Julie Unplugged

Framing (Forming, Sculpting, Etc) Your New Year Now

“And now we welcome the new year,

full of things that have never been."

-Rainer Rilke

I waited for the East Coast to meet the New Year before I published this post back in on December 31, 2011. I am re-sharing it because I love the message. It sort of goes with how I am feeling on this December-Eve, 2013, which I plan to use to build the architecture for an empowered, authentically expressed year in 2014.

December is right around the corner. I'm stretching my toes toward the New Year in these last days of November because it just feels right to review and pre-plan simultaneously rather than keep the two separate.

What about you?

Enjoy what I've shared and now am sharing again. There is richness here for all of us.

Celebrate!

===

I am so grateful for this turn of the calendar page. I know, I know, New Years is just an artificial, human made time for renewal but any time we say “New, Again!” I am inspired.

This new year is in many ways a “Do-Over” for me.

In the last few months I have returned to my roots in many ways. I am more involved in the Poetry Community than the Theater Community again. I am involved in many writing communities both online and in person. I am teaching writing (or facilitating the writing process of others) in many different spaces.

I am, once again, inspired.

I feel passionately alive and so ready to work on my projects in 2012. Momentum is building. I am, my loves, riding the wave, smiling widely, laughing, picking up rocks and throwing them into the water, looking closely… and then looking up to meet your eyes and say, “Hey, look at this!”

Some of my more eccentric aims this year include:

Lie under a pomegranate tree this Spring so I may write a poem while looking at it mindfully.

Visit more author’s homes, preferably fairly unknown women authors who are asking to be rediscovered and appreciated once again.

Find more Story Slams and participate. I may have been a two time champion here in Bakersfield, but there aren’t currently any slams here! Los Angeles, or other places, here I come with my stories to tell!

I am going to participate in a writing project called 500WIP, which translates into “Write 500 words on your Work in Progress Daily” ~  It is eccentric for me, the Non-Fiction Writer and Poet to be writing a Novel. But I am. And it is taking form in my head. I know, I know, plot plot plot BUT I am thinking I will write in a similar style to the House on Mango Street… a Novel in Vignettes.

I will have a fun, functional and coordinated home in 2012. I am not talking over the top Stepford Wives or Martha Stewart style, but creative, artistic and bulging over with art, music, scents… living plants… altars here and there for my beloveds… I started with my living room in 2011. It is looking soooo peaceful!

Finally, I want to make a music video. The plan is sort of a parody, of my fantasy 50^th birthday. To be shown, ofcourse, on my 50^th birthday!

I hear Rilke calling:

“And now we welcome the new year,

full of things that have never been."

I was re-reading the Rilke quote and I mixed it up a bit in my head.

“And now I welcome the New Year, 2012,

full of the Me that Hasn’t Yet Been.”

This Do-Over will be stunning. I can’t wait to meet the new people in our new year, to write new words that find their way into new hands, hearts, spirits… it is so exciting to me to be out on my skinniest branches trusting, YES! Everything is going to be just right! And knowing with every ounce of my being if it doesn’t turn out as I would necessarily have it turn out, it will all be just fine anyway. Oftentimes those “glitches” turn out much better than I could have planned.

I am hearing the horns, the shouts and the revelry of 2012 on the East Coast. I just heard fireworks from my neighborhood here in Bakersfield. Perhaps it is another person celebrating in all the US time zones this year or maybe just celebrating early.

As for us: you who is reading this and me ~ may your whole self be filled with hope and wonder. May you feel grace as you step into 2012. May you take off the mask of fear, taking action rather than being stunted in the “just talk and never do” phase. You are love incarnate. You get better with age. You are on the forefront of a revolution. It is 2012’s Revolution of the You that Hasn’t Been Yet.

Spend these 366 days with intention, curiosity and creativity and a deeper intimacy with yourself and others.

THANK YOU for reading these words.

Ooodles of love to you and yours...

Julie JS....

 

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

Julie Jordan Scott is a performance poet, writer, Mom-extraordinaire, artist, director, actor, activist storyteller and oh, so much more... who lives in Bakersfield, California with her three children (when Katherine is home from Smith College) and her lovely mutt pets: Alice the Cat and Beth, the terrier mix. She is the creator of Writing Camp with JJS ~ and finally, she wants to get to know you better. Comment, subscribe to Daily Passion Activator or this blog and finally, if you are a writer looking for inspiration, check out WritingCampwithJJS.com

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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott

#Reverb11: Letter to Myself, Beginning of 2011. I forgot some of these photos! Thanks @spacecitypaula for an evocative prompt!~

Today I began my #reverb11 writing using the prompt from Paula at Don't Be a Picklebump.Write a letter to yourself and tell yourself about what this past year has been like and what this new year will be like.

