“I am putting on my life again like a dear old corduroy jacket, worn but comfortable.”
May Sarton
There were times when Laura looked pretty normal to those around her when she felt like she was barely holding it together. Now, a new chapter of her story is emerging just as there is a new story emerging for you.
There have been times when I have looked pretty normal (as in my version of normal) when I haven’t been. Most people, after all, are most comfortable when things stay the same no matter how mediocre or how bad they may be, it is still more comfortable than doing things differently.
Standing up and saying “I’m sorry. This isn’t working.” is unworkable to most.
Otherwise would so many people be suffering in unhappy careers, in unhappy relationships, in both? Dana Adam Shapiro’s research says only 17% of married couples are happy. 83% are either just getting by in their marriage or are downright unhappy. Forbes tells us 47.2% of the population is satisfied with their job. This doesn’t mean they are thrilled about it, they are satisfied with it. And this is better than it was four years ago.
These statistics could either depress me or inspire me. It is my choice.
I’m more like Laura in the beginning of her new chapter.
Laura feels like she is putting her life on again, like that dear old corduroy jacket that stayed in the recesses of her closet for a long, long time.
She has chosen to take action, take baby steps, toward feeling consistently happy, satisfied and that ever nebulous yet equally important ‘awake and alive’.
For the next two weeks, we’re going to take on the “What’s up with unworkable” and “Being bold enough to write your next chapter” here on the blog.
Stand by. Exciting things are coming.
Are you ready to put on your life again?
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
I had a biopsy a week ago and found out today the skin sample is benign.
I’ve never had a benign biopsy before so this is… a happy shock. A bit of “so this is what other people feel like” tinged with “finally!”
There is a side of me that remembers friends and family members who never got to hear benign, only malignant. Somehow I think they would rejoice with me, too, as I would if the tables were turned.
It has been quite a journey. I recognized after the last biopsy I put a lot of my life on hold after my initial melanoma diagnosis, buried in the “What if” the cancer comes back or I don’t heal right or any other scenario my mind concocted.
I decided sometime between last week and this week I wasn’t going to hang out in that side of the “what if” zone, I was going to choose to hang out in the “feeling peace no matter which side the test falls on.”
I was fully expecting this result to say something different and I had thought of different health strategies this time, too.
“Let go, let it be” has become my new mantra and my new way of being.
Choosing to stand for peace within myself no matter what else is swirling about - to the best of my abilities. I get more tangled up, for example, in a loved one’s suicide attempt than a famous person’s suicide and other people’s opinions. I can’t impact other people’s opinions.
I can impact the life of those I love while letting go, letting it be and standing for peace. Even greater news than my great news is you can use this tactic, this concept, this recipe - in order to simply feel better about whatever is going on in your life right now.
I can almost hear you asking right now, "So, what do I do?"
Choose to experience whatever you are experiencing without slapping labels of good or bad or right or wrong or excellent or holy or remarkable. Look instead at what facts are there. "The sky is blue. My son doesn't look me in the eye yet without cueing him. I feel itchy underneath my right knee."
Recognize any feelings of attachment (the opinions and stuff you make up about whatever is happening) and imagine releasing those opinions as if they were a helium balloon bouquet or the head of a dandelion you've just blown to bits or, if you are very tactile, imagine putting all of that stuff into your fist and clench it as tight as you can. Count to ten and then open it slowly and blow it all away as you open it up. Repeat as necessary.
Give yourself permission to talk about whatever is bothering you in twitter sized chunks - as in twitter, the social media platform that started as a micro-blogging application. When you talk to your friends (family, whomever) instead of a rant, give them 140 characters worth of what is bugging you and then choose to let it go. Choose to let it be. You don't need to rant for thirty minutes. Rant for a sentence. They'll probably listen more carefully when you are so succinct.
Remember, peace is always among the choices you have at your disposal. If the other suggestions elude you, simply meditating on the word "peace" throughout your day will make a difference. First you need to choose to focus on peace, no matter what else happens.
I got some great news today.
What great news did you get?
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
I was surprised to discover the phrase "surprise and delight" is used in other places in a variety of documents around my computer. I'm grateful for that... yes: with thanks!
I spent time this morning meandering around the ways people express thanks for me, most specifically in asking/living the question --
How do I surprise and delight other people?
I can only report in from what I notice others saying about me or to me.
