My beloved parents had this rule they lived by when we were children. “Don’t argue in front of the children.”
It was right there alongside “Children don’t belong at funerals” and “Don’t stop what you started. We are not a family of quitters” that were well intentioned yet so detrimental to the development of one’s whole person.
I grew up handicapped in the expression and understanding of the power of anger. I didn't know what grief looked like. I didn't get to know how to say "no" when things didn't fit or feel right or align with me.
To this day, I have to concentrate on not turning and running when I face an angry person or feel anger rising in myself.
In the past few years I have learned I can have a heated argument with a dear friend and guess what? That friend will still love me even though we went head-to-head and toe-to-toe.
I have learned some people default into anger the way I default into withdrawal and/or depression. Both are done unconsciously and if I approach their anger with love to diffuse the fear within, there is so much beautiful grit underneath I have had some deeply transformative discussions once the fear under the anger is set free.
I have learned conscious anger is one of my most powerful allies.
The only time anger is problematic is when it is expressed as a weapon based in fear.
This year I framed my year in the word "Bold" and in doing so, courage was at the forefront of my consciousness much of the time. I made choices I never would have made, mostly surrounding saying no and stopping things I never would have stopped - remember the family rule that said, "We are not quitters"?
One of my heroes is Tank Man, from the Tianeman Square Uprising in Beijing in 1989. There is no doubt in my mind he was angry.
What did he do?
He stood in front of a row of army tanks, holding his groceries, and singlehandedly stopped the flow of military might that was about to plow into students and their peaceful protest in the Square. He used his anger to consciously stand, to take action that still stands in the minds of people like me and won him his anonymous place (known only as Tank Man) as one of the most influential people of the 20th Century.
What would happen if we use anger consciously to build our life work in an empowering, world shifting way. I will remember Tank Man to take stands for my vision, my people, my whatever-it-happens-to-be.
Who knows what will happen on six months from now when I wake up and walk out my front door, metaphorical groceries in hand and see the line of tanks heading for a destination they have no business inhabiting.
Conscious Anger and me. Powerful compadres and collaborators. 2015 keeps looking better and better and better.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming Fall and Winter, 2014 and beyond.
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