Julie Unplugged

On Mother's Day: To Other "Invisible Mommies" or "Mommies-Who-Never-Were" ~ I Remember You Today #StoryADay

Twenty-two years ago was my first Mother’s Day. Twenty-two years ago was my most
painful Mother’s Day.

My First Born daughter, Marlena, would have been three months old. She was stillborn so instead, I could visit her grave but there was no baby to hold. It had taken me three years to get pregnant with her so I wasn’t all that optimistic about quickly having another baby and besides that all the “experts” told those of us whose pregnancy failed to wait a while before getting pregnant again.

Many people who know me today don’t know my stories of infant loss or infertility.

There is a part of me that feels like it was so distant, like another me or a long-ago friend who went through those circumstances. At other times, I tumble headlong back into the sadness. I realized this week she would be graduating from college sometime this Spring if she had lived.

I found out on the Friday before Mother’s Day twenty-one years ago I was expecting a baby again. Katherine. She is now twenty-years-old and just finishing up her sophomore year at Smith College.

I had a miscarriage after Katherine and then two more children.

My favorite job in the world is being a Mom. My children are my most significant creative project.

My heart still aches on Mother’s Day, though, for the women who sit in that place I did twenty two years ago: a mother whose only child had died OR a woman who would love to be a mother but for whatever reason, never had the opportunity.

I avoided church that year, I stayed away from restaurants giving out the requisite rose yet a part of me felt I was being disloyal to Marlena’s memory. I was a mother then, just a mother with Empty Arms. “No one understands,” echoed in my head. People tried to understand, but it felt like no one understood.

I cried and prayed, “I can’t make it through another Mother’s Day without a baby!”

My heart still cries for other invisible Moms out there – or other women who for whatever reason have never conceived or never carried a pregnancy to term or
Moms whose families feel "incomplete" for whatever reason.

This year, remember those Moms and their babies or babies-who-have-never-been. Be bold enough to tell them you remember, you love them, and though you may not understand their experience, you feel sorrow with them.

Please. Remember those women.

 

This post is a part of the StoryADay in May project. I plan to write a 300 word (roughly) story/vignette each day in May. With that, May You Be Blessed by

My Story A Day in May! 

 

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again April 19, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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Sometimes a Wave to the Passing Rambly Old Truck is More than a Wave to a Passing Rambly Old Truck #storyaday

I usually hear it before I see it: a battered, old, rambly truck I am guessing from the 1940’s. It is red, faded, and the owner has hung a raccoon tale from one of the side mirrors.

I know from my writing schedule the truck usually ventures from the street perpendicular to mine at 6:40 am.

Recently I’ve been in my kitchen at that morning hour, preparing school lunches. My heart has said a wistful, “Hello, truck,” as I turned back to my task at hand. Occasionally I’ve wondered if the truck has noticed my absence since last September, the last time I sat on my porch, writing, and waved a jaunty hello.

Recently  put a folding camp chair on my front porch so that I could sit and write and contemplate there once again. My friends the mourning doves and the black birds keep me company as they dine on the mulberries and the seeds I leave for their pleasure.

I was punishing myself for those months in between September and now.

This morning, I waved to the driver of the roaring old truck at 6:40 as I drank my coffee and wrote: I had finally forgiven myself enough to let myself free. 

This post is a part of the StoryADay in May project. I plan to write a 300 word (roughly) story/vignette each day in May. With that, May You Be Blessed by

My Story A Day in May! 

 Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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Mindfulness & Being On Time (and Late) for Meditation Group #storyaday

Yesterday was a stressful day. Oy, it was as if everywhere I went I didn’t want to go.

Anything on the perpetual to – do list, except writing, was something I really didn’t want to do.

I needed a mental health day: perhaps a solo retreat on a mountain path, walking at my own pace. Stopping to observe and become a part of nature. That sounded perfect! Unfortunately, in this real day of my life, it was also not quite possible.

The second best thing, I knew, was meditation group.

I picked myself up from my desk and gathered my breath back deep into my body and set off. I knew I wasn’t going to be very early, but I also knew I had plenty of time.