I start a synopsis ~ or short story of 2011 followed by “the rest of the story” with a month-by-month recap and more photos.

Dear Julie on January 1, 2011;

You started the New Year at Zingo’s. Quirky, like you. By the end of the year, you will feel smaller and less engaged with your eccentricity because you discovered in October sometimes that eccentricity may be toxic when you are not aware of how it may impact others.

You will spend the rest of 2011 in various stages of grief at the need to take your Julie-ness and shove her undercover, but in December, you come up with different ways to express your You-Ness to discover the best truly is yet to be.

It will be a year of reunions, new friends and lots of personal discovery. This year will not turn out as you intended or as you hoped, but it will hold many breakthroughs, creative growth  and lots (and lots!) of letting go.

And once again, you will end the year at Zingo’s and start 2012 there as well.

Now, that’s what I call true Bakersfield living!

Now, the expansive version ~

You will have lots of highlights, though, which we musn’t forget because of the misstep (and recovery and dear friends who helped you out) of October. You will be amazed by this “problem” because of how your loved ones respond. That was a positive highlight and before that, here are some others.

Right around the corner in January you will surprise even yourself with the Visible Poetics Art Show. I wouldn’t be authentic to say it went without a hitch. Having to spackle and paint the gallery was a drag and pushed back the hang, but the gallery looked beautiful and the Poetry Show you created was so memorable! A much bigger crowd than usually attends poetry events and the Creation of Poetry Improv’s Poetry Fire… which you will continue to craft throughout the year. Its orangey yellow red presence in your home will be a welcome reminder of your cool-quirky side.

February will bring a trip to Gold Country to seek out Samuel Clemens’ early writing days. Angel Camp was his breakthrough place, where his first short story blossomed from tales told at a bar (which you visited) and then written in a tiny cabin on a street called Jack Ass Hill Road. Samuel laughed about that, you almost got stuck in the mud after checking out a dog carcass which you thought might lead to his home. You created awesome memories and photos with your children. You and Samuel will present to two different classes on the subject. One at Harris – I know this will surprise you – as he is leaving the school – and the other at Longfellow School, which will become a very welcome home for him. You will advocate for him in many ways (as you will with Emma) and by the end of the year, both will be astoundingly happy educationally, in big part because of your loving advocacy.

March? Primarily nature. And some VDay. And again, a loss in the theater world. You were going to create a cool collaborative show honoring Women’s history and I don’t like sharing this: due to not receiving any rehearsal time, you won’t do it afterall. Weird, third month of the year and two losses. (The Virtual Poetics Closing was supposed to be on your birthday, but miscommunication again nixed that date AND your tenacity still pulled an enviable poetry show.)

You will go hiking on Mill Creek trail several times, once with a large group of friends. Some great photos were taken and you came face to face with a sort of out of control brown bat who was probably sick, he was definitely confused. You sketched him in your nature journal and felt exceptionally content that day.

Hmmm. This year turns out to be quite a year of feeling devalued by those you once treasured. They only make you angry now… and the withdrawal from theater continues, even before your sabbatical will begin in May.

April featured Spring Break ~ expansive travels with the children and mingling with new friends and long time online friends.  Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont and New Hampshire were visited. Shero’s homes toured and a 250 year old farmhouse slept in. You will feel more positive impact in your couchsurfing adventures. It’s good. Very good. You also will be involved in National Poetry Month activities and when one of your poetry frenemies will attempt to steal the Poetry Fire concept which you halt by staying in town an extra day. “Why do artists disrespect each other’s work?” you wonder.

May means Katherine is home again. A reprise of Dear Harvey  and taking a small character “Mattie” in Stage Door   to unexpected heights. The audience will love you. It is a positive final hurrah in theater. You will agree to be in Marat/Sade later in the year (doesn’t go up in 2012) and even as you finish 2011 you will wonder if you made the right choice.

June brought First Friday appearances (plus networking), lots of creativity with words and a trip to the Bay Area. Berkeley’s poetry walk astounds, the Starry Plow Pub’s (is that the name?) Weds Poetry Slam feels like home! So home! See Jodi again and revel in the experience.

