Julie Unplugged

Final #Best 09 Entry: Resolutions? An Unconventional Thank you and Yes -

Today, Gwen Bell asks us to explore… Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)

I didn’t create a resolution last year. I haven’t done so in years, actually. I maintain creative projects, I create products – last year I rang in 2009 New Year with a program called “Being Bootcamp” with my beloved friend, Adela Rubio. It was a part of my attempt at focusing on building my business again.

 

In fact, if I had created a resolution that I didn’t keep, it would probably be in relationship to either health or my business.

 

I didn’t work much on either in 2009. Do I wish I had stuck with either of them? Yes and No. Do I waggle my finger at myself in disgust?

 

Nope.

 

I found it fascinating that as 2009 comes to a close, I am much more grounded and much more tangibly optimistic as 2010 knocks at my door. Everything shows improvement.

 

I have clear goals for the start of the year, I have new relationships and strengthened relationships. I have a plan about health and about my business. I have grown immeasurably when I didn’t know I could grow… and it isn’t necessarily growth by conventional standards…

 

I feel like I should be ending the #Best09 Blog Challenge with something of a bang, a ginormous “TA-DA!” but… when I look at the tenor of 2009, I see beauty like I saw in the sunrise this morning, which I wrote into a haiku:

 

It had a gold hue

tapping fingers say, "wake up!"

this year's last sunrise

 

I reviewed a lot of what I wrote in December 2008 looking for any clues for this final Best09 blog – and what I found were words like this:

 

12/31/2009

Daily Passion Activator:

 

I have been jokingly
curious with myself about
creating a "formula" to
arrive at presence, as if presence
could be a train station one
pulls into.

I giggle at that notion and
yet I understand the desire
to follow a simple recipe
and step into that delectable
space.

I am adept at its discovery
and yet sometimes get frustrated
at the limited use of language
in its explanation.

 

On December 31, 2008 my one sentence journal entry said:

 

I rushed and rushed and rushed until I got to

where I was going, exactly where I was meant

to be all along.

 

On January 2, 2009 my one sentence journal entry said:

 

I continue to have stirring connections with people I love and am coming to love more and more and more and more.

 

On January 1, 2009 My Examen of Consciousness entry stated:

My intention is to do this in writing, with a notebook.

Last night, with Sam being sick, I felt more compelled to complete the examen while cuddling with Sam, without a notebook.

It worked out just fine and tonight I look forward to doing the examen on paper, as planned.

So I didn’t resolve to take better care of my body nor did I resolve to take better care of my business though there were many clues about my desire to be present. I did that, even in the earliest moments of 2009. I forgave myself my shortcomings… quite readily… and was “cool with what was”….

 

I don’t wish I had stuck with anything other than that, actually.

 

I am cool with what was, what is, and what will be.

 

 As Dag Hammerskjold once said,

 

"For all that has been,
Thank you.

For all that is to come,
Yes!"

Thank you to all the phenomenal people I met during the Blog Challenge.  I look forward to continued relationships with you.

 

Thank you, Yes. Yes, Thank you. Yes.

In Progress - It's Not About the Paint: #CED2010 Body Theme Painting

Parker called me yesterday morning when I was sitting in my purple room, working away at a painting that I meant to use as a journaling/evocative thought tool as more than a skilled artist’s painting.

 

I never expect my paintings to be any good. I am untrained, unskilled, person-wh0-paints when her words don’t work, right?

 

I lamented to him, “I am not liking this, I am not liking this one bit.”

 

Parker is a “real” artist and he tells me all the time, “You don’t have to like what you do, you know.”

 

To which I countered, “Well, I am enjoying the process, though I am not wild about the painting. But it isn’t really about the painting this time, it is about the process and whether or not the process is serving me.”

 

 

 

He thought that was brilliant, or so he said, and I kept painting.

 

The interesting thing was as I continued appreciating the process I felt myself falling in love with my painting, both the process AND the product.

 

I wonder if I will still love her when I she is completed?

 

Makes me sound like a mad scientist painter, but I am more of a mad-writer-painter, which makes me laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julie publishes her ezine, the Daily Passion Activator, which includes an Essay and a Poem every week day - inspiration delivered directly into your email box - Why not Subscribe today? It's free.

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Sometimes One #Best09 Entry is more ranty than others, like today: The Ads that Make Me Think

Please note – today’s prompt from Gwen Bell's Best 09 Blog Challenge does not mention BEST it mentions “Made You think” so that is the direction I am taking. “Ads That Made Me think….I don’t watch much television so… I took a different route. Bear with me – it makes a lot of sense.

December 30 Ad. What advertisement made you think this year?