I wasn’t counting on the slowness of other drives – as in 20 miles an hour in a 35 zone – to cost me time and red lights, but I still had enough time. I figured I would slide into my seat with about two minutes to go.

I was thrilled when I pulled my van to a stop right across from the door of the Art and Spirituality Center. It was 12:06 on my car clock, I was four minutes early! “Oh, it is a miracle,” I said as I leaped out of the car and looked to the door and saw it was shut and the “sign was out” that meant the group had started. I looked at my cell phone clock, “12:07” she said.

I ran across the street and no, the door hadn’t magically swung open, the door still said “If the door is closed it means we have started our meditation and we must not be interrupted.”

At this point I believe I threw my head back and moaned. I almost knocked. “12:08” My phone said. “I still have two minutes to go!”

I literally stood at that door silently debating with it about my rights to be on the other side. “I really need this,” I reasoned with the door. “I come her faithfully” I told her telepathically. “I gave up another meeting to come to this group because life has been chaotic this week!” The silent door didn’t even blink her eyes at me.

It would have been so easy to call Sister Sherry to complain. It would have been so easy to kick the door or a tree or drive my car recklessly, but I didn’t. Once I finally accepted my fate, I stood at the same door and breathed, gently. I inhaled love and I exhaled more love. I visualized the circle of friends inside and continued with my soft love breath.

I went in my car and went home.

Next week, I will be earlier.

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

 

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#Row80 Wednesday Check In: Writing on My Porch + Writing in Community = Writing Productivity

On Wednesday ROW80 Updates, I share brief story-lettes about my writing life within the challenge rather than a this is my goal that is my goal, etc. Check on Sunday for that sort of check in… and thank you, always for reading and commenting!

I have been writing up a storm lately. I am pleased to report my rhythm has been rediscovered and the song it makes causes me to tap my foot and sing along.

I have been back on my writing porch for early morning writing. I haven’t written on my porch since SEPTEMBER so it has been very very very odd and sad to not do so. I usually start with a prompt and/or a question and then off I go into the listy, rambly world of morning pages.

What I do afterwards, though, has changed.

I have started gathering people in my home to write in community. I have been doing that a couple times a week and my friends LOVE it. I love how we grow as a group of friends when we do this. I share prompts, we read our work aloud, we encourage each other. I have been a part of Teleclass Writing Groups for so long, but this is the first time I have felt good about opening my home like this.

I LOVE IT!

I have also been joining my friends on Mondays at my friend Kimberly’s house for something we call “Mondays in May.” Kimberly has a fantastic yard complete with a pool and lots of outdoor furniture, so we gather and then work separately together throughout the day. I did my usual TeamSprinty session on Monday and wrote over 2300 words in that ONE hour.

For me, writing in community works.

While I usually am the writing teacher or leader, it feels so good to simply be another person participating.

I do lead at my house, but at other people’s homes, I usually step aside unless asked for advice.

How has your writing been going lately? Have you been doing anything different and new or restoring a practice? I would love to hear about it!

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is
also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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#Wishcasting Wednesday is BACK! YAY! Today's prompt --> What do you wish for your home?

What do you wish for your home?

I took today’s wishcasting question to my morning pages.  It became a laundry list of what I needed to purchase in order to create what I wished for in and about my home.

I realized then, after I drove kids to school and took care of a few chores this morning, that what I wish for my home goes far beyond what my home is filled with as far as art and fixing-up.

What  I wish for my house is what people comment upon when they enter: “Your house has such a great vibe” they tell me. “Your house invites creativity, brings it to life through you…” they say.

I think things like, “I need to refinish these hardwood floors” and “Darn, I missed a cobweb!” but my friends are thinking, “Julie is such an inspiration” and “I am so glad to know there are still houses like this, especially in California!”

I want my house to continue to be welcoming toward all: couchsurfers, exchange students, friends and friends-to-be, my children’s friends….artists, musicians…whomever.  I want conscious creativity to happen here, both in collaboration as well as separate-together creativity. This is happening, also, but I wish to up the ante, raise the bar.

