This Reverb11 Day 4 Prompt was too compelling not to write today ~
How to begin?
I am at the very tail end of my forties.
My idea of beauty continues to shift as I add years to the end of my age.
Most notable in just this past year actually started on my birthday in January. I took a solo retreat to usher in this significant year. I wanted to document it with photos and since I was on my own, I couldn’t get any photos showing the pure magnificence of my surroundings.
I had to ask complete strangers to photograph me.
This meant most of them included my whole self. I used to say UGH at this thought. Now I saw, “Oh look, there I am!”
At some point between the beginning of my forties and now, I have actually come to being ok with how I look. Very rarely I use the word “beautiful” to describe my outer appearance, but I no longer cringe or turn to see who people are talking to when they greet me with, “Hello, Beautiful!”
I find my standard of beauty is not the same as mass media.
I see healthy women as beautiful.
I see smart women as beautiful.
I see creative women as beautiful.
When all three of these are combined together, we have a “the way I see beauty” in a hat-trick.
I have also learned confidence somehow adds to my beauty. Perhaps it is confidence plus a certain level of detachment. Some of my friends kid me at my ability to make friends with random men wherever I go. They watch and wonder how I do it.
I am not conventionally beautiful, I have quite a bit of weight to lose to meet the “standard right weight for my height”. My skin is less supple than it used to be.
However, I am curious and have a natural tendency toward finding anyone (actually everyone) fascinating on some level. I usually smile when I make contact with someone. I have the appearance of being open. People find themselves divulging ancient secrets to me the first time we chat over tea or coffee or a beer or a glass of wine.
I think THESE qualities are ones that add to my outer beauty.
People love to have others be curious, interested, complimentary and truly pleased to see them and get to know them.
People really DON’T notice all our perceived flaws when we are genuinely listening to what they have to say and continue to inquire after them.
I also sincerely appreciate the men I encounter: almost all of them.
Men seem to know this.
When I go to places such as bars, I don’t go in wearing a boob top with a check list of what I want in a man. I go in with my notebook, I sit at a table alone, and most often I am there because of karaoke with an aim to sing.
Then, I write.
I don’t go to bars to meet people and all I do says that. I go to write and to sing.
Somehow this also attracts people, makes them interested.
An odd pleasure of mine is observing people in such settings. One of my favorite bar-room conversations was with a rather drunk man who couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go to his room with him, even after he gave me this well-earned compliment: “You are the most unique-ass women I have ever met!” I wrote it in my notebook and had him sign it.
Once I was in my favorite karaoke haunt and a rather drunk man was bothering me. I could take it, I was writing and not all that bothered. My friends, the bartender and the bouncer, played Knights-in-Shining-Armor and bounced the guy. I never had knights in shining armor protect me when I was in my twenties.
I have come to discover I am beautiful and even, dare I say it? Become more beautiful with each passing year.
I am Julie Jordan Scott ~ and this is one of my Reverb11 posts. This year, the Reverb Community is taking an individualized approach to this life changing initiative. I am answering several prompts a day in short snippets during either a 30 minute or 60 minute wordsprint. I look forward to reading other Reverb11ers writing & if you are unfamiliar, just use the prompt and use the #reverb11 hashtag on twitter. You'll have a blast!
Follow me on Twitter: @JulieJordanScot
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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott
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