Little Julie-ism : No Teams No Winners No Losers, Just Play OR How to Help Your Teen Down Disappointment Road

When I was a little girl, my family would tease me about a lot of stuff, but one of their favorite Julie-isms to howl at was, “No teams, no winners, no losers….we’ll just play…”

I was the anti-competitor, especially in athletic events. I always felt responsible of whatever team I was on lost because… I’ll admit it… I am not very coordinated.

I was never anywhere near the fastest in races, either.

Somehow I passed this anti-competitive in athletics thing to my children.

This doesn’t stop me from being a recovering competitive person in other areas.

Today my daughter, Emma, got the word that she did not make the regional honor choir. This was a big deal for her, my little sweetheart who always feels woefully inadequate. She cried and then cried more when I went to pick up her brother.

I could hear the sobs starting as I walked to the car.

My heart broke.

My kids getting sad makes me soooo sad.

Even after I tell them no matter what happens, I will love them – unconditionally. Sometimes for a broken hearted teen or a confused tween on the autism spectrum, it just isn't enough.

I have been practicing grace lately which tells me there isn’t a race for better or best “against” anyone, just like for my children. My prayer is they will be the better and best version of themselves as they are, nothing more, nothing less.

I started Emma in voice lessons a few weeks ago, realizing while her voice is beautiful she doesn’t have the technical skills that would give her a better shot at her goal of being in the regional honor choir.

I never even had such a thing in high school.

I tell her she doesn’t have to rush, she doesn’t have to race, she doesn’t have to compete to be the best Emma there could possibly be because she is….

No one in the world remembers I actually made it into the semi-finals in the fifty-yard-dash in the whatever-extra-junior-rinky-dink Olympics when I was seven. They do remember, though, that I was one of the kindest, most compassionate little girls in my school.

Which one, I ask, is more important in the long term?

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Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. 

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