I wish for my house to be an expression of the people who live and create here.

I wish for my house to be a haven for seekers and evolving souls.

I wish….

And Now, what do you wish?

Join other wishcasters here:

As you wish for yourself, beloved one, so I wish for you also….

 Thank you, Jamie Ridler of Jamie Ridler Studios, for providing Wish Prompts each Wednesday. During the Wishcasting Hiatus, I felt the void. Thank you for doing what you do!

 

 

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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Women Writers in Literary History: Lucy Larcom - Lowell "Mill Girl", Poet & Influential Memoir Writer

I was involved in this years April A to Z Challenge. My theme? Women Writers in Literary History. I fell head over heels in love with the theme so I am continuing to write my brief primarily social biographies. I hope to write as many as two a week. ENJOY!

When I discovered Lucy Larcom it was as if several of my worlds collided.

My friend Jared gave me the Poetry Edition from an old Children’s Encyclopedia last Christmas. He had found this series at a book sale and parceled the volumes to friends he knew would appreciate the content. I found a strangely feminist sounding poem tucked inside among what you might think would be in a poetry collection from the mid-1940’s. The intrigue led me to a google search where I found Lucy Larcom had been one of the Mill Girls in Lowell, living in the planned "Golden Experiment." for young girls to work in cotton mills in the 19^th Century.

Lucy Larcom lived and worked in Lowell from age 11 to age 21. She started as a threader, meaning she delivered spools of thread to the women working the machines. She graduated quickly to working the loud, heavy machines. She and her friends would post their favorite poetry on the walls since books were not allowed in the mills. She read her “poetry library” throughout the day, sometimes challenging each other to recite from memory.

She and her sisters were valued both for their tenacity in the workplace, but also for their love of language. This love helped her to insure the machinery would not “make her its slave.” She continued, "(the machine’s incessant discords could not drown the music of my thoughts if I would let them fly

high enough."

Until she was 15, she could attend school 3 months out of the year. She took full advantage of this opportunity for an education.

When the Mill Girls of Lowell began an experiment in publishing their work through a magazine for the workers called the Lowell Offering. Lucy was published repeatedly.

Through her poetry, she became one of the voices of the Mill Girls.

After she left Lowell, she started teaching school “out west” in Illinois, even though she had dropped out of school at age 10. She continued her education there, in Illinois, as she taught school, hoping to have enough credentials to eventually move back to Massachusetts and teach there, too. In 1849 she enrolled in the Monticello Female Seminary in Godfrey which had rigorous studies for women.

 Lucy returned to Massachusetts once her education was complete. She took a job teaching at the Wheaton Seminary (now Wheaton College.) She maintained friendships with John Greenleaf Whittier (who wrote a poem about her), Harriet Beecher Stowe, and Louisa May Alcott among others and eventually left her teaching career to pursue writing and publishing full time.

 Her 1889 autobiography, A New England Girlhood soon became a classic, a chronicle of the Mill Girl experience from a Mill Girl herself. She published fifteen other books, primarily poetry, in her lifetime.

 So – next time you are planning your Christmas gift giving, consider each friend’s passion and gift accordingly. I am grateful Jared did!

 ===

I am working on a page with links to all my biographies. Watch for it, soon!

 

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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#StoryaDay: A Drabble, A Ten-Sentence Story & a Prompt Writing a Day Keeps the Blockage Away

Today for StoryaDay I wrote a ten sentence story (the first one) and a drabble (the second one.) Both are memoir… both are true. I also used the opening prompt from my Writing Prompter at StoryaDay as well. This process started my writing off to such a positive start – I can feel my gratitude filling me as I wrote. Thank YOU for reading!

Ten Sentence Story

She was my spiritual mother.

She saw me at times when no one else could.

We stayed close all through high school and college, long after I moved away.

I remember when Emma was born, the day after her birthday, she did the then-unthinkable.

She called me long distance.

For her generation, this is quite shocking, indeed.

She called me out when I did something unseemly or out of character.

She made the best chocolate chip cookies I have ever eaten.

She didn’t stop our doctor play when we were little children.

I embraced the wicked.

