This was written “stream of consciousness style” in five minutes, sitting in my recliner in my living room. My online timer applauded when five minutes was up and I wrote for about thirty seconds more, just enough to complete the thought. There is power in writing only for five minutes at a time, tiny slices in one’s day. Try it with me on Wednesdays and the week of August 22 via the #5for5BrainDump. (Follow the hashtag - official announcement/post later today).
July was a month of ups and downs and spikes and dips and tears and hearty laughter and creative process. Awakening. Small deaths. Transition aimed precisely toward rebirth. Again.
An existential crisis mid-month almost did me in – and now looking back it was actually the start of movement into and through birth-process-like transition, that weird place that isn’t discussed enough in childbirth classes where the laboring woman actually thinks she can leave this birth process unscathed, just decide this whole birthing baby thing isn’t for her but we all know, those of us all knowing on the outside, know she WILL be birthing that baby whether she wants to or doesn’t want to.
I need to be more of that unknowing all on my inside sometimes.
The existential crisis happened in the wee hours of a Sunday morning.
I suffered alone at first, then called my notebook into action, then texted Cameron, then took photos, then Cameron responded. Then I cried and we chatted and I cried. Took more photos and was coaxed back to sleep.
Crisis wasn’t averted by any means, but it did its job, like transition in childbirth always does and like we – probably all of us – need to remember more consistently.
Before my wedding the photographer gave me advice more than I remember any other advice from that day. “The day will come and the day will go. It is up to you to choose to enjoy it or not. If you are uptight and nervous, it will show in your photos,” she said.
I’ve always been directable, I suppose, so my photos turned out better than the marriage did and I don’t remember anything the pastor said.
The existential crisis will come.
The months will come.
The crisis will leave and the month will leave.
This month, in all its less thans and more thans, in its challenges and victories and sameness – has been a gift.
I have given and received and given and received again and again and again and for that, I am more blessed than words can say.
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A Special Thank you to Amanda Smith of Spark Within Me. Her Name Your Day challenge helped many to have more positive experiences throughout the month. She also has an August Blog Challenge which I'll be participating in and I hope you will, too.
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Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming this week.
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