "Tips" and "How to's in # of steps." When I first started my on-line life in 1998, these were a mainstay of my content life and were republished over and over and over again. I am excited to get back to writing them again. Thank you, Blogathon2!

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Posted at 06:55 AM in Blog Hop, Blogathon Bash, Busy Women's Tips, Solitude, Spirituality | Permalink | Comments (3)

June 22, 2012

5 Best Reasons to Join the Biannual #Blogathon2 Bash... Even if Your Weekend is Ridiculously Busy Like Mine

I signed up for the Biannual Blogathon Bash during a ridiculously busy weekend. So what else is new?

I am committed though to tickle and tease a lot of good blogging work out of all the hours I am available to see just how far I can squeeze productively. Like my friend Thoreau said, “Such the marrow from the bone.”

I’ll be doing that….

What is my plan?

Write.

I am going to focus on lists. I got my start what seems like centuries ago writing top 7 lists which would then show up on Christopher Knight’s Top 7 ezine. He went on to own ezinearticles.com. Well known in many parts of the internet world.

I could kick out Top 7 articles in nobodies business and I discovered… people like them.

I’ve just started writing them again so my twenty four hours of blogathon weekend (did I mention I am doing this brief stint and will come back after the play I am in opens tonight at 8 pm?) will be filled with tips and wisdom in very brief chunks.

I’m excited.

Are you in the Weekend Blogathon?

Hell, if I can do it with my ridiculous schedule, anyone can.

Best 5 Reasons to Participate in the Blogathon even when your schedule is ridiculously insane.

You will prove to yourself you ARE up to ANY challenge.
You will stretch more creatively than you ever knew you could.
You will meet other cool bloggers who love stretching who you can work with later when the swarming energy slows down a bit.
You will learn what its like to write in your sleep.
You may reward yourself later no matter how much you actually do blogwork this weekend. I don’t know about the rest of you, but next week I am not only going to the Sequoia National Park, I’m going to Disneyland!

Happy Weekend, Everyone! Enjoy it!

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Posted at 05:36 PM in Blog Hop, Blogathon Bash, Busy Women's Tips | Permalink | Comments (2)

June 20, 2012

Busy Woman's Tips: 5 Keys to Success in Documenting Your Moments & Memories (Even if you have never "succeeded" before!)

This post was inspired by another post I wrote during the Summer Blog Challenge: 15 Life Tips to Your Better Life Journey.

I got such favorable responses, I decided to write short articles and sometimes, more tips, to go with the original article.

I'll repeat what I said there:

Hold lightly & apply with love.

I am going to preface this list of life tips with the last tip. Please read this as a beginning, an end and an in-between: Hold all of these tips lightly with love rather than duty. Duty is a fun-sucker, love is a fun-creator.

I can’t remember all the times I was told to keep scrapbooks filled with all sorts of stuff from my children’s lives. I tried. I did! When I was pregnant with Samuel my goal was to at least get started on Emma’s baby book.

I prepped photos, I collected stuff – and all of it sits in an 8 X 11 envelope, still waiting for me to get it together enough to get that scrapbook – baby book made.

So – you may be asking how can I be suggesting this very tip: Write things down, witness your moments & document with photos when you can’t do it yourself?

Well, truth is I have done it, I have simply done it in my own way. Which is

Key to Success #1: Find a way to document that suits your personality which you will continue to return to rather than abandon before you even get started. You might take photos for a month and then have a day to organize, categorize and choose which ones to print, hang and share. You might take photos every day and organize daily. Neither is wrong or right: either one is a success.

Key to Success #2: Carry a small notebook somewhere. I know, you can take notes on your phone (see #3) but a small notebook will help you to sketch something you see or ask your child to contribute or collect a quote from a surprising stranger and allow them to sign it. I know, notebooks seem old school – but you can even get tiny composition books from the dollar store. At least try this for a week or two and if it doesn’t fit, give your teeny tiny notebook to someone else to use.

Key to Success #3: Use your phone’s note taking feature to witness the world around you. I do this especially when I am standing in line. I found myself in a convenience store in a crummy part of town recently and to distract myself from freaking out wrote these lines:

Smell of a convenience store: inhabited by a crack head smelling like smoke, beer, and a t shirt worn for eight days in a row. Tattoos decorate the calves of a man in cut off shorts whose glassy eyes tell a story all their own I write lines for future poetry, perhaps, into my cell phone to stay safely distracted. Pink paint sparkles on my left thumb as I type type type into my android colornote “Armando, I looked the door,” she said, “We just had a beer run” Too long t shirt man puts a gallon and 81 cents into his dodge. I see glassy eyed man move in the opposite direction I will be driving in his car and I am frozen, unbelieving: I pray for his inebriated abilities and wish I had thought to write his license plate into my poem. Please, God, forgive me. Keep this neighborhood - this place – safe.

Key to Success #4 – Write using either the simplest form (strings of sentences) or a form that will inspire you to write (like haiku). Be sure to capture, anyway, so you will be able to hold this moment in the future.

Key to Success #5 – Don’t worry about having the biggest, best or most bad ass camera or tablet computer to collect your moments. Just use what you have. Test what works. Let go of what doesn’t and continue trying until you have your own brand of “keepers.”

