On this day in 1994, I started the worst job of my life. Well, the job itself wasn’t so bad, but the culture my employer created for me, as an employer – there was the part that was misery-making.
The contrast is compelling, considering less than forty-eight hours ago a life-long dream came true for me.
Thursday night my children, friends and I gathered underneath the marquis at the Fox Theater in Downtown Bakersfield. It bore the movie title “Zombie High” and the definitive word “Premiere”. It just so happens, I am part of the cast, not as “Zombie number 23” but as the Zombie Queen herself.
It sounds silly and ridiculous – it is both. It is also a huge confirmation for me.
My young friend, Anthony, has been walking around telling everyone about his own personal “Movie star”, Julie. My friend Caroline said, “The vibe in that place was amazing!” and I would have to agree. That’s what happens when collective dreams come true. The energy rises to levels not known before, it is energy newly created.
Dreams come true smell like fresh spring blossoms, early morning air and reunions with beloved friends.
My daughters and I were dressed up for the occasion and felt the glitz and glamour from the soles of our feet to the tops of our heads. This morning I saw Katherine had written on facebook, “I am having a blast at My Mom’s premiere. I feel so pretty!” and “My Mom knows so many people,” which I am guessing she wrote when I ‘worked the crowd’ hugging and hobnobbing and accepting congratulations from many faces which were unfamiliar to her.
It has been a topsy-turvy week of disappointments followed by breakthroughs followed by disappointments followed by new awareness.
Earlier this week, I wrote a poem to share with the group at “ReadWritePoem.Org”, my favorite on-line poetry community. I took my Artist’s Statement from the Burn the Witch art show here in
It felt like I was collaborating with the Divine, which when I reflect back, I was – both in the initial writing of the statement and in this rewriting. It is only in the second writing experience I was open enough to “get it.” When I stood in front of my published artist’s statement last week, I cried at the rawness of the words I wrote. How could I publicly make such truthful statements, such confessions that would make most people slink away for fear my words would infect them?
The dream-about-to-come-true right on my horizon fell off my radar. I forgot what was right in front of me.
I like to think I am an aware person, but like everyone else – I wouldn’t be truthful if I said I remember the “what is in front of me” all the time, especially when it feels like my children are having their dreams ripped away from them or that whatever happens is beyond my control.
What I can say about myself is I continually pick up my foot and put it down. I consistently take action in the direction I want to go, even when it appears unfavorable consequences outweigh any good that is taking form.
It is in that action that magic happens. It is in the action right in the face of what some people may label “not so good” that I realize is simply experience that the potent, celebratory dreams come true.
Dreams like the one I experienced Thursday night with my daughters by my side.
Sadness was washed away in seconds.
On this day in 2009, I am attending my first family reunion ever – and it is another, albeit less splashy, dream come true. Lots of family members have opted out at the last moment which makes me sad, mostly for my sister, who planned this event. I could get frustrated and opt-out myself. Instead, I am simply grateful for the effort and for the people who will be connecting with my children on a deeper level.
I woke up to a startling revelation today: life is a dream come true. I am devoted to bringing each and all of them to life. I am devoted to experience all of those “dreams long on a shelf.”
I am devoted, too, to dreaming with you.
I can’t wait to see what happens next.
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