July? Silent All These Years art show was the first time you will create a true “body of work” taking one character – a Raggedy Ann throwaway turned into “every girl” in a prom dress.  You enter her world. You will even get featured in the Californian for your art in the show: a first.

Another first: You are the Story Slam Bakersfield Champion and will be crowned twice with this honor. Pretty cool considering you are a complete newbie to this particular art.

August is Back to School in Bakersfield and attempts to fit everything you possibly can before the kids all go back to school. You visit Flagstaff and listen to more stories and tell more stories. You visit Dana Point and fall deeper in love with this place. Emma and Samuel both start school with a fresh perspective and you will be so pleased how both succeed marvelously. You attend Brittany’s wedding, which takes you to another beach. Emma has a breakdown about how school is socially so difficult. Older sister Katherine talks her down beautifully and you will be amazed at how much Emma changes by the time Katherine comes home in December.

September: Katherine leaves again. You will lead more Art for Healing Time to Write programs. (Both September and November. You will perform poetry at the Kern County Fair. You do not suspect at all the crisis on the horizon when October begins.

October: a big ass breach = your worst nightmare come true. You learn who loves you the most. You accept hugs, encouragement and more. You go back into therapy as does Emma, who has been attending group therapy since June is now in individual and goes to a psychiatrist, too. An oddly affirming Mother/Daughter event. You will cry a lot in October but don’t worry, everything truly will be ok. You make gourmet lunches for Emma to take to school and when you learn other kids were sharing in her food (and it was making her even more well liked) you make lunch making into an art form. Emma excels on the Kernal, the school newspaper, which makes you very proud. You begin creating another creative body of work, “Women’s Sphere?” which astounds you with its power. Parent Weekend at Smith will bring you respite as you visit so many important women’s history places. You continue to work on the Women’s History Month committee.

November  will mean  Art Every Day Month and you get more into ROW80, a writing challenge. You continue to do your therapy and are amazed to find a therapist who at the outset seems entirely unfitting for you yet as you work, you realize he is perfect for you. You visit a home where Charlotte Perkins Gilman lived at the end of her life. Your art flourishes. You participate in more poetry events. You put one foot in front of the other.

 

December will mean painting party (your living room and Samuel’s room will look awesome before the New Year!) You will hang out with Chelle and Jesika in Dana Point. You will actually look forward to the holidays for a change. With the children you will have an Ornament Making Night. It finally appears that yes, Everything will be just fine. You are stronger than you think. This year will not turn out as you intended or as you hoped, but it will hold many breakthroughs, creative growth  and lots (and lots!) of letting go.

 Congratulations, Beloved One.

 

I am Julie Jordan Scott ~ and this is one of my Reverb11 posts. This year, the Reverb Community is taking an individualized approach to this life changing initiative. I am answering several prompts a day in short snippets during either a 30 minute or 60 minute wordsprint. I look forward to reading other Reverb11ers writing & if you are unfamiliar, just use the prompt and use the #reverb11 hashtag on twitter. You'll have a blast!

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott

#Reverb11 Asks on December 29- When did you feel your most authentic in 2011?

The most recent Reverb11 prompt comes from an unknown source. I saw it and knew THIS IS IMPORTANT TO WRITE!

December 29- When did you feel your most authentic in 2011?

When was it?

Where were you?

What can you do to have this feeling more often in 2012?

I aim towards authenticity every day. Many times I feel authentic down to my marrow. Other days I am frazzled and nervous, on the verge of a teary, overwhelmingly sad crying fest.

I would love to make 2012 a year of more authentic days and fewer teary, overwhelmingly sad days. I wouldn’t mind having more tearfully joyful days, either. That would be downright blissful.

Now, for some authentic stories.

Visible Poetics Poetry Improv

I curated my first ever art show in January, 2011. I called it Visible Poetics, since I am primarily a poet and writer though somehow visual art waltzed its way into my life so now I create lots of art. It is not my favorite, though. My favorite is combining my love of words and poetry along with visual art.

We had both an afternoon closing and an evening Poetry event featuring performing poets. I wasn’t sure how this would go, since I have never curated a Poetry show, either. I have hosted Open Mics, but I wanted this to be unique and different. For some reason I decided I would take a piece of art – a bowl, with poetry decoupaged to it, and revise it.

