I participate weekly in an experience called “Stream of Consciousness Sunday.”
This weekly event is hosted by Fadra at AllThingsFadra.com . I love it, just blathering for five minutes and then shouting DONE before posting without any polishing or thought.
Naturally this morning I have been wandering around in a “Ohmigawsh. It is this birthday. I’ve planned nothing. I don’t really want to do anything but I do want to do something.”
After my usual breakfast ritual with Samuel, I wrote this (and yes, it took a little bit more than five minutes)...
This Seven-Squared Year:
started on a high high high following the unexpectedly phenomenal Poetry Fire. Fantastic birthday celebration alone: solo soul retreat at Montano Del Oro. Perfect day, fancy meal I shared with a sea lion and the sunset over the ocean. Perfect.
I continued to punish myself and started to forgive myself. Finally.
I have tried to hate theater. It didn’t work. We are sort of on speaking terms, sort of kind of maybe once I feel more steady again I will show up again...(I am working on two shows now, but know after they close, I am walking away again. Not sure for how long, just feeling my way through it all.)
I have my first employer/employee relationship in years. Not contract/contractee or hired advisor or freelancer, but actual employer/employee. This was odd, uncomfortable, great, inspiring and an administrative headache. All for a four hour a week job!
I wrote a lot of words.
I traveled. More than usual. Flagstaff, the Northeast (twice), Dana Point (more than once, can’t remember exactly), the Bay Area twice. I opted to skip a visit to Glen Ridge, where I grew up. Soon. I. Must.
I grieved. Again. Still.
I backed into a cave and pulled a faux fur blanket over my head. I am still there much of the time. I still have a problem getting poetry onto the page. This has literally never happened to me before. I trust it is for a reason and I trust it will end soon.
I saw Emma move into high school mode and became quite the cook in order to please her and remind her during the day, when we are separated, how much I love her.
I advocated for Samuel and many other unique children. I helped Samuel transition from one school to another. I assisted in his return back to Gen Ed, to win a Spelling Bee (yay Special Ed child winning a Gen Ed spelling bee!). I came alongside him as he won two other competitions at school. He still yells at me at least once every morning. I allow myself the space to cry on some mornings.
I was curious.
I made some new friends who stir me and soothe me.
I loved well and was loved well in return.
I lost several friends due to death and other things.
I hugged.
I opened my arms to emptiness.
I watched nothing, I heard silence.
I threw a tantrum on the road to learning to be my own champion. I told my therapist, “Maybe I am the one I have been waiting for all this time?”
I sewed curtains.
I discovered more compelling women artists.
I told more stories, even becoming a story slam champion. Twice.
I was disappointed, I was hurt. I was surprised, I was challenged, I knew a wobbly peace.
his was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post at AllThingsFadra.com
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
(My favorite photo from my seventh squared year, taken at Walden Pond. Where else?)
Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot
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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott
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