I hate, abhor, can’t stand, would rather wish away being bored with myself and what I create.
This
dramatic proclamation comes on the heels of one of my Autumn Blog
Challenge
Prompts: “I hate being..” I don't know if it is grammatically correct and to be frank, I don't even CARE!
It is one of the worst insults to any artist to be
told your work is the “b” word. In fact, the words “hate” and “bored” (or any
variation thereof) are not welcomed in my home. It might seem odd to not use
those words, but we just don’t.
I think it was my seventh grade English teacher,
Mr. Seymour, who said, “Only non creative people ever get bored” so from then
on, I banished the word. I banished the creation of an environment of boredom.
Instead, I create ALWAYS an environment of curiosity and curious questioning.
I worry almost incessantly that my art might come
off as copy cat art.
I try to stay calm with it all. I do. But when I
have created something and then see something similar, I want to cry or roll up
in a ball. Sometimes I lift concepts from other artists, but I always hope to
be at least somewhat unique and interesting rather than, you know.
I loathe, abhor, dislike in torrents, detest, am
repulsed by… being seen as “the B word.”
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity
Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since
1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director,
Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the
StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
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you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your
inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion
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Wow. Today's prompt for August Blog Challenge requires I dig back into my archives.
Subject? Best or worst first date.
I am
grateful I haven’t had many worst dates because I tend to be openly fascinated
with each person I encounter. Some first
dates have been… ummm… more interesting than others and some of my break-ups
have been hysterical… but this, for now, that I can come up with….
It is interesting because when I am not feeling well I tend
to drudge up characters from my past. So I searched for him on facebook
yesterday and read what I could. I don’t want to be his friend or anything, I
am just curious about him.
Our first date was supposed to be an open mic followed by
dinner. What a way to win my heart: agreeing to listen to poetry with me.
The open mic turned out to be another night so instead we
went to dinner.
He didn’t know it, but the week leading up to that Friday
night was extremely stressful. I needed a nice dinner and a friendly
conversation companion. He chatted up a storm and I mostly smiled and nodded,
but this was just right for that moment.
I was disappointed when I didn’t get a goodbye kiss. That
came on date number two.
But I have to say, this date stands out as the best because
#1) it was a first date after a long time without dating #2) its shape was
based on what I love the most #3) even though we didn’t know each other well,
the conversation flowed.
This isn't a photo from those days... it was long before digital photography - but it shows the way I felt before I went on this long ago date.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity
Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since
1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director,
Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the
StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
Did
you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your
inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion
Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost)
every week day. Subscribe here now -
I’ve never had a black eye, so the feeling is unfamiliar at
best, but since Thursday’s surgery to remove a melanoma growth from the area
around my cheekbone, anything is possible.
I just re-read my post surgery instructions and think it
would be wise to call my doctor. Just in case getting a black eye is beyond
what my face is supposed to do in such circumstances.
In this image, you may not be able to see the golden hue. You'll just have to take me on my word.
People ask how I am doing and I never know exactly how to
answer.
My right ear has been clogged since surgery so my hearing is
wayyy off and causes my equilibrium to need a lot of insta-fixing. I feel
motivated to do a lot, but know if I answer its call, this whole healing
process will take longer than necessary.
I have weird feelings in my face, some of which could be
labeled “pain” if I chose that description.
I find I get distracted when I am called upon to describe
this, my face and how it feels and how it looks under the dressing.
Maybe it is because I am delaying calling my doctor’s
office.
My bet is that this is the biggest desire to delay. I am
watching video on making paper roses instead of calling my doctor, instead of
writing. So here is what comes next: I’m going to leave the keyboard and call
my doctor.
Ready, set, get off my butt.
I called my doctor’s office. A nurse will call me back. I am
just not sure this warrants an office visit. This is my first (and hopefully
only!) melanoma surgery.
UPDATE: I have an appointment scheduled for 3 PM this afternoon. Phew. This news will make my Mom happy. And maybe I can get my ear cleared up while I am at it.