People report I am inspiring.
People report I give great hugs.
People report I am a mother to more people than I realize.
People report I make them feel welcome. I make them feel ok. I make them feel loved and optimistic.
People report I have a fresh perspective which helps them have a fresh perspective and I have a laugh that won’t quit.
People report I am smart and intellectual, which I sometimes translate into “you are unapproachable and talk about things I don’t ‘get’ like you do.” A friend of mine consistently says, “I can’t keep up with you!” and my instant thought-response is, “I’m doing it wrong, I must tone myself down.”
It was a few weeks ago that I told myself no, this just means that friend is slower than I and more comfortable with slower. While this friend may delight and be surprised with my speedy thought processes and eclectic passions, she may not be willing or able to match me, thought for thought and noticing for noticing and all of this is just fine.
Now I am going to rewrite this, own these surprising and delightful things about me.
I regularly inspire others, even when I don’t realize I am doing so.
I give great hugs. People seek me out for hugs, “I need a JJS hug!” I hug with my arms, yes… but I add in my spirit and wrap my fullness in the other person’s fullness. It simply feels heavenly.
I am a natural mother, I was born a mother. I was first called “Earth Mother” when I was seventeen-years-old and carrying a seven-month-old little boy I was babysitting. My next door neighbor, a man of maybe forty, caught sight of the tanned legged, sun bleached long haired me with this sweet little boy on my hip and reported what he saw. I didn’t understand it then.
During a recent massage, I received the message, “You were born a mother, you will die a mother.” Being a mother is not something I am sometimes, I am all the time. It is a good thing.
I make people feel loved, perhaps as an outpouring of my Earth-Mother-Earth vibe. I bring optimism showers wherever I go and colorful flowers of hope blossom under my feet.
I enjoy pursuing knowledge and wisdom. Lately I have been much bolder about speaking up when things aren’t quite in alignment with those I love. I don’t do so combatively, but I do ask pointed questions and I have been known to point out the facts.
What might happen if I devoted myself to consistently living these delights?
I’m not sure - so I am going to walk around more consciously with these delights atr the forefront of my mind, just to see what changes might arise.
What delights and surprises do you bring with you and share openly with others?
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
Intentions: Goals... Preparing for Your Children AND yourself as you start the new school year. Take the time to let the dust settle in the first week may make all the difference in the world.
Yesterday I invited several friends to join me for coffee and intention setting for ourselves and our kids for the school year. Women arrived, we chatted, we sipped coffee and tea. It was exceptionally restful and refreshing.
I didn’t call it a coaching group or a mastermind group, but elements of it were there.
Why?
We had a purpose.
We each shared a willingness to gather and participate heartfully.
We felt an instant community of like spirited women.
I learned a few things, too. I learned some women gathered on the first day of school for margaritas or mimosas. That’s fine, too: a celebration is a celebration is a celebration.
I have always been so delighted to get back to work in a quiet home I never took the time to invest in the very important stage of reorientation to life as a more active creator beyond being a mother.
Before the others arrived I wrote in my notebook:
Emma is a senior.
Samuel is an eighth-grader.
Katherine is a graduate student.
I am…..
And there it sat for a while as I wrote around the meanings that could find themselves on my final draft of intentions.
What do I
- Hope
- Intend
- Pray
- Wish
For my children and
For me
This school year?
And there it sat for a while longer as I wrote about my surroundings:
"There's a little boy named Phoenix who is sitting on the other side of the glass from me. How long until he matches his name? What will he rise from? For now he is completely focused on his share of the breakfast sandwich carefully (or is consciously a better word choice?) by his caregiver."
Between the blue lines of my notebook I asked questions:
What if I focused on a to-be rather than churning out an endless list of “to-do’s?”
What if I was playfully curious around a “wouldn’t it be wonderful” list rather than a wistful wish list?
The discovery started and continues as we are now in day two of the school year. I realized I don’t have to get my intentions all settled into written form or even possibility form on the first day. I have relaxed into not having to function like a microwave Mommy.
I know a few things, though.
This year my youngest is my tallest! Funny how when we go back to school, we notice all the differences from the past year. An added bonus: we all get a fresh start
I know my desire is to feel at peace even if the situation doesn’t appear peaceful. I practiced this by smiling and doing tonglen meditation this morning when waiting to talk to Emma’s counselor this morning to fix her schedule. There was a lot of hurting and unsureness in that office today and I hoped to be part of bridging to peace for others as well as myself.