I was going to create an Improv Poetry experience. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I allowed the audience to participate in creating a poetry/performance art moment in history. It was…. phenomenal. I have some short video I can show you, not of the whole thing, but a slice of it.

The fog had rolled in when I went outside after the event. I floated along, so blissful. Oh, and I took photos with a purple poetry whale. Long story on that one but it involved a recitation of “I never saw a purple cow….” Also, crazy as it was… a huge hit.

This was on January 28, the day before my birthday. On January 29 I took a personal retreat day at Montano del Oro. This was fantastic. It was very enriching AND very authentic without an audience.

Less public again, but very authentic was when I had a heart to heart with my best friend just this week. We shared a lot of tears (from me) a lot of tenderness (from him) a lot of breakthroughs, a lot of dream sharing. I was totally vulnerable. It felt horrible yet great, if that makes any sense at all.

I also did something that still makes me squirmily uncomfortable.. and wholely genuine. I was authentically me in choice making, but that doesn't mean it was comfortable.

Here goes: I did not audition for VDay, Bakersfield this year. Just yesterday one of my friends (a VDay friend who has become an all-around friend) texted, “Well, VDay starts next week; that will be great!”

When I texted back, “I am not doing VDay this year.”

She texted back… “Oh, nooooo……”

I didn’t audition simply because I didn’t want to audition. I am stewarding my time very carefully now. I have done VDay for the past seven years. I love the mission, I love the women who are involved and I just did not have it in me to do it again right now.

I forgot until that text conversation how much the other women might be sad and disappointed. My friend finally texted back, “You were my beginning and my strength and you still are my strength.” Followed by “love you!”

Sometimes being a part of pure, authentic love is saying, “It just doesn’t fit now.” Tears burned my eyes when my friend grieved my news via our text conversation.

The tears were about the love, caring and yes: my authenticity. I am no longer willing to work on projects that don’t fit certain criteria. Next year, maybe I will be ready for another VDay. For now, I will support the women. I will not be among them. It will be weird and I know it will be right.

 I can't ask for more.

Julie Jordan Scott is an award winning Writer, Creativity Coach, Actor, Director and Soul Opener. Two new teleclasses/ecourses just announced: January Writing Camp and Discover the Power of Writing & Telling Effective Stories in Your Business and Life.  Space is limited - register quickly!

 

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

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#ROW80 Round 1, 2012 Edition Word-love to Each and All... aka "Words bless us, everyone!"

I knew beyond language knowing during the final round of ROW80 I needed to continue with the momentum I had built BECAUSE of ROW80 and the friends I made within the project itself.

I will be starting the year with a new look to my writing space and different goals: I am actually starting a novel, all that NaNo stuff pushed me over the edge! I am joining a Work In Process Group which aims at 500 words a day. With that in mind, for example, I will aim for minimums of 500 words  Novel WIP, 500 words Non Fiction WIP and 500 Words editing each weekday.

Any of you who did #wordmongering sessions or #wordsprints know I write quickly, often writing 1,000 words and up during a 30 minute session.

My theme word of the year is “Intimacy” which means I will be more up front, more real and less willing to deal with people’s bullshit. I wrote a full blog post about this here if you are more interested in the concept. It will filter its way into everything I do, including and especially into my Non Fiction writing.

I will write my updated goals on the first check in. I told myself not to splurge on them now! I have also decided I will work on my goals in 20 day intervals and then see if revision is necessary. I will use the same general format in my reporting with license to occasionally change.

THANK YOU for reading, for commenting, and for making ROW80 a big part of my writing life.

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

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#Reverb11 @diana_prichard shares how: My Ideal Weekday, 2012 style ~ Focused intention and 100% Me, 24/7

I love this #reverb11 prompt from Diana Pritchard. It is a basic building block I have missed way too often in the past, the simplest “goal to aim toward” as I begin 2012.

Especially since it is an “ideal, real day” rather than an “ideal, dreamy Hawaiian vacation day” or something like that. It is a great day based in what my life is truly like now… not saying it can’t change throughout the year.

2012 is going to be more intentional than 2011. I am focusing on Getting My Groove On. My theme word is Intimacy: I want to be more authentic with everyone. I want to be completely real and 100% me wherever, wherever and with whomever.

I have done this to a certain extent, AND I want to be intentional with it.