2009 has been a year when I have been coming back into my own. I used to have the mistaken idea that I was “somebody people knew” you know, I had the personal development website people used as an example when training life coaches, I had a radio show, I had an ezine with close to 20,000 subscribers, I was joint venturing with other cool people. I was in demand as a teleclass leader and trainer of coaches – I was it, I was IT or so I thought.

Then the Calendar pages for 2006/2007 turned and everything changed.

My brother got sick and died in a long process that pulled me out of my body and had my spirit temporarily straining alongside his spirit before I was shoved (rudely, I might ad) back to Earth. My Mom got diagnosed with Cancer – she is fine with that  now, but has Parkinson’s Disease and finally – six months after my brother died I found out why Samuel, my then six-year-old, was having such a tough time with school: he was on the autistic spectrum, but I didn’t know a child could have autism and be so brilliant, so up until that point he struggled in school with an administration that pointed its finger at me saying I was a bad parent and this impossible child was an overindulged brat until one day Google and God got together and shook me into an awareness of this thing called Asperger’s Syndrome.

In short, my life turned upside down and inside out and I lost a lot more than simply my brother, my healthy mother and my beautiful-perfect son.

I also lost my domain, 5passions.com – it is now an Italian Poker Website -thanks to a miscommunication between a couple of the big domain companies, won’t slam them here… and I stopped working with my coaching clients for the most part because I had to be ready at the drop of a hat to care for my brother and then, with Samuel, I ended up pulling him out of school until we could get his appropriate educational plan in place  so I homeschooled him for a semester and on and on and on. Once he got placement, I was literally petrified to be too scheduled because I was so accustomed to his school calling me insisting I come pick up my “out of control child” who they were sending home, once again.

I wasn’t “It” at all. I was simply Me, in a more raw setting without any sort of fluff or finery.

So why do I tell you this when I talk about the Advertisements that made me think in 2009?

Well, because of all that went down, I started to think, really think about what I was doing and why I was doing it and I lost my toleration for what I call the Bullshit Jungle – a term I coined in 2009 in response to what I was witnessing - especially the Bullshit Jungle I see from a lot of the internet marketing set, many of whom I used to pal around with from time to time.

You know, the ones that promise you will write a book in seven days or guarantee results that are “killer” – I can never understand why life coaches who are into some of the traditional internet marketing techniques use words like “killer” – isn’t life coaching about life – rather than killing or violence or… I know it is slang, but don’t we also learn, when being conscious, about the power of words?

When I see ads from my beloved Life Coaching Campadres that fit the formula without the soul, I cringe. And turn away, and thank God for my brother’s death, my Mom’s health issues and my blessed-still-perfect-just-on-the-spectrum-son because I would rather be true than be filled with bullshit from that jungle they call home.

Rant over…. Or as we say in the theater world – “End Scene”.

Help Me Choose the Flickr Group Roulette Picture with Caption of the Day....

I participate in Flickr Group Roulette (one of the ways I keep working to improve my photography skills) and today the challenge is all about thought bubbles. I took some photos, created some bubbles and as usual, over shot. Help me out, please, and tell me which one is YOUR favorite (or possibly suggest a thought, too!)

Here is #1

And #2

And #3

And #4

And #5

Last, but not least, #6

Luck, Unexpected - Daily Passion Activator, December 29, 2009

“How do you get more luck, Sam?” Parker asked my eight-year-old son.

 

Without skipping a beat, Samuel answered a-la Yoda, “Collect more shells,” as he reached into the sand of the dry riverbed and picked up a tiny, barely noticeable white shell.

 

What do you suppose the elder Parker did?

 

He leaned over and started collecting more shells.

 

Samuel had agreed to go to this park with me, one of my favorites, in order to say goodbye to Parker who was heading out of town for several days. We drove towards the entrance and Samuel asked what sort of playground toys were there.

 

“There are no toys, Samuel. There is just the empty riverbed and some lawns and trees.” I heard no response from the backseat after that proclamation. “We will have fun, though, Samuel. You will see.”

 

We parked next to our friend and I skipped up the steps to one of my favorite spaces in Bakersfield – the emptiness of this dry stretch of the Kern River. Sometimes in the winter and sometimes in the Summer there is water, but because we have had so much drought for the past few years, it has been empty of any water-life since the Summer of 2006.

 

The coyotes and kit-foxes and dear friendships bring me back to it as if it was an empty magnet case which somehow still draws people and metal near.

 

The crisp air and the enormous clouds drew me close as we went into the deeper parts of the river. I allowed Samuel and Parker space as I took photographs and breathed deeply, on my own yet with them from a distance.

 

I wasn’t close enough to actually hear the conversation, but I know Parker was different when he left than when he arrived.