I know my desire is to express gratitude, daily.
I also hold this intention in my heart: to be transformed in my behavior and attitude in regards to both my children’s education and my life work. I’ve been in a cancer-fear holding pattern… A “WHAT IF?!” space where the wall isn’t made of just bricks, it is made up of consecutive towers of bricks.
This week is a time of fresh starts, new beginnings and literally creating a new foundation to build upon now. My children are growing up and I am continuing to grow up so that I may serve the world as I have been called to do.
On the first day back to school, Samuel jumped onto the bus with a spring in his step
I encourage you to take time to ask yourself relevant questions, to write, to ask more questions, to go more deeply and to build this year so that you will feel peace, know gratitude and boldly step into whatever your next thing you are called into now.
What are your intentions as you start the new school year - for YOU as well as for your children?
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
From August Moon, Day 10: How will you make time work for you?
I never know if that next ring of the phone will be my son’s school, telling me of a monumental melt down or some other catastrophic happening that will change my life as I know it for longer than I have.
I could blame autism or I could thank the universe for reminding me we never know what the next ring of the phone, the next page turn of the calendar, the next door opening or closing will bring.
We could plan for every contingency except for that one which becomes the game ender, the show stopper the, “I’m sorry, hon. Not today” text message as you excitedly put your key in the ignition and then, take it out head back inside.
Here’s a trick I use: Make each moment your moment no matter what you are doing and recognize “your time” may look different for months and end because eventually, “your time” will be yours again. Today is a good example of this.
Summer around here was construction hell. Even yesterday I was wiping away dust and our hallway just got newly painted - the finish was thanks to Katherine, not at all to me.
I rushed Emma to school early to deal with changing her schedule. I was on my way home to MY schedule and MY day and MY freedom and I realized Katherine would be there. Normally, this is a huge blessing but today I wanted quiet and my plan rather than something for someone else.
I came home quietly and noted Katherine lying in her bed, the pillow over her head, sleeping.
Sleeping.
I was at the kitchen table reading The Power of Intention and taking notes when she came out of her room saying, “I never expected to sleep so late! I have a dentist appointment!” and off she went to her appointment.
I have a quiet, peaceful house to write. I am alone in silence accompanied only by the whirring of fans.
This is absolutely lovely. My first order of business after quiet time and breakfast was to come here and write: something I hadn’t had the opportunity to do in the last three days.
My phone might ring now and I am refreshed.
When I choose to see this amount of time as just right and express gratitude for more, the more reappears with a higher frequency then the “just right” which passes more quickly.
Leaving enough time for me has become more a practice of making the time available the just-right time for my life work as well as my creative adventuring. I find the less I plan for it, the better it becomes.
Thank you for spending some moments of your day here, reading.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
Their song shouts above rattling pots and pans, plates and glasses
Their song illuminates shrieks of laughter and conflict and transforms
All into a lavender love, a peachy orange moon blossom
A quiet neon light demanding attention right here,
right now, in all its gold-green--licked rightness
The seedlings are evident in poetry fires,
In storytelling competitions,
In holding babies and rocking the tears from both our faces
In that moment
- no translation is necessary,
No explanation, no figuring out, no excuses simply
Seedlings
Reaching from the low grumblings of our belly
Making themselves seen through my blue eyes
And your brown eyes and our hazel eyes
Seen through my scar-woven countenance
Seen through these words you read, you beside me
Wherever you are -
These are the signs.
We are on fire.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
The prompt from Kat McNally, prompter from August Moon -
Day 3: love -
What do you love?.... (note: she doesn't ask WHO do you love but WHAT do you love....)
Kat specifically goes on in the prompt to talk about looking around at your stuff to find a theme around what you love.... I chose to do a brief breeze through my home and found...
I love....
I love creating mixed media, origami is meditative and soothing (plus I'm finally admitting I love fashion, especially dresses.) I love language so much! Words words words find their way into all my art these days....
Yes, I would agree - all these things vintage, poetry, color, dresses... textures....
Poetry - meet mixed media; vintage plate from a Hanford children's store, origami flowers, women's literature, the Gibson Girl
And ofcourse, my greatest creative projects - -
I love documenting the lives of my family. I don't have Beyunca & Jaxon here in these Summer 2014 images, but they're a big part of this collection I "curate" also
Documenting the every day life of those I love is a deep love of mine and one that has had a profound impact on my life.
