Julie Unplugged

How My Teen Teaches Me to Be A Better Mom & a More Skillful Parent

Yesterday Emma pushed my hand away from my face. Without a word, I knew what she was saying. “Stop playing with your scab. It is healing. Let it do its thing. Leave it alone.”

I looked across the almost darkness of the parking lot and said, “I need to stop playing with it, don’t I? I need to get a band aid to cover it or else I am so drawn to twist at it to make it come off!”

She just shook her head, suddenly so wise beyond her fifteen years.

I felt as if every parenting book I devoured when she was little would be shaking their collective fingers at me tsk tsk tsking my using my child to parent me instead of the other way around.

Those books never tell you what to do when you get cancer, though. They don’t mention that in lives twists and turns children learn so much when parents are honest with their children, don’t shield them from their own pain.

Some of you may be wholeheartedly disagreeing with me on this and that’s fine with me.

I just had to say something about this because during the five weeks since I had surgery to carve my melanoma off my right cheek, I have felt so alone. I would google “facial melanoma surgery aftercare” and get tons and tons of links about after facelifts, but this wasn’t after a facelift, this was after a face slicing and dicing and stretching back into shape.

My doctor calls that something like a “bi something flap reconstruction” or a similar name. I call it my two hearted scar with the only piece still not just a red similar to a toddler post tantrum, but is more similar to my babies’ belly button scab that I also waited and waited and waited to just pop off. They always did after about a week or so but this has been five weeks, thirty-five days of it.

My children may be more relieved than I am once I take off my band aid. They are used to seeing my wound and I think they worry about me because when I have accidentally gone out without it, people look at my face. I think some of them assume I was beat up or something because the color has, at times, looked mottled and bruised.

No one tells you the guilt you will feel.

I feel guilty about whining when other folks with cancer that wasn’t so easily removed, many including many of my friends die to cancer.

I feel guilty about my moodiness since this started and the hovering depression that seems to be on the way out.

I feel guilty about not keeping up with my housework as well as I should.

And yes, it is inevitable, but I feel guilty about feeling guilty.

I can hear at least one of you taking the leap. You are saying, “Well, Julie, that isn’t very constructive guilt to carry around with you, just breathe in and let it go!” I will tell you, I know all about that. It is easier said than done in this and many other situations.

Thankfully there isn’t took much wallowing around in that muck, but for now, I wanted to acknowledge it in case anyone else has been feeling this same way and couldn’t wrap words around it.

My Emma gets smarter, wiser and more interesting to parent every day.

I can almost hear her saying the same thing about me.

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  

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© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

This is my twenty first post (of 31!) for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

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You Know You Might Be a Poet when....

You know you are a poet when you gather material while in a medical office waiting room.....

You know you might be  a poet when you sit inside the Kaiser waiting room writing poetry about ponytails and scrubs and taking photos of the stack of books you just took out of your bag to review during your fifteen minute wait.  I created a whole world about a woman today in navy blue scrubs with kites on the top and a high swinging pony tail a la Marcia or Jan Brady.

 

Seriously? She must have graduated high school in 1987. Put away the high ponytail at work. You may wear it if you are cleaning or decluttering or holding your miracle baby who constantly grabs any hair within grabbing range but please, that Marcia-Jan swing must leave the building now.

You know you’re a poet when you sit among storytellers and two use the word “periscope” and two use the words “inner sanctum” and you vow to consistently stay away from those words. Do these people not own a thesaurus? Did they not hear the person so close to them in our performance line up that they didn’t come up with an alternate version of their piece with a different phrase for inner sanctum  (why not exclusive hideaway or hidden room or private bunker) or something else that reaches up in order to “see” like a periscope does (perhaps an elephant’s trunk reaching to the top of the palm tree.)

You might be a poet if Used Book Sales make your heart beat faster...

 

You know you’re a poet when the phrase You know you’re a poet begins to sound like a more than a fender bender car crash in a major intersection or like Jeff whatever-his-surname-is repeating “You might be a redneck if….” And I immediately flash to my visitor from Austria last night, explaining about the term “redneck.” I pointed to a guy as he got out of his pickup wearing wranglers and throwing a bud light can into the trash: “Do you see how his neck looks?”

“So leathery and red.”

“Exactly. “

Even so, let’s think about more original ways we might say, “You know you’re a poet when….”

How about ….

It finally comes clear that you are not an ordinary lover of words when….

The light comes on: you do not think like every other person who calls herself a writer out there when…

The word-vault creaks open to reveal you are not an ordinary writer when….

Alice Rawsthorne wrote “Cliché is an ugly word and seems all the uglier when applied to something that is thoughtful, original and ingenious but has come to seem clichéd through no fault of its own.”