6:00 greet my notebook with my pencil for my morning pages

6:30 rouse children: Samuel shower, Emma prompt

7:00 begin morning Mom Schlep

8:15 arrive home

8:30 – 12:00 Lead writing camp or leap into writing. On Tuesdays do complete home blessing for one hour before hitting the keyboard. Join #wordsprints and #wordmongering writing times for speedy writing. 500 words on Green Frog Novel, 500 words Non Fic WIP, 500 words editing. (I write really fast: up to 1200 words in 30 minutes, so this is a stretch but isn’t impossible.

12:00 – 1:00 Email, twitter, facebook, network, nibble, laugh. Hang out with friends for lunch or coffee, etc. at least once a week (or more). Blend into the later two hours (1:00 to 3:00) if I am laughing to hard to stop.

1:00 – 3:00 –Prepare for upcoming Writing Camps + market other programs.

3:15 – 3:45 – Pick up Emma

4:00 – 4:45 walk/run

5:00 – 5:45 pick up Samuel/come home

5:45 – 8:00 meal prep, meal, clean up, chat with family ~ work on any mom-and-me art projects. (Or just Mom art projects).

8:00 – 9:00 wind down for kidlets bedtimes.

9:00 – 10:00 prepare lunches for the next day. Check in with MFP with progress.

10:00 – 11:00 Complete daily wrap up. Network, Twitter, Day dream

11:00 – Gaze at stars, talk with beloved, snuffle, laugh, plot out collaborative dreams. Bedtime routine for me!

12:00 Night-Night!

Gratitude and Loathing: I love you I despise you and I thank you.

I literally groaned aloud when I saw my writing assignment today. 

Naturally, if I resist it or try to swat it away like gnats in my face at dusk on an otherwise perfect Summer evening, I know it significant I address it: face to face, heart to heart, soul to soul.

Here goes the prompt:

Forgiveness - What one thing do you need to forgive yourself for this year?

First off, self-forgiveness at all is challenging to me. I am able to forgive almost anyone else, but myself? Pshaw, why would I want to do that? I mean, if I continue to not forgive myself I may as well lock myself in a jail made of bars of self-neglect and self-loathing and throw away the rusty from tears key.

Melodramatic, perhaps? Yes and no.

This is why, after I read the prompt and groaned suitably, I decided writing one response wouldn’t be enough. For me that would be like saying, “I want to lose 50 pounds!” and fasting for one day. It just isn’t enough.

I need to make self-forgiveness a practice. I plan to take it on for 30 days: from January 29 to February 29, which is my 50^th birthday month. On that day, I will build a bonfire and burn them all, offering my forgiveness to heaven, where this sort of thing isn’t needed. I feel like the folks up there understand both the jail I have been building for all of my life as well as the desire to be free of it.

First up: forgive myself for not being the perfect parent 24/7 – 365/6 days a year. This is the most difficult of all because it includes those I love more than my own life. From the time my first daughter, Marlena, was stillborn, I felt guilty for failing her. I have never completely forgiven myself for that loss nearly twenty two years ago.

When Katherine was born, I felt guilty for feeling at all sad and depressed in remembering then what true loss of Marlena meant. I felt guilty for feeling guilty. The bars on my jail got higher.

When Emma was born, I felt guilty I left her for work at six weeks. I hated my work, I loved my baby, why was I opting for work rather than baby? Oh, yeah: guilt ~ since I was the one supporting the family, providing the health insurance… and the thought to leave that stable, job-most-people-would-love-unless-ofcourse-you-abhor-bureaucracy like me…. Up go the bars, higher and with more shallow gaps.

When Samuel was born, I was horrified. Not at him, but at the ridiculous fact of having a wooops baby at age 39. What sort of fool does that? Why was I continually making mistakes? Oh, yeah. I remember: I am the lowest form of life… wow, I had almost forgotten and then… Samuel. It took me more than six weeks to fall in love with him (more guilt) and when he was eventually diagnosed with autism? A fleet of garbage trucks full of guilt dumped upon me. (My advocacy work goes unnoticed, my work for all children including Samuel goes unnoticed. The fact I made my daughters into “Special Needs Siblings” ~ what a horrible legacy to have passed along to them.

Would I trade Samuel for a simpler life now? Not at all, but whenever he has a tough day, I continue to feel guilt. Unforgiveness.

I will work with this concept – forgiveness for my lack of perfect (or even respectable) parenting, even though I get continual kudos from people about my parenting skills, the anvil of unforgiveness for this lack pounds me between my shoulders: an anvil, struck over and over and over.

