The most recent Reverb11 prompt comes from an unknown source. I saw it and knew THIS IS IMPORTANT TO WRITE!
December 29- When did you feel your most authentic in 2011?
When was it?
Where were you?
What can you do to have this feeling more often in 2012?
I aim towards authenticity every day. Many times I feel authentic down to my marrow. Other days I am frazzled and nervous, on the verge of a teary, overwhelmingly sad crying fest.
I would love to make 2012 a year of more authentic days and fewer teary, overwhelmingly sad days. I wouldn’t mind having more tearfully joyful days, either. That would be downright blissful.
Now, for some authentic stories.
Visible Poetics Poetry Improv
I curated my first ever art show in January, 2011. I called it Visible Poetics, since I am primarily a poet and writer though somehow visual art waltzed its way into my life so now I create lots of art. It is not my favorite, though. My favorite is combining my love of words and poetry along with visual art.
We had both an afternoon closing and an evening Poetry event featuring performing poets. I wasn’t sure how this would go, since I have never curated a Poetry show, either. I have hosted Open Mics, but I wanted this to be unique and different. For some reason I decided I would take a piece of art – a bowl, with poetry decoupaged to it, and revise it.
I was going to create an Improv Poetry experience. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I allowed the audience to participate in creating a poetry/performance art moment in history. It was…. phenomenal. I have some short video I can show you, not of the whole thing, but a slice of it.
The fog had rolled in when I went outside after the event. I floated along, so blissful. Oh, and I took photos with a purple poetry whale. Long story on that one but it involved a recitation of “I never saw a purple cow….” Also, crazy as it was… a huge hit.
This was on January 28, the day before my birthday. On January 29 I took a personal retreat day at Montano del Oro. This was fantastic. It was very enriching AND very authentic without an audience.
Less public again, but very authentic was when I had a heart to heart with my best friend just this week. We shared a lot of tears (from me) a lot of tenderness (from him) a lot of breakthroughs, a lot of dream sharing. I was totally vulnerable. It felt horrible yet great, if that makes any sense at all.
I also did something that still makes me squirmily uncomfortable.. and wholely genuine. I was authentically me in choice making, but that doesn't mean it was comfortable.
Here goes: I did not audition for VDay, Bakersfield this year. Just yesterday one of my friends (a VDay friend who has become an all-around friend) texted, “Well, VDay starts next week; that will be great!”
When I texted back, “I am not doing VDay this year.”
She texted back… “Oh, nooooo……”
I didn’t audition simply because I didn’t want to audition. I am stewarding my time very carefully now. I have done VDay for the past seven years. I love the mission, I love the women who are involved and I just did not have it in me to do it again right now.
I forgot until that text conversation how much the other women might be sad and disappointed. My friend finally texted back, “You were my beginning and my strength and you still are my strength.” Followed by “love you!”
Sometimes being a part of pure, authentic love is saying, “It just doesn’t fit now.” Tears burned my eyes when my friend grieved my news via our text conversation.
The tears were about the love, caring and yes: my authenticity. I am no longer willing to work on projects that don’t fit certain criteria. Next year, maybe I will be ready for another VDay. For now, I will support the women. I will not be among them. It will be weird and I know it will be right.
I can't ask for more.
Julie Jordan Scott is an award winning Writer, Creativity Coach, Actor, Director and Soul Opener. Two new teleclasses/ecourses just announced: January Writing Camp and Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Effective Stories in Your Business and Life. Space is limited - register quickly!
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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott
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