“You know you’re a poet” or “You might be a poet when…”  reminds me of a ringing phone lost in the bottom of your purse. You have to find it and answer or shut it off before everyone in hearing distance looks at you as if you are an old banana someone forgot to throw away.

 I would love to hear some of your creative ways to say... whatever cliche or overused expression you are completely sick of hearing.... let's get the laughter ball in the air....

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  

Writing at Emily Dickinson's Home in Amherst, Massachusetts

 

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© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

   Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

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One Question to Live and Share Freely Today -

Reflect, consider, act....repeat, examine, share freely...click on the image to see it in a larger size. Copy, post and use as will be of most service to you and anyone who you think may gain from the image and the message.

 

This is my twenty-first blog post (of 31) for the Ultimate Blogging Challenge!

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot 

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!) 

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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Rosemary: More than a Flavorful Herb to Me.

The scent of rosemary has reached me at my desk from its baking dish in the kitchen.

It is as if the plant from outside my window is saying “Thank you for helping me fulfill my purpose.” I thought I was just preparing to be prepared for Emma’s lunches and maybe a dinner or two by precooking ten pounds of chicken breasts in several different ways, but instead, I may now work in a place of sensory delight.

Rosemary smells so earthy to me. I have said when eating anything with rosemary, the taste the smell the experience of it is as close to food foreplay as I know.

It brings me into a forest that never dries up, slight moisture in the air.

It brings me to a loaf of bread, dipped in oil, and eaten mindfully while smiling into the eyes of a lover, knowing what will happen later.

It brings me to gardening, the earth, to gratitude, to connection with the divine.

All of this lusciousness simply because I wanted to be sure my precious little Emma has a wide variety of lunches this week since I haven’t felt inspired or motivated all school year since cancer has been hovering over each and all of the shoulders of my family members.

I noticed Samuel was in an exceptionally good mood this weekend, too, which may have something to do with my pure happiness which brought me to cooking large amounts of chicken in the early morning.

This morning Samuel was nearly giddy with happiness. As I dropped him off at school he was still completely happy. This hasn’t happened for such a long time.

Joy must be contagious, just like the scent of rosemary always infects me with peace, with contentment, with hope.

 

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot 

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!) 

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

This is my twentieth post (of 31!) for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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Stop Making Snap Judgements and Start Opening to Delicious Surprises

People who are alike dress alike: clothing and appearance is one of those identifying marks as sure as people who wear Girl Scout uniforms are more than likely Girl Scouts and people wearing McDonald’s uniforms more than likely work at McDonald’s.

I told some women the other day when I perform poetry I usually wear black with perhaps a colorful scarf near my face as an accent. I don’t normally wear a beret, although many people associate berets and poets. Add some bongo drums and snapping fingers and the stereotype is complete.

I can’t imagine some of my favorite poets donning black or a beret or carrying bongos when they read poetry.

Like so many other times, sweep judgments don’t work.

You can’t look at a scraggly guy and think, “He must be homeless,” when in fact, he may be an eccentric millionaire. You can’t look at the statuesque, well coiffed woman and assume she is a successful newscaster because she may be an out of work model looking for a gig whose only food yesterday was a can of tuna.

Look at yourself a moment.

What do you look like?

I’ll share what I look like this morning. You make your judgment AND I am not sharing a photo.  

I look like a tired Mommy who is recovering from melanoma surgery. My black polo style dress with grey pants underneath say I value comfort. Yesterday my friend complimented the waves in my hair and I replied, “This is called wash and run out the door.” She assumed I ‘made my hair look that way’.  Genes made my hair look that way. If you look closely at my hands you will notice my nails have been shortened by a nervous habit and my melanoma  wound has been dressed today, but not covered, and somehow right there – within the scar itself -  a double heart has formed.

What would you judge about me by “seeing” this picture?

Yesterday I attended a SoulCollage workshop and for some crazy reason I made eight cards in one afternoon. It was interesting because some people only made three cards, some made five and several of us made eight.

There is no rhyme or reason for it.

Several of the cards are sticking with me today.

This card (see it on the left) said to me, “I am one who collaborates with many sorts of ‘others’ – both those who look like me, talk like me, walk like me and those who don’t do any of that. When I stay open to collaborating with a variety of eclectic people, I find my greatest happiness and the wildest success.”

How many times do we look at people and immediately make a judgment?

She is too fat, he is too lanky, she doesn’t look very smart, I abhor that band on his t-shirt, Oh, I can’t work with people who were a t-shirt and jeans, can’t he at least wear khakis and a polo?

