December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year?
Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution?
How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)
I have been steeping this prompt today as I work on holiday prep and my daughter's homecoming.
It would be easy to think I have worked so much with healing as a concept, ofcourse everything is "all better now" and leave it at that and yet, I long to be as filled with truth as I expect others to be, so here goes nothing.
This has been a breakthrough years in so many ways, in healing and wholeness ways as well as in other personal development and life work development. I wrote the first draft of this prompt and neglected to mention how fruitful the Arts for Healing program at Mercy has been. So transformative it has become a way to express myself not only as a student but also as a facilitator in the Writing program there. I am a student of painting and a participant/leader in the Writing program there. The intuitive painting process has been a weekly joy for me.
Beyond that very obvious creative experience, I have done a lot ~ I have experienced a lot ~ I have had many firsts and hopefully not too many lasts (unless ofcourse they were significant, meant to be lasts!)
This year I have been finding my way back and beyond. Last year at this time I was still feeling a lot of the ache from the "big three" I mean, I was telling the story a lot... or not a lot but enough that it got on my nerves when I felt compelled to say it yet again... the "this is what happened three years ago and why I still don't feel like my life work has caught up with where it was back before John died, Mom got cancer, Samuel was diagnosed and I had to fight for his education, my best friend deserted me to silence without explanation, etc etc etc."
I got sick of hearing me say it and yet, I was still saying it.
I don't say it anymore except as a point of reference, of memory. Forgiveness has been integrated in those areas so that it feels like more than a word. It is a reality.
I also got over the pain of not being in a musical so naturally, once again, I was cast in an awesome role in a musical. It seems almost comical that this hurt so much and yet, it hurt so much and in typical Julie style, an opportunity presented itself so I could be a star in a sketch comedy piece about a woman never being in a musical who SOOOOO wanted to be in a musical and it took the power and ouch away. I laugh with my friend who wrote that sketch for me... he helped me break through.... and I got so many kudos for that musical performance I am still giggling.
I am also healing in relationship to my body. I was doing a lot of classes and working out at the gym until November hit. That was a theater overload time and I was dancing for the musical but now, it is time to go back. My last session of yoga scared me. I had a huge emotional breakthrough that said, "You are doing the right thing physically and spiritually" and it scared me temporarily shut. The good thing is I know that and am working on the courage to go back. I am starting a home-based practice until January and then, I will go back to classes which is where I really love it the most. I love the energy in groups, mindfully focused, etc. I practice longer in groups.
My focus for healing in 2011 is definitely in deepening the healing in my relationship to my body. I have done a lot of work and there is plenty more to do. I am grateful I can write that and know that and pledge that and all is well with it. No shame, no finger pointing, no wandering into the Valley of "how am I going to do that!?" I have the tools, the programs, and heck, I even know how to carve out the time.
So there you have it - more evolution, more growth, more healing and wholeness.
It has been a great year and I know 2011 will bring more healing and breakthroughs than I can imagine. Ahhh, that feels so good.
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