I am grateful I had the chance to JUST WRITE and get these
words out. What's on your mind? If you think you writing might help, go for it. Click the link above or click the one on the Just Write box below. Link up and let me (and everyone!) know how it goes.
Words from Heather, the creator of Just Write:
Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up. You can add the url of your post at any time. Just
be sure it’s a link to your Just Write post, not to your main page, and
please don’t link to posts that are not written in the spirit of
capturing moments–like lists or sponsored posts. Then please link back to this post in your post so people know where to go if they’d like to join in. (Any links not following those two guidelines will be deleted.)Also. Please take a moment to visit someone else who has linked up! It’s a really good way to meet new writers and get inspired by the meaning behind their moments. Word?
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer,
Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award
winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice
the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
Did you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free
from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One
inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now
-
Miss Foley turned Mrs. Downing turned to Garden State
Parkway or Mass Turnpike
Or is she walking slow down the avenue in my old neighborhood?
Each time,
it seems,
though maybe not exactly,
well I’m not sure.
Have you been looking for a poetry writing challenge created within a community of poets whose
goal is to encourage, inspire and share thoughts with one another? Join OctPoWriMo Now - we start in days now... and a bunch of tips are on the website now to get you started!
I knew I wanted to do it, but even more I thought people
would think I was weird or even more horrifying, people might think I was vain.
After all, I have been called vain before which I didn’t think was possible
given how I feel about my appearance.
I just knew it was something I wanted to document: my face,
before Nora, my melanoma, gets removed later today.
As a member of the arts community here in Bakersfield, I
know many photographers. I opened my mind and heart and asked, “Who should I
ask to take these photos for me?”
The answer came immediately: “Sarah.”
I hadn’t seen Sarah in a long time. She used to do theater
here in Bakersfield. She has done a lot of
creative endeavors, but the last
time I saw her she said she was scaling back her photography business. She also
mentioned way back then she would be happy to photography my children and I in
the future.
I sent her a facebook message which started something like
this, “I know this might sound weird, but…” and she called me soon after saying
she would be honored. She went on to say her mother had also had skin cancer
and like me, had to have her face reconstructed.
She reassured me what I was doing was a smart and brave
thing to do.
I almost wanted to cancel several times. I almost wanted to
say “Never mind, really – this is highly unnecessary” but I pushed myself
through that pulse. I showed up a bit late and off we went, traipsing through
Hart Park to see where the setting sun and the sights would take us.
My only aim? Surprise and perhaps, if I was lucky, one
decent picture.
My only regret? I didn’t get a shot of Sarah and me
together.
Look at these photos. Look how gorgeous they are? I am not
saying I am gorgeous, it is so far from that – what I am saying is, didn’t
Sarah capture the moment well? Aren’t the colors crisp and astounding?
I think it is a proper farewell and remembrance.
Nora has reminded me of the preciousness of each moment –
something I knew but sometimes don’t remember very well. She also reminded me I
have the most incredible assortment of friends on the planet. It is also
significant that I have heard from each of my siblings this week: even John.
He told me it is time for him to take care of me. He said he
was so happy to be able to change seats with me and hold me up rather than the
other way around.
Thank you, Nora. I’m ready for you to go now. Thank you, Sarah Downie from seeing sarah photography. Thank you: those words don't say enough. (And readers, all the photos she took are copyright protected. Thank you for respecting that!)
I added this post to the Weekend Blog Showcase from MommyOnlyHas2hands blog hop. Check it
out and join the level of connection that is being created there.
Before I knew, there was Nora, kissing my cheek... June 2012
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emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the
Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every
week day. Subscribe here now -
I am finally off my butt and writing some long overdue Autumn Blog Challenges. I want to start
where I am and work backwards or just keep going forward.
Here is the question for September 19: September 19 - List 5 short-term personal goals.
Get through my surgery for melanoma and quietly
restore my rhythms with my new face.
