Julie Unplugged

Drum Circle Creates a Tidal Wave of Connection....

My heart burst at the seams as I listened to Emma speak her poetry into the center of the

Drum Circle

. She had written it as the others played, her heart ready to burst from the experience.

This was exactly up her alley.  It was a place she could be completely, 100% safe surrounded by people who appreciated her exactly as she was, not as anything except her pure little self.

I forgot it was a winter night, I was so absorbed in the sound and the feeling and the tidal wave of connection.

I played instruments I moved I lied down to feel the cool concrete supporting my entire body, wishing it was soil so that I could feel the connection of percussion to the Earth. Instead I settled into the perfection of what was there… cold concrete, warm hearts, creativity taking form right in front of me.

I spoke a spontaneous poem which I didn’t write down – and then I scribed a poem which I didn’t share.

Emma spoke a poem – a continuation of her Myspace Blog – “The Eye of Hope” and then she chose to write while the others drummed and here is what she came up with…

The Beat

beat is the heart- it isn't just to keep you alive, it is a voice inside me speaking to me, it isn't just an organ it can express itself so should you - the beat never ends its eternal... Whenever it is happy it jumps for joy

There's a beat in music which I am sure you all jknow it does the exact same thing your heart does. The music I am hearing says to me "We need to start being wild and crazy: Whats that bells? Oh, I agree... What did you say? Oh, It is a perfect night in every way."

(Yes - an unself-conscious eight year old who was so filled with ecstacy last night... she tumbled to sleep like a little angel, very tuned in after drumming and listening and writing and loving every moment...) which proves to me once again the importance of experiences like the Moonlight Expressions Drum Circle.)

Here is what I wrote… and I am hoping hoping hoping the formatting translates to the MySpace modality, because the flow of the format is intentional and is in partnership with the words:

Heart echo

     Horses hooves

         Pulsing pushing

                        Filling

Power

  Power

    Power

      Power

        Power

          Power

            Power

      Swords slashing

         Blood flowing

             Mind ceasing

power

leaves

me

Torn heart

   Shorn heart

      Bits and pieces

        Of my heart

I look in those eyes

And I know I know I know

         The truth

My heart isn't torn

           or shorn

It is shedding

         expanding

            allowing

My soul to find its way

The Place That Brings People to Life

There is no place I would have rather spent

the anniversary of my “coming to life” – the

day I was born.

I carried a table into the costume room

with Chelsea, one of my beloved cast members

for “Five Women Wearing the Same Dress”. 

She said, “It’s your birthday! You should take

off… really. What are you doing to celebrate?”

I didn’t skip a beat.  I said, “I am here.”

Chelsea

didn’t see the celebration in this

moment – but to me, the theatre – in any

state – is a place of celebration and creation,

a place where I feel the most

connected and whole. 

I thought I was being so smart.  I wore a

dressy outfit to the theatre and wore it

through intermission.

I also had a “Strike” basket. It was actually

a picnic basket I bought for “Sunday in the

Park with George.” It was large – and I

wanted to have a tool to quickly gather my

personal stuff off the stage as soon

as the show was over.

I figured I could leave the booth and get

onstage and take everything down and then

get to my other “end of show” jobs. 

I also had a change of clothes – from my nice,

dressed up outfit into a T-shirt and Sweat

Pants. I actually changed in the darkened

booth during Act 2 between sound cues.

Brilliant! I thought.

The Women took their final bow and I

stepped into the audience to whoop

and holler.

I saw

Chelsea

asking the audience to

quiet down and in that moment

I knew.

“Julie, where are you, Julie?!”

Oh, no. I was going to have to go on stage

in all my Strike-Finery.  The only thing worse

would have been going on stage in my Painting

clothes or perhaps, one worse, my

Fame-Dance-Rehearsal Look.

It was exactly a year ago-to the day- that

the “Play it Again, Sam” cast called me on

stage to present me with gifts to express their

thanksgiving for my work. They didn’t

know it was my birthday.

This cast, the Five Women times Two

plus a couple men for good measure,

they knew.

Jenn plopped

Frances

’ crown on my head

as the cast and the audience sang a spirited

version of “Happy Birthday” accentuated,

naturally, with “Cha Cha Cha Cheez Whiz”.

The audience held lots of people who have

been important to my artistic life both as

An Actor and as a Director.  I reveled

in the moment.

My favorite moment, though, was quietly walking

past groups of people talking about the show,

listening unseen to their observations and witness. 

I received several “Congratulations” before I sat

at the desk in the office to complete some paperwork.

It was among the fastest strikes I have ever

experienced. I wasn’t surprised – this team

proved repeatedly how well they worked together.