Perhaps these scenes aren’t exactly what you find and I am sure you hear yourself saying something like this.

What do people judge about seeing “your” picture?

Are these insta-flash judgers the people you want to be your friends?

Notice your snap judgments today and consciously snap out of them. Better yet, I dare you to initiate even the smallest conversation with a person you would never have spoken to in the past. The conversation may be your one-sided, “Good morning!” Quality and length don’t matter today: being open to different sorts of people is what matters.

The next surprise person you are open to may be filled with delicious surprises. Best of all, you may be someone elses delicious surprise.

This blog post was inspired by a prompt from BlogFest2012. Today's was written by Paula Martin: read her prompt and her "Judging  a Book by It's Cover".

 

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!) 

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

This is my nineteenth post (of 31!) for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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The Journey to Expand the Box Your Worn Out Beliefs Have Built

Before I respond to the prompt, let me say one thing: not everything you read on my blog will be in this category, but I remembered… hey, how about I stop explaining and  just start writing:

Today's question from Stream of Consciousness Sunday?

What have you done recently or would like to do that’s outside your comfort zone?

 I remembered this week when 5passions.com was active I used to regularly write coaching articles featuring a variety of my clients and myself, fictionalized. I figured it helped my readers on many levels: they got quality, real-life information and paths toward solutions and I got practical writing ideas.

I always love being able to apply what I learn. I’m a big believer in “Hey, having an insight is fantastic but unless you actually DO something with it? You might as well have not even had the insight in the first place.”

You are living your life and BAM! Big a-ha moment arrives and you begin to take baby steps.

(Or) Big a-ha moment arrives and you say, “Wow, I just had an a-ha moment,” and do nothing. Pretty sure even the a-ha moment has disappeared from your memory like last season’s new fall television shows that didn’t make it past the first couple episodes.

I haven’t done this style of writing for years.

It isn’t that is wasn’t valuable, it is, I suppose fear.

I built a thriving coaching practice before much of my life as I once experienced it, disintegrated.

There has been something whirring around in my brain that if I start expanding my coaching practice too much again, my life will disintegrate.

During a session of SoulCollage ™ today, I was reminded of these self created barriers and decided I just need to cut it out. My life will not implode if I step my writing up a notch and include essays on my blog that are “creative life coach-y.”

Now that I did the work of today, I realized this in so many different ways.

I figured stepping out here, right on my blog, and saying “this is a comfort zone I am breaking through!” I would… yes, need to take some consistent action to match my breakthrough.

Thank you, Jana – for Stream of Consciousness Sunday and bringing this topic to the forefront of my mind. If I didn’t know better, I would say there is a conspiracy for my success afoot.

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
• Link up your post to Jana's Thinking Place
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

 

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot 

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!)

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. 

Did you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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Powered by us.groups.yahoo.com  © 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

One Way to Deal with Disappointment: Creative Step by Creative Step

Today I wanted to go to Los Angeles for a Poetry event that sounds so breathtakingly wonderful. I had debated back and forth as I couldn’t seem to rally any friends here in Bakersfield to go with me, but then I realized I would probably enjoy it more alone.

I mapped out my plan: a labyrinth at a garden in Pasadena, followed by a Used Book Store Adventure on Spring Street culminating in a two hour poetry/art/music fest in a museum I’ve always wanted to visit including a poet I have admired for years. Read her books, heard about her performances from other well respected poets – I finally convinced myself I was worth making the 120 mile each way journey on my own when I woke up to a car that wouldn’t start.

I pulled my soul collage card – it is one of my favorites: a clown fish leaping out of a box from what appears to be a high rise filled with cookie cutter people.

The expression on her face says, “What the hell is going on and how the hell did I get here?” A loan sunflower is attempting to fly up rather than down from her box.

I wrote:

I am one who enjoys making plans and is, most of the time, resilient to the plans breaking up and finding myself free falling into whatever otherness happens to be there.

I am one who is tenacious no matter what the circumstances, and although my face doesn’t necessarily show it, I am perpetually optimistic AND I deserve to admit to disappointment.

I am one who is not like the cookie-cutter masses or even like my closest friends. I am getting better at realizing just because they love me it doesn’t mean they don’t love all my varied activities and even because they don’t love those activities it doesn’t mean they don’t love me.

I am one who is familiar with disappointment and while not excited when it happens, I can leave my box behind… most of the time.

I am one who prefers to hang out with flowers and empty boxes than people who don’t get it. While I enjoy inspiring those “close to breaking free” there are times like these when it is perfectly ok not to want to hang out with people who look at me as if I missed the bus back to whatever institution has charge of me. For those in the know, picture a nineteenth century asylum.