Drabble – 100 Words Story

“You are a sour mouthful,” she said.”You are a small person.”

She was doing her best to humiliate me in front of our mutual friends.

I admitted it, I had done wrong. I had made a stupid joke with her as a part of the punchline, never thinking one friend would tell another would tell another and it would get back to friend #7 who was now pulling me along the asphalt of her worst insults in front of a shocked audience of friends.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated over and over.

No emotions, no tears, just “I’m so sorry.”

I embraced the wicked.

This post is a part of the StoryADay in May project. I plan to write a 300 word (roughly) story/vignette each day in May. With that, May You Be Blessed by

My Story A Day in May!  

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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Workin' on a Groovy Thing with the 5th Dimension and the 6 Bradys on May 7, 2012 #storyaday

I remember when I was in my elementary years and Friday night meant the Partridge Family and the Brady Bunch ruled supreme. I remember how much I idolized the Brady kids. They had cool clothes, a really nice house - except for the fact they all had to share their bedrooms.

Their yard was small, but that staircase was to die for, I thought.

Plus they could use words like "groovy" and nobody laughed at them.

Even with their straight laced, ridiculously white-bread demeanor, the Brady Kids would occasionally hippie out and say "Groovy" amidst other memorable lines such as "pork chops and applesauce" or "suddenly something came up".

My family never behaved this way or talked like this. We didn't have a live in maid named Alice with a butcher boyfriend. I do remember, though, there was this one time...well, I wonder if my brothers remember, too.

Its strange, because my eye twitches as I type this, as if I am uncovering some ages old secret. "Don't tell these stories, forget them for God's sake!"

I have an elephant memory. While I always remember, the pinch and kick and hurt of memories and the power they have over my life have, for the most part, gone away.

Our eldest brother, Jeff, had the reigns over the other five of us that night. He was in charge and my parents were who knows where. I don't remember them going out all that much, but this Friday night they were out. I was too young to have made the Bradys my steady Friday night companion, so I felt the need to ask permission from my eldest brother.

"Can we watch the Brady Bunch at eight o'clock?" This may have been the day of one television set, before we got a second set in my parent's room. Jeff agreed the Brady Bunch was fine and the next thing I knew my face was being slammed into the table.

Apparently my second oldest brother had different television viewing plans and the easiest way for him to express his anger was to smash my face on a hard surface.

I remember being so completely shocked it took a while for my face to register the pain before my first gasping shouts of anguish erupted from the lowest point in my belly. I think they asked the question, "Why?" wordlessly. "What did I do?" and "Is this what happens when I ask for what I want?"

I wish you, as you are reading this, could see me now.

I am sitting in my friend Kimberly's family room here in Bakersfield, California. I am looking out at her pool. I can hear the waterfalls dancing over the man made rocks. I can smell strawberries and oranges and minty lemonade. My chin is in my left hand. Again, I wordlessly ask myself a question:

"Could this association, deep inside me, be what blocks me from asking for the things I want? Could this association, deep inside me, be what keeps me from thinking I deserve to receive what I want or that I am even on the same planet as 'Feelin' Groovy'?

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea this story would take me here. I just had a prompt about finding the title of the forgotten oldie and I chose Workin’ on a Groovy Thing by the Fifth Dimension. I was planning to write a story about how forward thinking my family was, how they embraced the Fifth Dimension.

I didn't expect the Fifth Dimension song title would take ME to another dimension of discovery.

This is what happen when we let writing do its magic.

When we step out of the way of our creative life force with all its healing agents, that groovy thing comes through us full force and suddenly forty-year-dormant awarenesses pop to the surface. When that happens, they will finally be worked on... and therefore I will soon be able to say "On that day, May 7, 2012, I started Workin' on this Groovy Thing.

This post is a part of the StoryADay in May project. I plan to write a 300 word (roughly) story/vignette each day in May. With that, May You Be Blessed by

My Story A Day in May! 

 

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

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Seis de Mayo - Samuel's Birthday & A Different Story is born eleven years later #StoryADay

I never thought I could paint. Sure, I could slap colors on walls of my children’s room or the hallway or even my living room, but paint on canvas or paper or watercolors, even? I couldn’t do that.