Folks from “The Tavern” pitched in to help

as did Jeremiah’s wife, Julie and Jenn’s “22 day,

some hours and another set of minutes” beau,

Seth – who came to see the show every time she

was on stage and many times he came as

a Reception Guest.

I was moving furniture in the shop when I heard

Michelle’s voice.  “Where is my leader?”

she called. 

“You mean me?” I responded.

“Yes… you.” I looked up and saw Michelle

walking towards me.

“I have everyone assembled for you.”

Our final circle – our final time holding hands as

a cast.  The circle looked differently now than

when we started. We had a couple different cast

members, we had the wisdom of success in our

hearts and the connection of love in our spirits.

The theatre emptied and last moment hugs

were offered.

I breathed Halli’s words into my heart, an

echo of my own to significant Directors in my past. 

“Thank you for casting me,” she said as she hugged

me.  We both trembled as we let the tears come. “I

will remember this for the rest of my life.”

Yes. It is true.

There is no place I would rather spend the

anniversary of my “coming to life” – the day I was

born.  This place where my soul was reawakened,

my art enlivened, my heart to depths unknown and

to many mysterious places which continue call to

me – hopefully for a long, long time.

The theatre.

It brings people to life.

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3 Seconds

My morning pages sounded angry today.

More than angry, though, they were a tangled
bramble of letters and words, sputtering and
coughing along the lined pages in the
bright pink, discount store notebook.

I wrote words like this: “I can usually tell
if I am feeling down when I wear my regular
clothes to bed. This morning, for example, I
have on a black shirt and the funky black and
red pants people couldn’t get
enough of last night.”

I wonder who I am speaking to here.

For some reason I next wrote. “I want eggs”

And then “So, get eggs!”

“Stop yer whining and get eggs!  I don’t like
when people are angry at me.”

And then I went on and on about the Phantom
who seems to have taken over the BCT light
board… and then I couldn’t help myself but I
had to rant about what I could decide was
my personal gift of messing up the light
boards that come into contact with my
personal electrical field.

First Miracle frying completely, now this – the
BCT Scoop just disappeared… and reappeared
someplace completely different….and what was
up with that light right in front so that when Jenn
bowed she disappeared into the darkness?

Then I wrote what is probably my favorite
stretch of words: “I could just keep writing the
alphabet across the page – that would work – these
three pages would be done and I would stop
sounding deranged.”

I have been a bit on the chronically
annoyed side lately – prickly is one
way I describe it.

I finished my morning pages by writing
in large letters and letting all that pent up
emotion out. Later, when I was trying to
decide what material I had that was
publishable, I wrote about this mishmash
I had created – which to me resembled
a “tangle” and searched for a fitting quote.

My heart turned when I saw this
entry from Emmet Fox:

“It makes no difference how deeply seated may
be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how
muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A
sufficient realization of love will
dissolve it all.”

A simple quote – and for me, right in this moment,
a significant quote.  I laughed.  I read it again
and laughed some more.  I took a moment to
love my whole, cranky self – funky red
and black pants and all.

Sure, my thoughts were muddled and tangled,
but taking the small amount of time to take the
Pollyanna out of my true feelings brought me
back to what is true instead of what I
was pretending was true.

Reading the quote took me maybe
1.5 seconds.

Its impact washed over me in, perhaps
1.5 minutes more if you stretch it.

So – 3 seconds to feeling much better.

I’ll take it.  Plus I will take the tangle,
the mud, even the ranting.  I’ll take all of
it and yes, I will keep smiling today. 

3 seconds to the realization of love.

I’m going to spread the realization
of love, too.

3 seconds.

Huuuuuuush, Now, Huuuuuuuush.....

It is a weird way to feel in the middle of the week.

I keep thinking it is Thursday, probably because
of the brush-up rehearsal and taping tonight of
the Seafoam Folks in 5 Women Wearing the Same Dress.

I am a little bit edgy, don't know if it is solely
because of the new cast member, Joe McCoy... or
actually having writers come to see my show and
then write about it... (that has never happened
before).... or because we are out of programs
so I should probably make up some sort of "cheat
sheat" so they will know who is who....

Or maybe it is because my birthday is coming up
and I actually talked to my dear college roommate
today when I called HER a day late for HER birthday
and we chatted about Botox and the like.

It is odd - this feeling.

And I think I will just let it settle itself down
by taking a quick shower, running to the store to
get food props and trusting everything will be ok
and at this point, what control do I have anymore?

There, there Julie.

Huuuuuuushhhhhhhhhhh, Huuuuuushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Now I am losing it, I am cuddling and rocking
myself - what's next?