I am imagining living 2012 without these burdens of unforgiveness.

This is a great start. 

Writing prompt: thank you and I loathe you. Yes, yes, yes – in my world the two frequently come hand-in-hand.

Is it an accident that since I wrote this, what… eight hours ago… I have been crying very steadily? Crying is healing, I tell myself. And I even forgive myself for crying as well as I forgive myself for not being the perfect parent 24/7 – 365/6 days a year.

#Resound11#Reverb11 Here it is: for 2012 No More Tolerance of BS, More Practice at Saying NO! and Feeling Good more than Bad.

Everything is going to be ok. What is one thing that has shown you that things will be just fine in 2012?

How will you resound?

 

This year, 2011, was the first time in years I didn’t dread the holidays.

 I even allowed myself to look forward to it a little bit.

 I also allowed myself to believe (and am still believing and living!) this is the beginning of a radical shift. I feel it as a radically gentle shift – not too sprint-feeling and not-too marathon feeling, either.

 I giggled when I read the prompt. “EGBOK!” I heard myself say in my mind. Immediately I was taken back to my early 20’s, before I knew how tough my life would be AND how wondrous my life would be. After you read about the signs that everything is going to be just right (OK) you will see why I giggled as soon as I read this.

 What are some of the signs?

 1. I am willing to say no. I have practiced saying no and guess what? I didn’t spontaneously combust!  

2. I am willing and DO call my friends out when they are waddling through the bullshit jungle. 2012 means NO BULLSHIT. I just won’t put up with it from myself OR from others. Well, I will hopefully be able to love my loved ones OUT of living or wandering into that particularly harmful but sometimes so difficult to see waste land.

3. Samuel’s exceptional enjoyment of his new school AND his desire to be social. He seems to know his strengths and his teachers are giving him the same advantages to be leader as the neurotypical kids. Samuel is on the spectrum: either high functioning autism or Asperger’s depending upon who is diagnosing.

4. Emma’s ridiculous enjoyment of high school. I didn’t realize how much of my time in the past few years was spent on being concerned about Emma during her difficult and awkward junior high years. Poor thing and now, blossoming thing!

5. I enjoyed the holidays AND I feel good more often than I feel bad. Compared to my life in October and into November, I didn’t know I would be saying this so soon.

 When I was in my early 20’s I lived in Los Angeles. Two talk radio hosts had the expression, EGBOK. Whenever anyone who called in was discouraged or THEY were discouraged they would say “EGBOK”. It is what I believe as well.

 Everything WILL be just right, after all. 

 

I am Julie Jordan Scott ~ and this is one of my Reverb11 posts. This year, the Reverb Community is taking an individualized approach to this life changing initiative. I am answering several prompts a day in short snippets during either a 30 minute or 60 minute wordsprint. I look forward to reading other Reverb11ers writing & if you are unfamiliar, just use the prompt and use the #reverb11 hashtag on twitter. You'll have a blast!

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -

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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott

What is Your Wish for 2012?

Jamie Ridler asks her wishcasting community: What is your wish for the New Year? I responded right away. My wish for 2012?

First, a definition:

Intimacy, as shared by Merriam Webster:

1 : the state of being intimate : familiarity

2 : something of a personal or private nature

My theme for the year is “Intimacy”. I chose this for a significant reason: I want to give myself permission to be absolutely real with people, from my readers to my children to my fellow volunteers to my co-workers.

I wish to stop wearing masks that cover who I truly am.

I wish to model this for people who are ready to leap and live this way as well.

I wish to restore intimacy in my life.

What do you wish for in 2012? See what others are wishing here.

Love to all,

Julie

PS – If you would like to see my blog post that shares more about my intimate theme for the year, here is a link to it ~

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

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Am I the only one upset by this? Do You Follow the Guidelines for Disposing an American Flag?

I was first attracted by the surprise of colorful flowers gathered around an abandoned Christmas Tree within the always sort of strange textures and scents I find at the Bena Landfill just outside Bakersfield.

I wanted a photo so I hopped from my friend's truck to get a shot.

I didn't realize in that moment the question many of my photos would ask.

I was compelled to get closer, to see the flowers up close. "They're from a cemetery. Oh, a teddy bear. Oh, these must be from the children's section of the cemetery."