Now I am smiling. I am making plans for a differently shaped day. I am definitely doing coffee at my favorite hang out with a friend who has been out-of-town for the past few seasons. Perhaps I will do some sunset chasing, maybe a ride to somewhere on the outskirts of town to lie on a blanket and look at the stars. Maybe I’ll happily chisel some moments for creative time and maybe even memorizing my monologues in time for my Thursday performance.

What moved me from melancholy to “hey, this isn’t so bad after all”?

It took me to remember who I am underneath the disappointment. I am not the disappointment nor am I the disappointer. I am just me. I sometimes see me better when I stare at my art – in this case a soul collage card, and pull out the trueness of who I am that things like disappointment briefly mask.

It is like Trent Zelazny says, “Life goes different ways for different people. Some people’s lives are formed by a cookie cutter and some are immediately tossed from the kitchen.”

How will you deal with disappointment today, tomorrow and next week?

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!) 

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

This is my seventeenth post (of 31!) for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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My Beloved Tween Boy: From Contented to Cranky & Back Again

Samuel has become a super cranky ‘tween boy lately.

I pick him up from his (has always been) beloved Valley Achievement Center. He asks me if I have hired a construction worker yet because he wants to get the place destroyed. He says he hates it and they hate him.

This all started when I suggested a specific goal he doesn’t like and now I wish I hadn’t opened my big fat mouth to suggest it!

Little does he know I have been fighting to keep him there what with California’s strange new law that says parents of children with autism and with insurance cannot be funded via regional center anymore. My health insurance is one of the notorious ones that is being difficult. It is also, by the way, being sued by an Autism Parent’s group so go figure!

Samuel has just been so surly lately I am at a loss to know what to do!

My daughters have both gone through the tween thing, but I was expecting, even with Samuel’s autism, that he wouldn’t be quite so challenging. I know, stop laughing now.

I was probably delusional.

All I know is my usually pleasant at the end of the day is now almost always grumpy for at least the first fifteen minutes after I pick him up each day. Once he gets calm and knows the only place we are going is home, he gets happier.

My hope is… soon he will just be happier over all so the people he loves feel  happier as well. I suppose all parents know that relief of having a contented child rather than an upset child. I know I do.

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!) 

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

This is my eighteenth post (of 31!) for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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Remembering Emma's Wisdom: It is a Process - Be Patient...it is a process...

The grief I currently carry around with me has such a familiar tenor, such a traditional rhythm, such a “have I heard this song played before?” pace to it.

I remember how I responded to grief when Marlena died. For those of you who don’t know her name, she was my first baby and was stillborn nearly twenty three years ago.

I started going to a therapist about two weeks after her funeral and I was given a thirty day leave from work so that was the time I allotted to feel better.

Thirty days to grieve an entire life – one that was never lived, all those losses vacuumed from my life experience – just like that. I’ll be done, I thought, ready to move along, I thought, 30 days is plenty of time to grieve! Wow, was I naïve.

Now I feel like a jerk for continuing to grieve the part of my face that is scarred from my melanoma surgery. It is a similar song, different tune.

This time I am grieving the face I have known for fifty years. I am grieving the facial sensations which are now dead and I am not sure if they will return. I am grieving my status as “no cancer for me!” Not a single soul warned me what this would be like.

I do know I have been restricting myself from talking about it much. I am convinced I am boring my friends who have stopped noticing (or remarking) about the band-aid or scarf or both I am constantly wearing to cover my wound.

I can’t blame them.

I am bored of the topic, too, probably even more than others  are bored of it!

Even so, I am going to continue to give myself space to write about it, to bring it up, to share my thoughts with others for at least another week and probably longer.

One day at a time, as one of the twelve steps advises. Each day I check and clean my wound and think… “Yes, today it is a little bit better! You can do this!” so I will be as I continue to grieve and continue to have compassion toward myself just like I would have compassion for anyone else experiencing this situation.

It is funny – not ha-ha funny but interesting funny – when I bring up this subject of how I am feeling both emotionally and physically from melanoma, I get tired. Cancer is tiring.

It appears I have beaten this one.

This is good.

I am feeling better.

This is good.

Most people continue to support me without me asking them to at all.

This is good.

I am committed to improving, day in and day out.

This. Is. Good!

Follow me on Twitter: @juliejordanscot  

Be sure to "Like" WritingCampwithJJS on Facebook (THANK YOU!) 

© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott

This is my seventeenth post (of 31!) for the October Ultimate Blog Challenge. Watch here for challenge posts which will include Writing Prompts, Writing Tips and General Life Tips and Essays.

  Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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Julie Visits (and Writes) with Emily in Amherst