Twenty-two years ago was my first Mother’s Day. Twenty-two years ago was my most
painful Mother’s Day.
My First Born daughter, Marlena, would have been three months old. She was stillborn so instead, I could visit her grave but there was no baby to hold. It had taken me three years to get pregnant with her so I wasn’t all that optimistic about quickly having another baby and besides that all the “experts” told those of us whose pregnancy failed to wait a while before getting pregnant again.
Many people who know me today don’t know my stories of infant loss or infertility.
There is a part of me that feels like it was so distant, like another me or a long-ago friend who went through those circumstances. At other times, I tumble headlong back into the sadness. I realized this week she would be graduating from college sometime this Spring if she had lived.
I found out on the Friday before Mother’s Day twenty-one years ago I was expecting a baby again. Katherine. She is now twenty-years-old and just finishing up her sophomore year at Smith College.
I had a miscarriage after Katherine and then two more children.
My favorite job in the world is being a Mom. My children are my most significant creative project.
My heart still aches on Mother’s Day, though, for the women who sit in that place I did twenty two years ago: a mother whose only child had died OR a woman who would love to be a mother but for whatever reason, never had the opportunity.
I avoided church that year, I stayed away from restaurants giving out the requisite rose yet a part of me felt I was being disloyal to Marlena’s memory. I was a mother then, just a mother with Empty Arms. “No one understands,” echoed in my head. People tried to understand, but it felt like no one understood.
I cried and prayed, “I can’t make it through another Mother’s Day without a baby!”
My heart still cries for other invisible Moms out there – or other women who for whatever reason have never conceived or never carried a pregnancy to term or
Moms whose families feel "incomplete" for whatever reason.
This year, remember those Moms and their babies or babies-who-have-never-been. Be bold enough to tell them you remember, you love them, and though you may not understand their experience, you feel sorrow with them.
Please. Remember those women.
This post is a part of the StoryADay in May project. I plan to write a 300 word (roughly) story/vignette each day in May. With that, May You Be Blessed by
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again April 19, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.
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