If I look back, though, it started with painting on practical stuff. I painted a lamp, for
example. I loved that lamp. Used it for ten years until my cat knocked it off a table.

I went through a “let’s paint clay pots!” phase. It was here I learned the joy of blending colors.

Then I started painting regularly a couple years ago at the Art and Spirituality Center at Mercy Hospital.

My writing was going strong through ALL of this when I started taking photos with my digital camera. I took so many photos I wore out a couple cameras until I would finally calm down and be more like a normal person as far as photography goes. I suppose that is sort of true, though on the way to Samuel’s school today I took photos of the front door to as many homes I could find. I wanted unique ones, not cookie-cutter tract home doors.

I started noticing walkways and paths, another fixation of mine.

I thought about how I always draw houses in the same way. A triangle on top, a square on the bottom, a rectangle chimney on the right hand side of the triangle and requisite curly cue smoke raising up, slowly, to heaven.

“I want to try making other houses than that one!”

I think I said it aloud. I completely shocked myself by making such a declaration. Immediately I started planning. I could google, “How to draw a simple home” to get ideas. I was going to spend time in the studio this afternoon, painting, so what a grand opportunity to paint/draw four different home styles. Curly cue smoke be damned!

I was going to find a new house to create and perhaps a different life as well.

I have started sketching houses and I have started resketching my life. The smile on my face would wrap around my head if I didn’t have ears.

This post is a part of the StoryADay in May project. I plan to write a 300 word (roughly) story/vignette each day in May. With that, May You Be Blessed by

My Story A Day in May! 

 Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 24, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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Reflections: Women Writers in Literary History from A to Z ~ Passion Ignited! #atozchallenge

I started the A to Z Challenge knowing I had failed last year, miserably.

I took it on this year because I loved challenges and I thought, “This year I’ll be smart. I’ll chose a theme.”

Truly, I think it was having a theme that saved and challenged me the most.

My theme was Women Writers in Literary History and I primarily focused on the less
well known women writers. Some of them, I discovered, were obscure to me but better known by other blog visitors. I primarily focused on women who were no longer with us, but for several letters there wasn’t much choice. X, for example, was really tough. 

I slogged through the month, though, and not only did I learn about a lot of women I didn’t know before the series, I fell deeply in love with the concept – becoming an expert in women writers in literary history. Last week I spoke at the Bakersfield Museum of Art and shared some of my poetry improv experiences with them. The time of creativity was seasoned liberally with stories here and there about some of the women I featured.

Among the favorites I featured were (see their photos in this blog post, in order of their names) Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, sometimes called "The Bronze Muse";Ursula Bethell, a poet from New Zealand;Marietta Holley, the Female Mark Twain ; . 

This very lively (mostly senior citizen) audience was so engaged – and they loved when I name dropped about the better known authors who were friends with my lesser knowns. 

I loved that I could throw in an editing technique by the Writer Celebrity most everyone knows, Emily Dickinson, a fact I learned by visiting her home several times in Amherst, Massachusetts.

I love my A to Z so much that I have devoted myself to continue the series, just not with such a fast pace. Right now I am working on Lucy Larcom, a Lowell Mill Girl turned Poet and Writer from 19^th Century New England and Yuriko Mayamoto, a fascinating Japanese Novelist from Mid-20^th Century. Fascinating women and many more are waiting to be remembered via my writings. I got great feedback so I can only imagine as I continue gleaning content, the better it will become and I imagine a book (or something) it may also become.

I’m looking forward to reading others A to Z Challenge experiences this year.

It was a fantastic experience many times over.

 

This blog post is an entry in the A to Z Challenge. Each day in April (except Sundays) I will be featuring a woman in literary history. If you click on the logo below, you will be introduced to the writing of more than a thousand bloggers writing on a wide variety of topics in April, all from A to Z!

Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She teaches a teleclass/ecourse "Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Engaging, Enlightening Stories" which begins again May 23, 2012, 2012. Find details by clicking this link.

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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