Six months from today, I will turn 50. I have been excited for this day for several years now, making some pretty grandiose plans for the celebration.
For a long time, I wanted to grow my hair out and shave my head at the stroke of midnight – my 50th is on a Sunday, after all, so the revelry would begin on Saturday and on into Sunday. Why did I want to do this? I wanted to see what my hair looks like in its natural state without going through the whole skunk routine.
As it is, I regularly sport a gray-lo and I am not wild about it though I don’t despise it enough or am not vain enough to notice it before it becomes oh so noticeable to everyone else.
The problem with shaving my head is I have a self-conscious almost fourteen-year-old daughter who was horrified at this thought so I stopped myself and rethought the ways I will celebrate my birthday.
I started this year in a counter-cultural way. I went on a personal retreat at beautiful Montano del Oro and capped the day with a romantic dinner for one. My companion was the ocean and a sea lion who played in the waves outside my seat by the window as together, we watched the sunset over the Pacific.
I take this phase in my life with serious fun.
I got some anger from people who wanted me to celebrate according to what they thought was serious fun.
I want what I want, period. After forty nine years and sixth months, I think it is only fitting.
Today I will be taking time to reflect upon what I want to create, who I want to be, and where I want to go during this next twelve month period.
It feels a bit wobbly, a smidgeon different and a little bit exciting.
I wanted to end this post with something powerful. An inspirational, catch-phrase you could walk around talking about to your friends, ohhhing and ahhhhing the brave wisdom of this woman facing her crone years with a smile and a ra-ra-ra unseen in this youth crazed culture of ours.
On this July 29, 2011 in Bakersfield, it is way too warm for a frisky cartwheeling, boisterous word-fest… unless there is a cold pool involved.
Instead, I will close with the words of a wise woman who celebrated her own crone years with panache, May Sarton:
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. “
In this 50th year, I am daring to be myself.
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© 2011
Julie Jordan Scott
This is post 30 of 31 in July for the Ultimate Blog Challenge ~
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