Since I will not go out much while my face is
still badly scarred, use that time to do stuff I normally procrastinate about:
First priority, weave random writings into a less random book format.
Finish the Living Room (Sew curtains, hang
photos and art.)
Work on Women’s Sphere art: specifically, more
bowls and more hangable art.
For relaxation, dye paper, make flowers.
All my short term goals are all me. They
mostly revolve around how to thrive post melanoma surgery. There are a lot of
unknowns. What I do know is my face will have lots of stitches for who knows
how long and I won’t feel very comfortable going out for a while.
Naturally my Mommying goals and my house
goals are intact.
I should put a #6. Contemplate what comes
next… and take what actions I can while at home.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer,
Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award
winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice
the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
Did you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free
from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One
inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now
-
I spent much of my time last night with Eleanor Estes and
Emily Dickinson.
Both women are fine company for a woman writer of today.
I was dying pages of Emily’s poetry and ironing pages of
Eleanor’s book, The Middle Moffat, to use in future art projects. It was
so meditative and so much fun and a great compliment to the photo editing I
have discovered, the project that says, “Oh, I can be so close to them visually….”
Here’s what I mean.
When I was a little girl my writing hero was Laura Ingalls
Wilder. I adored her. I still do, actually. I have read about the controversy,
that it is her daughter, writer Rose Wilder Lane who wrote the Little House
Books, that Laura was simply the inspiration. I have heard that stuff and I don’t
even care about it.
I love Laura for the character in the books and also for the
woman who lived a rather tough life yet came out, in the end, an individual who
contributed to society.
I created two photos of us yesterday and today. Can you see
me in this one? I am hiding amidst the trees, writing. You and I are among the
few who know (and I can secretly appreciate) the photo of me I merged with
Laura was taken in Emily Dickinson’s garden.
I also feel compelled to spend time with Elizabeth Barrett
Browning, who rebelled against her parents and married one of her fans and
correspondents, Robert Browning, and fled to Florence so she might feel well.
Together they had a son they named,
appropriately, Pen. Well, his actual complete name was Robert Wiedeman Barrett Browning, but Pen seems so much more like his
parents than all those official sounding names strung together.
Elizabeth reminds me my love for my children
is fierce, perhaps more now that I have cancer and am fighting back. I remember
her husband’s line, “Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”
One of my latest heroes is Charlotte Perkins
Gilman, who fought depression and won. It was an ongoing battle, raged
throughout her life, but she won. She won! Without medicine!
She is also a mother of a daughter named
Katherine. She changed the world with her words. I merged these photos of us
and the outcome gives me chills.
Some of you will recognize Eleanor Estes and
others wonder why her name sounds vaguely familiar.
She was an award winning children’s author,
born in 1906, when one of my grandmothers was six years old and one of my
grandmothers was two years old. She became a children’s librarian after she
graduated from high school in Connecticut.
I imagine the books offered a lot of
inspiration.
Just like her books offer me a lot of
inspiration today. I was dying pages from The Middle Moffat last night, reading words and admiring the
illustrations. I enjoyed, too, the words and characters named Nancy and Jane.
My mother is named Nancy and her good friend was named Jane. It helps make me
feel so familiar with Estes and her work.
What women writers will you spend time with today?
What writers in general will you spend time with today?
Let me know how it goes - I would love to hear from you.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer,
Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award
winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice
the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
Did you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free
from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One
inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now
-
Wow. You may have noticed if you popped by yesterday, I wrote on the entirely WRONG topic for Five Minute Friday. After such a fun time at the Thursday night party, I missed that, too. I was thinking about other things. Cancer surgery. On me. Something I didn't want to think about, so.... for whatever reason my mushy mind thought the theme was TRUST. Click to read my post on that topic.
CALLING DO-OVER ~ I write now on the topic of FOCUS. (Isn't that ironic?)
Yesterday I wrote on…. Trust… which was the wrong topic but
apparently exactly what I needed to write. I introduced the new character in my
life I am soon going to be separated from… Nora, my Melanoma.