You will soon have a potpourri of memorable stories, photos, poems and momentos to not only keep your family legacy alive, you may find yourself writing to earn money or teaching workshops or simply being a more engaging storyteller as you tuck your children into bed.

Whatever the result of this is, know it will make your life even better than it is today.

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Posted at 10:55 AM in Blog Hop, Busy Women's Tips, Cell Phone Poetry, Creative Every Day, Creative Home, Creativity, Family, For the Seriously Time Challenged, Parenting, Passion for Creativity, Self Care, Self Love, Spiritual Practices, Writing, Writing Camp | Permalink | Comments (0)

June 14, 2012

Busy Women's Tips: How to Create Mini - Retreats ~ In the Moment Vacation Getaways ~ to Feel More Peaceful

This post started from a SummerBlogChallenge entry that begged to be expanded upon. I also wanted to provide content of value for some (hopefully!) new friends from the Blog Hop Til You Drop Friday!

To see the Summer Blog Challenge entry, visit here. One of my Life Tips (Secrets, Keys, Etc) was this – “Create mini-retreats/vacations within your day.” Before you read further, when I first wrote this tip, I thought, "I hope I don't get punched in the mouth for saying this.

Remember: Create mini-retreats/vacations within your day.

Yes, the stuff you call drudgery is capable of being transformed into revelry. Even grocery shopping. Even diaper changing.

Prepare for a whine-fest before I get to the point of my story.

My most hated “hafta do” every day is what I fondly refer to as “kidschlepping.”

I know, I have the soccer mom van and I have been raising children for more than twenty years now so you would think I would be over myself and accept the fact of driving kids to and fro.

If you only knew… when my daughters were 7 and 12 I gave them summer bus passes so they could take themselves to their Summer programming. It was awesome. They were independent and I was free to do my work as well.

See, when you work from home (I am a writer and teacher of teleclasses – at home) people don’t realize you actually have a drive to work, not a drive to drive kids hither and yon. Maybe some people do, but it isn’t me.

Today I was driving my son home from his Summer Programming. It was 5:30 pm. I had been awake for twelve hours. I needed to get home so I could teach a class at 6 and then run off to rehearsal which begins at 7:30.

I was feeling run down, my brain a foggy mess, and I looked at a median next to my Mom Van. It was a median where someone had planted flowers: in this case daisies. The intersection was in a questionable neighborhood. On one corner, a welfare hotel where prostitutes run their businesses. On another corner, a check cashing establishment, on another corner, a large equipment rental, on another corner, a dilapidated, long ago abandoned warehouse.

On the median, daisy like flowers… sunflower, daisy crosses. I know that isn’t the proper name but I knew as I gazed at them softly blowing in the breeze, I stopped feeling crappy and overscheduled.

I felt myself driving in peace along the expansive South Dakota prairie. I felt myself enjoying my children. I felt myself adventuring through life.

Instantly I went from grouchy to not grouchy at all.

I turned the span of a red light into a mini-retreat.

What mini-retreat will you surprise yourself with today?

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Posted at 06:57 PM in Bakersfield, Blog Hop, Busy Women's Tips, Celebration, Family Travel, For the Seriously Time Challenged, Friendship, Julie Jordan Scott, Loving Life, Making New Friends, Mini-Retreat, Parenting, Peacefulness, Self Care, Spiritual Practices | Permalink | Comments (2)

15 Life Tips (Secrets, Keys, Guideposts) to Your Better Life Journey

1. Pack lightly. It is tiring to carry too much stuff! I have a rule: one book, one notebook, dry clothes for the kids even on day trips. And socks in winter.

2. Give yourself (and your children or life traveling companions) space and permission to time yourselves out, to separate for quiet and rejuvenation.

3. Write things down, witness your moments & document with photos.

4. Make time for friends at least a couple times a week. Lunches, walks, coffee, swinging on the swingset in the park, painting, giggling, people watching….

5. Create mini-retreats/vacations within your day. Yes, the stuff you call drudgery is capable of being transformed into revelry. Even grocery shopping. Even diaper changing.

6. Forgive others as a way to practice forgiving yourself. Or, forgive yourself as a practice to forgiving others. Forgive.

7. Practice detachment/letting go/surrender… not with a grudging spirit, with a loving spirit.

8. Make eye contact. Let people know you see them. If you worry about “staring people down” practice loosening or lightening your gaze.

9. Be prepared with resources, possibilities and thoughts, don’t be so concerned with stuff. First aid kits and sunscreen rock.... as do cameras and notebooks. That being said...

10. Offer smiles. Offer tears. Hold back advice until asked. Offer Kleenex.

11. Reach out when you need to or even when you don’t.

12. Throw parties. Attend parties. Praise parties.

13. Make writing thank you notes an art form.

14. Always have something to look forward to in the near future and in the slightly distant future.

15. Hold all of these 15 Life Tips (Secrets, Keys, Guideposts) to Your Better Life Journey lightly with love rather than duty. Duty is a fun-sucker, love is a fun-creator.

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Posted at 10:31 AM in Bakersfield, Blog Hop, Busy Women's Tips, Celebration, Current Affairs, Daily Passion Activator, Family, Family Travel, Friendship, Games, Julie Jordan Scott, Loving Life, Parenting, Peacefulness, Photography, Spiritual Practices, Spirituality, Summer Blog Challenge, Weblogs, Writing | Permalink | Comments (13)

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