Love, love, love. All you need. Makes the world go round. Sometimes is a battlefield. Love.
Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
Birth of Venus, Venice Style. From the beach it looks even more incredible.
Venice set the tone for the week. I drove Jennie to L.A. to catch a plane and we wanted to fill our morning with something purely Los Angeles. We had thought of going to the Museum of Tolerance, but when traffic and time didn't match up, I searched "Sightseeing around LAX."
Thank goodness for google! We chose to spend the morning beside the ocean in Venice. Great choice.
Jennie must look more country bumpkin for me because this sidewalk CD seller did not accost me to buy his music (though I did!)
Naturally I make friends wherever I go. I could show you a photo of Jennie with Cori - she is standing perfecely in her comfort zone bubble but me, I had to go in for the squeeze.
Emma, Sofi, & Kimberly in the Wilma & Betty spot. Tim and Josh where Fred and Barney would be: meet the "Impressions" cast.
Rehearsal: Tuesday night. Things are taking form - we played Emotional Rollercoaster and laughed ourselves silly. This is the cast of "Impressions" - they're an awesome group of actors, some dear long time theater friends and others, new theater friends. Always fun. It feels good to be back in the performance mode again.
I love this dress. I don't want to return it to Gwynnie Bee but I'm thinking I will... just because. Yikes!
Here I am playing fashion model. I decided I wanted to try the services of Gwynnie Bee and immediately fell in love with this dress. I could have bought it for a very good price if I had done so over the weekend. Now I'm upset because the price has risen, so I'm waiting until Saturday to decide if I want to keep it or send it back. I got a dress yesterday that is too heavy weight for Bakersfield in Summer. I might wear it tonight just for a moment to see how it looks (and get another photo for my "modeling" collection. :-) By the way - the idea of modeling clothes is totally foreign to me. The idea of being an artsy model, I can do because there are not as many expectations size and age wise.
On Friday a friend called and needed me, stat. I went to Dagny's with current project in hand and wrote and listened and painted and swirled. Katherine said, "You really do deserve the friend of the year award, Mom."
When writing playground was cancelled, Kimberly and I decided to go grab a bite at the Padre which we followed up with karaoke. This is a brief sojourn ghosthunting on the upper floors of the hotel. Great wallpaper up there. Very Bakersfieldien.
Beyunca and Cassidy are both winding down in this photo... part of the reason I love it is everyone seems to have forgotten I'm taking photos... except Emma. And I am not sure what caught Jaxon's eye, but I love his expression.
Sunday brunch-ish. I don't include in this photo my race to get there nor do I show (how could I?) the slow service. I did see several people who complimented Katherine - who was off at a barbeque - and I was able to bolt out with the unpictured Samuel who is still at that "don't take my picture!" stage.
This photo is truly the perfect way to say "so long" to the week. Sunset, earlier than I've been seeing it, pointing away from the sun's face. Instead, I see her face reflected in the clouds and I can literally feel her promise of a cool-down on its way.
The other thing I notice here is how beautiful a completely ordinary sky above a completely ordinary street can be. We don't need to go fancy places and take expensive trips to experience wonder and awe.
Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
The prompt from Kat McNally, prompter from August Moon -
Day 2: right now
What is it that you do now?
Today, we’re going to look at where we are, exactly as we are, right now. Grab a pen and a piece of paper; sit down in front of a screen with a keyboard; or dictate into one of those fancy smart phone apps!
Tell us what fills your weeks, days and hours.
= = = = =
ycled paint center? Check into it -
This has been a summer of house-love. Literally.
I’ve been hating/loving upgrading my house, doing long overdue projects and wooing my house back into the wonderfulness I know she is.
This investment of time has tested me: at a time of year I usually enjoy galavanting about, I’ve been remarkably staid. This made for a grumbling, sweating Julie. It has been interesting to witness my time investment now that the workmen have gone and it has been up to me to deal with painting, scraping, restoring and deciding what stays and what goes now that things are slowly moving back into place.
Every room in my house had holes in the wall of varying sizes and shapes. There was a time I wanted to cry, everyday
I am not rushing in to eliminate the chaos.
I’ve found that tends to simply create more chaos in the long term.