I finally got my diagnosis – well, a week after the biopsy
isn’t bad….and it has thrust be into a different world. Surgery, Thursday. I
lost focus when my doctor talked about “then, when I reconstruct your face…”
I started regaining focus when I just took care of business.
Yesterday it was pre-op bloodwork, EKG (which I was told was beautiful) and a
chest xray. The day I was diagnosed I did my long overdue mammogram.
This morning I focused on sharing my news with friends so
not everyone would get the news third hand. That was very emotional for me so
after that I decided to focus on word-lessness. I created art. I did dishes. I
dyed paper for future projects. I found a photo editor that would do stuff I
always wanted to do but never learned how to do it.
I focused on getting stuff done and focusing on beauty and
wonder.
I got some ice for a cup of water and said, “I wonder what
would happen to this color if I melt ice on it?” So I put some ice on the paper
I just died. Maybe nothing will happen. It never hurts to wonder if we direct
it in a positive area, along a positive river… instead of taking the fear
rapids to “I wonder if they’ll find more cancer, I wonder if they’ll make me
look like a freak, I wonder if any of my friends will follow through and help
my kids and me like they say they will.”
It is much more productive to focus on those easy “I wonders”
like “I wonder if the dye will change” and “I wonder if I can peel this paper
apart better when it is dryer?” and “I wonder how gorgeous the paper flowers I
am going to make will look?”
I look at my timer. It didn’t ring and I wrote for six
minutes.
So, I am a day late and a minute long.
I wonder if these words will make my readers smile and focus
on wonder rather than ride those rapids of fear? I hope so… wonder, wonder,
wonder. Focus on wonder, wonder wonder.
This is my CORRECT Five Minute Friday
post, written on Saturday. Simple to do, awesome to read and greet the other women doing
exactly the same thing. Want to try it out? Here are the guidelines:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link at LisaJoBaker.com and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you
need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them
in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And
the heart of this community..
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity
Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since
1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director,
Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the
StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
Did
you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your
inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion
Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost)
every week day. Subscribe here now -
Trust: I shook my head when I saw today’s Five Minute Friday
theme.
Seriously? I trusted I had simple basal cell carcinoma so
when I got the call Wednesday that I had melanoma (what I referred to as the
BIG M) I was somewhat upset and discouraged.
I mean, I was beside myself with fear and cried a lot that
first night.
Once things were in motion with the diagnosis though, it was
on warped speed. An appointment with the surgeon, pre-op work, surgery
scheduled for a week from yesterday.
Everyone is so pleasant.
I even named my melanoma. Nora. Nora, my melanoma housemate.
I know, call me crazy.
I have to relax into trusting when it comes to stuff like
this. I was afraid to get an EKG today, but I went in and rested myself on the
table and thought about love and patience and prayer and sang a bit inside my
head and the nurse/tech raved about the beauty of my EKG. It was NORMAL! Which means
a lot to someone who has cancer attached to her face.
All of a sudden I am very, very sleepy.
Trusting, to me, is a lot like saying Yes. I agree to this.
I know everything will be. Just right. That I have so many friends praying for
me and loving me right now, it’s almost unfathomable especially because I felt
foolish even seeing the doctor for the pink spot on my face.
Nora and I will be spending our last few days together
crafting, writing and perhaps visiting the beach with the children.
We’ll toast to the end of our time together.
I will trust the farewell will be amiable and she will
never, ever feel the need to return.
This is my weekly Five Minute Friday post. Simple to do, awesome to read and greet the other women doing exactly the same thing. Want to try it out? Here are the guidelines:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link at LisaJoBaker.com and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you
need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them
in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And
the heart of this community..
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity
Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since
1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director,
Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the
StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield.
Did
you enjoy this essay? Receive emails directly to your
inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion
Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost)
every week day. Subscribe here now -
Challenge
Prompts: “I hate being..” I don't know if it is grammatically correct and to be frank, I don't even CARE!
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