From the folks at Project Reverb:
Do Over: Hindsight is the one thing we never benefit from in the present. Is there one moment you wish that you could do-over?
I have a precious, beyond words incredible daughter named Emma. There are countless times I feel like I have fallen short with her. During this past year I wish I had followed up on a situation which needs to remain nameless here simply because there are people who read this blog who don’t need to be in the know of everything in my children’s lives.
I started writing a poem for/about Emma and then I decided to just write her a letter. I am making it public (even though it feels crazy intimate) just because.... I know there is power in "speaking it" and knowing this declaration will be witnessed by you, reading.
Dear Emma,
Even with my eyes open today, nearly eighteen years later, I can feel your little 6 pound, 13 ounce self all snuggled up on my shoulder and my whispered promise to you as I looked out into the August 20, 1997 sunrise: “I will always be here for you, my Emma.”
Perhaps the problem was in the claim of ownership when I was truly just your steward if even that.
I remember when I first told you I had melanoma and you cried, “I don’t want you to leave.” and I reassured you I had no intention of leaving. I still don’t. I love you far too much to ever have that intention.
I am always here for you and yet, I know I will always fall short of the ideal: my own ideal and at time the cultural ideal as well or other people’s idea of ideal.
I can’t do over what happened and I can do the best in each next moment. I know we can do that, together. You are YOUR Emma.
I’m here to stand with you, always, whether that means figuratively or from a distance.
With So Much Love,
Mommy
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I did a lot of "rights" this year.
It has been rather remarkable with lots of bold breakthroughs and flashes and bursts of "YES! This is!"
There isn't anything inherently wrong with do-overs, either. Consciously choosing to step into and through them is so much stronger than shoving them into unseen nooks and crannies where dust bunnies and last decade's report cards lie dormant.
May we stand strong and bold and sure that 2015 will be clear of mis-steps and the need for Do-Overs and forgive ourselves for any regrettable moments that appear instead.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming Fall and Winter, 2014 and beyond.
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