Once a week at Jamie Ridler's Studio, a group of us gather to share our wishes. You are more than welcome to join in by checking out Wishcasting at this link.
My wish? I wish to remember what it felt like then.
It was a time in my early to mid twenties when life was progressing as I always knew it would and should for me. I had a great job and good friends, I was happy in my marriage. We bought our new home right on schedule. I traveled a couple times a year. We had recently visited Central Mexico. Ken passed the bar on his first attempt.
I had no reason to think my life would do anything BUT continue right on course. When I got pregnant shortly after we bought our first house, it was an incredible blessing. This baby was like the first baby ever.
When you lead a life that feels so perfect, when the worst thing happens, it is beyond surreal.
I wish to remember what it felt like before my first baby was stillborn.
Actually, I wish to remember what it felt like to be naïve and passionate while still bearing all the wisdom I have now: when I learned life was not about company cars and expense accounts, that working for myself in a creative endeavor is what makes me happiest and with the three children I have now, people don’t know the “yearning for babies” shadow I used to bear: infertility problems and feeling broken as a woman.
I wish to remember what it felt like, then. In the wishing, I realize I love the way I feel now ~ yet, going back in time and visiting those bright days would be intriguing… it would be like going to a museum of me.
I’m sticking with the wish.
I wish to remember what it felt like before my first baby was stillborn.
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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott
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