It's funny - not in the ha-ha way - how darkness so easily ignites insecurity, fear, and the desire to turn away from where my heart wants to go. At least that's how it is for me.
Saturday morning I left the quiet calm of my bed and started walking down a street I didn't know hoping to find the beach. I wasn't sure if this was the right way and since it was dark, I couldn't do a visual verification.
I had purposefully left the keys to my friend Sofi’s car on the nightstand between our two beds. Either I was a fool or I was in active surrender in a space of wobbly-trust-in-the-process.
There wasn't anyone to ask and it didn't occur to me to try the GPS on my phone. Instead I just turned and walked into darkness and more darkness and in the distance there was still more darkness.
My friends and I had arrived at our hotel after nightfall so I literally had no idea where I was walking.
I was about a block down the road from where we were staying and had settled the inner conversation of "What if someone comes silently behind me and jumps me to steal my wallet and my computer?" that was relentlessly invading my thoughts.
I just wanted to find the beach so I could spend sunrise cuddled up to the ocean.
The smells weren't encouraging - I walked past a waste treatment facility - but I could hear a something that sounded like the ocean so I kept walking.
There was a dark spot on the other side of the street that could be promising, but the complete darkness kept me away.
I noticed a spot with an opening across the street from a mobile home park so I walked toward the opening. As I got closer I realized the opening was turning into a path and there, I realized, was the ocean. I could see the curling white foam of the waves and knew I had found my home for the next couple hours.
It was just before six a.m. and the first sliver of light was showing itself on the eastern horizon. I found a spot on the modest dunes I could rest on, like a recliner, and wait. I had a view of the ocean, the harbor and the sunrise behind me.
It took was an hour-and-a-half before the sun showed her face to me.
It was a heavenly quiet time where my only human companionship was strangers who didn’t seem to notice my existence.
They were tangential to my experience: a couple surfers who walked past me, lying in the fine dune sand without a towel or chair barrier. A man taking video and narrating behind me, perhaps 100 feet away. I was primarily alone with my spirit, my notebook, my camera and the ocean and divine breezes.
Imagine my surprise and delighted laughter as I walked back to the hotel. In the sunlight, I could see a trail I could take, another beach entrance, Morro Bay High School for goodness sakes!
The metaphor was doing a jig in front of me, "Isn't light great? Isn't darkness fun? Isn't it fabulous you can take a simple desire and turn the fear on its heels and find exactly what you were looking for without relying on your usual method for doing things?"
I shook my head and mumbled, "Oh, you're funny!"
I forgot to mention I have a long-held fear of the dark.
Once my heart and I decide to be the light in the darkness, to bring the light of who we are... and who I am... and you are... into the darkness, suddenly the fear and the darkness lose their power.
Saturday morning, I transcended the fear. The darkness.
It felt so good.
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Perhaps there is a "darkness" (perhaps use the term as a metaphor) in your life that is looking for you to bring your heartful life to it. Take some time in contemplative creativity to discern what this may be for you. Nothing would delight me more than for you to tell me what you discover. In the comments, drop a few seedlings or a-ha's or even just a note of what this post brings up for you.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming Fall and Winter, 2014 and beyond.
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© 2014
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This post is a part of the ongoing series for 31 Days challenge. I will be writing 31 blog stories about bold choices and using a bold voice...I started the challenge late and yet now I am all caught up. if you would like to read all my posts from the beginning of the challenge, simply visit here, at 31 Days of Bold Stories, Voices and Choces
The question is making sure to carve out the time and to document it all in a way you'll enjoy reading about bold choices in a most authentic, real-me voice.
I'm grateful you are reading.
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