Learning to Keep Your Mouth Shut is a Very Important Lesson
Thursday, September 5: Pass on some useful advice or information you
learned and always remembered.
One of the most horrible situations that cropped up in my
adult life came as a result of me making a snide comment about one friend “in
jest” that got reported to her by another friend. The one who I spoke off was
naturally hurt, but she was also a woman who “wasn’t going to let anyone get
away with saying that about her!” so at a meeting where all our mutual friends
were present, she stormed into the meeting and just lit into me, yelling about
how I was a “small person” and how she “took pity on me” and what a bad job I
did in general.
My then six-month-old-daughter Katherine was asleep in my
lap as I sat there, cross-legged on the living room floor.
I stayed there, same position, and didn’t argue back at all.
I replied things like, “I am very sorry, that is a stupid thing to have said.
You are right, I shouldn’t have done such a thing.” And “I am sorry you feel
that way,” and each time I didn’t get upset with her or argue back, her
ferocity deflated.
She left the room still seething and I imagine later the
telephone wires were buzzing with discussion over what happened, but I just
kept my cool.
Was I mortified? Was I embarrassed? Was I sorry for saying
something really stupid that I shouldn’t say, even and especially in jest? Yes.
Was I angry at whichever friend in that same room passed
along what I had said, No. I wasn’t. I basically took time to catch my breath,
picked up my metaphorical marbles and went home. My friends in that room stayed
my friends. There were no “sides” that I felt, even as some of them felt
compelled to recount the times she had talked behind my back about me.
I wanted to wash it all off. I was reminded then to be careful with words always. Check in with yourself and mentally ask, "Will this comment be constructive or potentially destructive?" If I had asked myself that simple question, that void between friends would not have happened. I never felt as easy-going with that particular group of friends ever again. The awkwardness and my sorrow were always there in small remnants, perhaps, but they were there.
The woman who I spoke unkindly of and who came into the room screaming at me eventually moved away. I saw her several times
before she did and we greeted each other not exactly warmly, but we didn’t
totally avoid one another.
My advice is this: don’t don’t don’t say mean things about
one friend to another, even in jest! Only say things to one friend about
another that you would say if the other friend was there and even then, think
twice about saying it. You are better off not saying it at all.
I can hear my son’s voice in my ear, “How would you feel if
that was you she said those things about?”
Follow along with the Blogtember Writing Challenge - click the badge to be connected.
The fewer words said, unless the words are authentic and
positive, the better.
My Mom said it to my sister over and over when we were kids, "Think before you speak!" Conscious thought before blurting whatever pops into your head will change your life drastically.
I hope you never find yourself getting publicly humiliated
by someone you thought was your friend.
= = = = =
Julie Jordan Scott is a writer, performance poet, Mommy and
mixed-media artist. Her word-love themed art will be for sale at First Friday
on September 6 in Downtown Bakersfield. Check out the links below to follow her
on a bunch of different social media channels, especially if you find the idea
of a Word-Love Party bus particularly enticing.
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