 

Samuel knows that even if there are no visible toys in a park, there is joy and play and luck unexpected to be found in whatever is right in front of you. Sometimes that means collecting shells.

 

Several days later, we walked along a part of the Kern River where the water shouts along the rapids. “Look at me, be intrigued by me, but if you step into me, you risk everything.”

 

I risked reaching into a still moist section of sand and found shells, not yet white, clinging to its dampness.

 

This shell collection spoke to me. The metaphors were ripe, holy, waiting to be heard.

 

I will make a word collection from them.

 

Parker has his collection in a beautiful bowl in his entry way.

 

Where and what is your collection?

+ + + + + + +

© 2009

Julie Jordan Scott

Julie publishes her ezine, the Daily Passion Activator, which includes an Essay and a Poem every week day - inspiration delivered directly into your email box - Why not Subscribe today? It's free.

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My #Best09 Belly Laughs? Two come to mind (and aching abs and face muscles) through the @GwenBell challenge.

This blog challenge from Gwen Bell continues today, inquiring of our best…. Well, one of my favorite things: December 29 Laugh. What was your biggest belly laugh of the year?

When I think of laughter, I oftentimes remember the Anne Lamott quote, “Laughter is carbonated holiness”.

2009 included oceans of laughter and then, the resultant sweet, contentment laced holiness. I wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of aftershock-laughter in reviewing my list.. and the intriguing way the review seemed to magically create new bursts of laughter last night. To say I loved reviewing my biggest belly laughs of the year is an understatement.Oh, they were so delectable in the giggling and so rejuvenating in the reliving.

I have two episodes of belly laughter I will tell you about here, ones that literally made both my abdominal muscles and my face hurt.

The first happened on the (infamous) Julie’s Family Adventure. It actually started after our experience on the world’s longest floating boardwalk which is in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. One of the future stories my someday grandchildren will hear is “Granny used to love taking us on roadtrips all across the country, especially so she could take us to quirky places and text her friends back home zany messages about where we were in that precise moment.”

For the first time on our trip, we didn’t have a couchsurfing destination and I was planning on allowing the road to take us to wherever felt right to stop. It was about one in the afternoon when we lazed beside the lake, I looked in my trusty triple-A guidebook and chose our next stop. I called a motel and made a reservation and we were off.

That afternoon and early evening was truly magical. We wrote haiku aloud as we found our way into Montana. It is a magical world we found ourselves in, so sacred. I didn’t know what I expected Montana to be, but it wasn’t what I found. I was falling head over heels in love as each mile and moment passed.

I am not sure when it happened, but Emma was the first to see the road sign for our destination. She said, “Hey, wait a second. Does that sign there say ‘Butte’? We are going to ‘Butte” Montana and it is spelled like that? All this time I thought we were going to Beaut, Montana, which fit perfectly but not BUTT, Montana. How can you take us to a place called ‘Butt’ with an ‘E’ thrown on the end?”

That alone was giggle worthy, but having an eight-year-old boy who is actually more like a five-year-old boy emotionally made the whole discussion of “Butt, Montana” turn into… well, it isn’t translating well here, but we laughed for a good two hours which turned into more laughter and by the time we got to our motel and its requisite truck stop diner for dinner, we made friends with the most jovial truckers there and probably annoyed the heck out of the more grouchy ones.

So, if family giggles don’t do it for you – perhaps theater giggles will.

2009 was a year of one phenomenal role after another. In November, I was given the honor of portraying Charlotte Wallace in Christopher Durang’s Beyond Therapy.  Durang writes so ridiculously well and this character seemed to be crafted exactly for me. What was exceptionally delicious, though, was the cast.

We all knew each other well and respected one another’s work. My craziest scene involved my friend, Ron Warren, who both played Bob and was also directing the show. Bob is gay man who is upset because his lover, Bruce had started seeing a woman and getting serious about her. Bruce refers Bob to me for an after-hours session.

Long story short, Charlotte has no boundaries and no forethought before her words flow and in this scene, she is exceptionally inappropriate with Bob, including attempting (badly) to use her feminine wiles to tempt him.. and failing miserably… which results in a sort of food-gasm over cookies and low blood sugar.

The first time we rehearsed this scene without holding back, we laughed so hard we had to stop throughout. It was crazy. I have never laughed so hard in a rehearsal and again, it is difficult to translate my belly laugh here – just know my face hurt, my belly hurt, my limbs hurt and I rolled on the floor when it wasn’t scripted.

I loved almost breaking Ron as much as possible because he was like me in that he isn’t one who breaks. I loved hearing from audience members that I made them uncomfortable or from other audience members that I made them want to try my cookies. Or was it “my cookies”? (she says, giggling quietly to herself...)

