From
Jamie Ridler’s Wish Casting Studio this Wednesday morning came the question:
What
do you dare to wish?
I
read the question early this morning and I had to wrestle with it for a while.
Then Hank, Rainer and I went for a walk in order to focus solely on movement
and the question. It worked wonders. I came back to my kitchen table which had
a notebook waiting for me to write my response to the question.
This
is what came from my pencil onto the page:
Dear
God,
Help
me dare to wish more boldly. It feels so monumental to dare these days. There
was a time I took courage and boldness on, like a sport – you remember that,
God, when I was first doing theater again. I didn’t know or accept the word
“fail” I just took on whatever appeared, unquestioningly.
Now,
there seems to have been a wild, overly long contraction rooting around my spirit,
the contraction in my belly reminding me of when I was a little girl playing
truth or dare I never chose “Dare” because it frightened me: I might fail at
daring, it might be too scary. Daring was like diving, something else I
couldn’t do, didn’t master until after Katherine was born.
As
a little girl, I chose “truth” rather than dare, even though “truth” was more
like “facts” which I knew I could fluff if that became too uncomfortable and no
one would know in the darkness of slumber parties where we played such games
while cuddled deeply into sleeping bags on the appointed girl’s living room
floor.
If
I told the truth now of what I dared to wish, it would require I burn away the
chaff safeguards I create… I need to, then, burn the barriers of fear… the
bricks that make up the multi-hued chaff.
So
in order to make “burn the barriers of fear” I need to concretize these
barriers, attach tangible words to them so others can see when they show up in
me, so those I love can ask the questions I need to risk in order to make this
wish take form.
Like
when I read Finding Water by Julia Cameron this morning, when Julia’s
friend Bernice said, “God does not live in the abstract.”… God lives in…. you.
God, you live in the truth at the core of “burn the barriers of fear.”
For
example, when I elect to waste time being passive, and watching, rather than
actively participating or producing – I am building the chaff rather than
burning it.
I
wish to dare to boldly ask myself “Am I being passive or am I participating?”
and then, I dare to wish to actively choose participation and step into
whatever that means in that precise moment.
When
I elect to wade around in the “I can’ts” and the “I don’t know hows” rather
than promoting passion for life and world transformation, I am wearing a
barrier of fear in the aisle marked “Perfectionism” and “Odd Person Out” –
thinking “I have to do it THE way” and “People won’t like me when I am on my
soap box for passion!”
I
dare to wish to elect passion promotion over “putting it off”. I dare to ask
myself, “Am I pursuing passion here?” and then act accordingly.
I
dare to wish to revisit, restore and rebalance my life so that I can sustain
the life of my family through promoting passion and to let go of the “What if’s”
that have plagued me for the past several years – and instead, boldly step into
the beauty of what is in this exact moment. There are always cool discoveries,
always different and cool people, always laughter to be laughed, always art to
be created, always connection and love in the ‘What is now”. I dare to wish to
remember that and even more importantly, I dare to wish to live that.
I
dare to wish to feel, taste and know the sweetness of finding Divinity in the
actions I take as I put shape and form to what I know is filled with truth,
what I know I was given “on assignment.”
I
dare to wish….
Julie publishes her ezine, the Daily Passion Activator, which includes an Essay and a Poem every week day - inspiration delivered directly into your email box. Why not Subscribe today? It's free.
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