"I was born on Monday, January 29, 1962 at 12:25 am. It was the second time I disappointed my mother."
I can't remember the context of writing that line, but when it first came from my gut somewhere, I gasped and then I cried. My Mom always wanted a Sunday baby. If I had only been 26 minutes faster being born, I could have made up for the fact that I was the result of a diaphragm failure. One minute born, two strikes against me.
Ever since I have felt a strong pang whenever I disappointed anyone important to me and now, on the eve of my 49th birthday it is no different.
I am celebrating my birthday in a more intentional way than I ever have in the past. I am going on a Personal Retreat to tune in spiritually, to contemplate and to be in silence and solitude. Only two people know where I am going, just to be safe.
This choice has disappointed some people. I mean, it is not what is expected. Other people expect to be included in dinners out or parties or other revelry. I'm not doing any of that - because what I want is to go away, alone, and listen. To create. To pray. To take the paths I choose to take. To take breaks when I feel like taking breaks. I have been craving rest and silence since the rest of the world started celebrating the New Year.
January 29 starts my New Year. The last year before I turn 50. It is the first day of being 49 or 7 squared. I haven't been "a square" since I was thirty six and I won't be again until I am 64. This is a big deal for me.
And I am sorry, people-who-don't-get-it. I don't mean to disappoint you. For now and perhaps it is from now on, I'm going to stop putting all my emphasis on what you want and spend more time focusing on spending my days emphasizing what my soul calls for me to do and to be.
So - I will be silent to the rest of the world for much of January 29. I won't be tweeting, facebooking or blogging except to announce the opening and the completion of my day of solitude. My phone will be off. My heart-mind will be focused.
When the Daily Post asked us to Vent - this seemed obvious, because I have seen so many scrinched up faces since I announced my plans.
The smiles I have received because of my birthday choice say so much more than the frowns.
Vent completed. Retreat is only hours away!
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