I am intentionally taking my time, allowing the romance between me and these four walls to heat up. It is warm, after all, as I am in Bakersfield without air conditioning when the weather is frequently over 100 degrees, but a new AC Unit is most likely in the offings later this month.
I try not to think about it, though, because it wouldn’t be the first time for me to be disappointed.
Using the 25 year old + wallpaper I tore off the bedroom walls as media for another art project & a poem
The thing is, though, the fixings were on the inside of the walls - the replaced electricity - so there isn’t much to see yet there is: there is new recessed lighting and fancy (for me) dimmers. There are pretty light fixtures and now, in the back bedroom that hasn’t been tastefully loved for more than twenty years that is now freshly painted and looking more loved than it has in the two decades we have “known” each other.
Today I napped. This is rare. I literally fell on the couch with Samuel on the other couch and I slept. And slept. And slept and now I’m still sleepy.
Today I didn’t create much art. I did write two blog posts which is sort of practical art, yes? I did not, however, work on mixed media or art journaling or painting on canvas. I did go to an estate sale and collect material for future projects.
Must have that stash.
Two of my daughters, posing playfully - I always aim to enjoy my children, to love them well & to have them know they are secure in my love.
I invest quite a bit of time in relationships, friendships. I tend to put my friends ahead of myself as I put my children ahead of myself, almost always. This week I told my daughter Katherine about something I went out of my way to do for a friend and she said, “Mom, you really should get the Friend of the Year award.”
I try to keep on “martyr watch” because that is when I know I’ve gone too far.
I’m considering starting an almost conventional new job. I alluded to that very tangentially yesterday. It would mean spending four hours daily writing, but not writing necessarily what I want to write.
Like I said, I’m considering it. Seeing how it fits and seeing if we (possible employer and I) can meet in a place that is good for both of us. I am ready to negotiate. Their first idea of a salary was met with hearty disdain. I was surprised by my own disgust and my willingness to tell the man he was pretty much out of his mind.
We’ll see what we can work out and if it fits for me.
It feels good to be in the space of detachment, absolutely.
I spend time daily creating for challenges on Instagram and on my blog. I have discovered challenges really help grow my creative flow. They help me to see differently, like I have heard drawing does.
Comedy & Tragedy: the intention is for passionate performances, well received.
I need to increase the amount of time I spend on theater pursuits. I have two short plays I am directing and then there is the Scottish play which starts rehearsal in two weeks. I need to start memorizing. I want to do well and I want it to flow rather than perplex me.
Today I noticed the light slant differently as the sun set which told me autumn is coming. It felt so extraordinary to notice, like my personal sun-whisper, “It’s been a summer of blistering sweaty house-love and soon you will be wrapped in a quilt of love-in-return.”
The slanted light felt like a new beginning.
I’m going to continue to study my time.This quarter is bound to be a blessing rich one, especially when I reconsider my intention from yesterday’s post:
My intention: to allow each of these moments in my near history to be experienced as sacred and holy, to approach them with an open boldness and a willingness to feel whatever is calling to be felt and to create with passionate attachment.
Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist. Coming soon - more creativity camps, playgrounds and workshops to grow yourself artistically (and hey, just for fun!)
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
I can’t even remember what we were discussing, I just know the message was important enough for me to write in my morning pages notebook.
I said it like this, “Well, that’s a silly thing to waste your fear on…” The words were completely straight forward, without emotion and not even laced with judgment even though the content leans toward that vein.
I said it to one of my dearest friends who also tends to have fear addiction. Everything is a possibility for fear magnified exponentially. “Eeep! Scared! The prices on asparagus rose between Friday and today! The sky is falling the sky is falling! Yes, I know it, the SKY is FALLING!!!”
I believe it is wiser to save your fear according to how it impacts you or those you love directly.
If asparagus is the only food your toddler will eat and you don’t get paid for three weeks and you had to pay for something really expensive due to unforeseen circumstances, you might earn a few fear bucks right before you come up with a solution to the sky rocketing price of asparagus.
Otherwise, you may easily assess and answer the question, “Is this really such a big deal?”
Let’s take a moment to get real:
What silly things do you waste your fear on?
Which silly things are you willing to let go of right now?
The sky really isn’t falling, you know. Everything is really going to be just fine.
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Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming soon.
Check out the links below to follow her on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
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