I tugged at a "Happy Birthday!" mylar balloon when I caught sight of an American flag, covered with dirt, right next to the bear and a bright pink flower.

"Oh my gosh," I said. "You aren't supposed to throw flags in the trash!" I remembered the many times I marched in parades where the place of honor was either carrying the American Flag, the Girl Scout flag, or standing alongside the girls with the flags.

We revered the flag so much that we shared what we knew was true: if you accidentally made the flag touch the ground, you must kiss it fifty times. The thought of flags being tossed into a garbage dump amidst the stench and mess caused my little girl self AND my grown woman self to feel sick to her stomach.

Before you think I am a tea partier or a crazed right wing Republican, know I am neither of those.

I am a voting mother of three who is not registered with a major party because they both disappoint me. They are more alike than they are different.

I regularly express my right, as an American, to free speech. I have been known to stand on street corners with my children to bring light to issues which are important to me. I explain to my children how lucky we are to be able to gather, be able to speak up publicly. I tell them how the Constitution protects these rights.

AND my heart did a flip flop when I saw this sight: several flags amidst flowers, balloons and stuffed toys. I remembered how during this past year I have seen freedom of speech pounced upon, how often Americans have been turned against other Americans.

We all want positive change. Our flag is what unites us.

This desire for public change and the willingness to put ourselves into uncomfortable situations ~ courageous situations ~ is because we are American. We do these things standing on the shoulders of many patriots and the values shared by our forefathers and mothers.

Our flag is the symbol of what unites us.

I wondered who had just left this pile of flowers, balloons, teddy bears and yes, many more than one American flag. In this small spot, I can see 4 American flags. I imagine if I went deeper into the pile I would uncover even more.

How difficult would it be for the staff at a cemetery to separate the flags from the other grave ornaments and dispose of them properly? I googled to find out what the rules actually are, and found this explanation.

Until today I never thought much about how cemetery flags were disposed.

Sometimes it takes getting nose to nose with a huge pile of trash and discovering your flag amidst the rubble to wake up.

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott

#Reverb11 Birthday Celebrations: Countercultural, Restorative, Beautiful & Deeply Fulfilling ~

 ---- >    How did you celebrate your birthday in 2011? <--- asked a recent #Reverb11 prompt at the Besottment blog.

Where were you? Who were you with? Did you get any presents? Make any resolutions for yourself for your next year? If your birthday is December 27 - 31, you can choose to write about what you did in 2010, or what you have planned for 2011.

It was among my favorite celebrations ever:  I took the day in solitude on a personal retreat at Montano del Oro in San Luis Obispo County on my birthday last January 29.

I know, it is countercultural to not do the whole party and hang out with friends thing, but it was my forty-ninth. I wanted to honor my journey as I was starting my fiftieth year.

I could stop right there, but I was taken by surprise several times during my adventure:

1. I was surprised how scary it was to wander around a state park by myself. Nearly everyone else I saw was coupled or in a group. I was also surprised how uncomfortable I felt asking strangers to take my photo for me, so I could remember certain moments.
2. I was surprised I had to force myself to open the door and walk down the first path.
3. I was surprised to have a rattle snake block my walk to the beach.
4. I was surprised how, once I got in the groove, going back to “civilization” was so difficult.
5. I was surprised when I decided to take myself to a fairly fancy restaurant for dinner, I was tucked in a corner – which was, nicely enough, right by the window facing the ocean, to have a sea lion as my sole companion. I got great service, a delicious meal and sundown over the Pacific. I didn’t read a book, I didn’t write. I sat there and truly enjoyed my food.

Here are some photos from my day:

 

This year I have decided rather than have a huge party I will have an intimate retreat for a number of friends in Dana Point. It will be a week-end of reflection, creativity, intention and some roasting of me. I decided it is crazy people so often only have speeches made about them at their funeral, which they don’t even get to hear (that we can be certain of, anyway!)

I am looking forward to a transformative birthday this year, not just for me but for everyone and anyone who attends. I am open and willing.

 

I am Julie Jordan Scott ~ and this is one of my Reverb11 posts. This year, the Reverb Community is taking an individualized approach to this life changing initiative. I am answering several prompts a day in short snippets during either a 30 minute or 60 minute wordsprint. I look forward to reading other Reverb11ers writing & if you are unfamiliar, just use the prompt and use the #reverb11 hashtag on twitter. You'll have a blast!

  Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot

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