= = =

Julie publishes her ezine, the Daily Passion Activator, which includes an Essay and a Poem every week day - inspiration delivered directly into your email box - Why not Subscribe today? It's free.

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My Love for Little Composition Books... Is Heard!

Little did I know it... my little composition books are causing a stir over at my Blogspot home.... did you know I hang out there, sometimes?

Read about them, here.

A Mom's Attempt to "Be Ready for Katherine's Last Official Day as "A Child"?

(Katherine with Emma, 1997)

I am the only parent I know who cried when her child was potty trained. But I did and now, imagine how I am taking the next factoid up on my “my baby is growing up” radar.

 

It is, for the most part, too much for me to bear (or to bare) the fact that my precious baby is to become, officially for the rest of the world – an Adult tomorrow at precisely 9:16 AM.

 

Her wisdom much of the time eclipses my own. She has poise and grace at her age that most don’t have, ever. She is so smart I wonder how she could have sprung from my womb.

 

And nine months from now, a mere pregnancy time away, she will be off to live 3,000 miles away from me.

 

How do other mothers do this?

 

The other night she and I went to a local Blue Christmas event and I introduced her to one of my beloved friends who is the mother of a newborn son. This little boy is, like Katherine, a “subsequent child” – a child born after a stillborn child.

 

Have you ever seen welcome incredulity before? It was there, in the moment I said to my friend, “Have you met Katherine?” and the look on my friend’s face, the recognition of “Wow – this child, this child-after-the-child-who-died…which means my child, my child will live, too….and live to be a grown up young adult…”

 

In that moment it felt like Katherine’s was able to see her whole life through my eyes that she never, until that moment, seen… what a blessing her mere existence has been to me.

 

A few moments ago she looked at me and said, “Mommy, promise me you won’t go outside looking like that.”

 

I turned and looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

 

“You look sort of like a bag lady.”

 

What is not to adore in a comment like that?

 

My baby is growing up. I am not ready. I doubt I will ever be ready.

Random Writing Tools burst Block Bubble through Absurdity

Sometimes random writing is exactly the thing one needs to burst through a writing block.

 

Today, at ReadWritePoem.Org I found a suggestion to begin some prose using a tool called Random Sentence Generator. Since it is something of a Web Tool Day, I thought I would share my random writing here on my blog, too….

 

Italics are the randomness, the rest is from me.

 

Here goes:

 

The gasp absorbs the apathetic spirit underneath a holy.... metaphorical breath blanket. The Apathetic Spirit is like a giant invitation to those of us who “get it” to offer ourselves as again, metaphoric, human bridges.

 

Electing (or being appointed) as human bridge can be exhausting.

 

I know this, intimately.

 

Some might protest and inquire “Can the lecturer crown a myth?”

 

To which this human bridge elects to smile and create the tiniest gasp which will then be poured out, through the breath, into a blanket which will warm his Apathetic Spirit and morph it into something completely different.

= = =

The prompts remind me of an inverted Mad Libs page.

Ready to try?

 

Today's Episode of the "Watch Julie Tell on Herself Show!" AKA #Best09 Blog Challenge from @gwenbell

Welcome to the “Julie Telling on Herself!” show! Yes, it is also a blog post for the Gwen Bell Best09Blog Challenge, but more than that – it is a lighthearted way to say “I don’t know all that much technologically but when I actually take a moment to focus HEY! All the answers I need are only a few seconds away!”

This one borders on ridiculous and I just figured it out yesterday, perhaps because psychically I knew this question was coming.

Today, Gwen Bell and her Blog Challenge want to know….What is your best of 2009 "Web tool. It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn't live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience."

I have been envious for a long time of all of you bloggers with cool graphics in your sidebars. I just didn’t know how to put those graphics into my sidebar. Yesterday I visited the Creative Every Day 2010 challenge and noted there was a brief tutorial there, so I followed the steps.

The first time I tried I went too fast and missed a crucial step and almost said “forget it!” but then, I buckled under and saw my simple mistake and fixed and NOW! TA-DA! I finally have some sidebar graphics, including Gwen’s.

(Shaking my head).

And this from someone who knows how to code using HTML… it is often times the simplest things which mess me up. *laughter, not at all nervous in its inflection.*… so blog tools, thank you. And thank you for reminding me I don’t need to complexify everything… mantra music, ready? And play… I don’t need to complexify everything, I don’t need to complexify everything, I don’t need to complexify everything

Tomorrow’s question, ready in the cue:

December 24 Learning experience. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

 A lesson? Simply one? I think this has to do with the final poem of the year I am writing. THE lesson of the year, THE culmination of this ground breaking, dream-coming true, dream-dying, purple, deep loving and loss filled glorious year.

I hope the reading will be as great as the process of telling will be. Come back to morrow and let me know what you think.