Simmering in the Space - Daisies, Grapefruit, Constance and Me

I picked up the chimes, my constant companion
when I am teaching and looked out my bedroom
window. I haven’t spent much time at that particular
spot lately so I had missed something glorious
happening right on the other side of the
window pane.

There, in the corner of my backyard, the
grapefruit tree was bursting with fruit and
the daisy bushes, which I planted there as
a lush yellow mirror several years ago
sang a vivid counterpoint in response.

I sat on my bed, stunned into chime
accompanied silence.

I laughed silently, imagining myself
crawling into the space between the
daisies and the trunk of the tree to simmer
myself in the magic brewing
in my backyard.

I looked up the placement of this blossoming
corner on a Bagua – a Feng Shui map of my
living space. Relationships, marriage, partnerships,
the feminine, motherhood, it said.

Mmmmmmm.

I followed my intuition and walked through the
door to my backyard. I climbed into
the space there to see what my
heart would feel.

Julia Cameron said, “Opening to our intuition
is like opening to a new love affair.”

I wrote:

It was lush and wild and fragrant and it asks
for some clearing, which makes perfect sense.

The sun was warm and comforting on my face.
The bee buzzed past, wondering what this
human interloper is doing here.

I noticed some old grass clippings left behind
on the ground, inexplicably as mulch and I
picked it up. I brought it to my face and I smelled
Earth, holy and complete connecting with my
soul, holy and complete.

I smelled denim and was surprised by how dry
the mulch was, not moist at all. It was like straw
and my eye brought to light hay stacks from long
past as the scent of mulch filled my nose and
my being.  I opened my eyes to see Constance,
Bianca’s abandoned cat, coming to greet me.

I took time to welcome her, not wanting to
startle the cat. I wanted her to feel comfortable. 

At that exact moment Katherine came outside,
“The man is here to pick up the Van” she said.

The van  had been immobile in front of my
house – a victim of a distracted driver coming into
fierce contact with it. The insurance company
proclaimed it totaled and this moment
was the final result.

I was not done with my perch, so I gave up the
keys and returned to Constance and the yellow-dotted
corner of my yard, this time lying down against the
Earth as I had initially felt called to do. 

Constance surveyed me, taking comfort in the
crook of my bent knee.  She took refuge under
my arm and hand and kneaded my clothing.
I heard a soft purring from deep within her. 

She snuggled against my side as I breathed in the
essence of grapefruit and soil.  Constance buried
herself against my face, against my pencil which
held the moment in words.  She kneaded
my notebook.

I heard myself say, “I left and came back.”

Tears came to my eyes as I witnessed
Constance’s bliss at my return.

Things looked different from this position.
I noted the gracefulness of the daisies – I had
thought they were dead at one point, but their
shouts of color ecstatically proclaimed  “LIFE!”

I looked up at the deep blue sky, a rarity here.

I inhaled deep satisfaction and appreciation
for this exact moment in time.

I rested in my corner as I began a renewed
love affair.  “I left and came back.”

Julie Jordan Scott is a Writer, Speaker, Success Coach, Actor,
Workshop Facilitator and Mother Extraordinaire who created
the DreamActivation program to ignite your dreams.
Use the Power of DreamWitness, Focus and Intentional
Action to live your most authentic dreams now....
http://www.5passions.com/dreamactivationnew.html

=================================

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increased Passion and Prosperity.

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Do you HAVE to call into the Live Calls?

Answer: Nope - there is Audio available on
line, if listening to Audio is your thing, plus
the morning activation is available via online recordings
which you can access 24/7.

Do you HAVE to do ALL the Lessons?

Answer: No - though each lesson WILL spur
growth and a-ha's.... if you find it difficult to
keep up, it is more important for you to
stand in the pulse of the moment and focus
on prosperity and passion itself without
the negative energy of "worry" or "comparison"
getting in the way.

Should I join the Yahoo Discussion List?

If you enjoy "written discussion" then, Yes,
it will be a blast for you to actively "hang out"
with the others and it may even energize and
create more miracles for you.

If I am on the Yahoo Discussion List, do
I need to respond to everything?

No - in fact, you can pick and choose whatever
stirs your heart. Sometimes the volume gets
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not at all.

(There are some days I don't get into check
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With Love and Gratitude,

Julie Jordan Scott

======
Julie Jordan Scott is a Writer, Speaker, Success Coach, Actor,
Workshop Facilitator and Mother Extraordinaire who created
the DreamActivation program to ignite your dreams.
Use the Power of DreamWitness, Focus and Intentional
Action to live your wildest dreams now....
http://www.5passions.com/dreamactivationnew.html

I Know Why

I know why I am thinking of her.

Just last week a piece of mail came, addressed to her. It was a pleasant little kick in the gut, care of the US Postal Service. 

With my birthday less than a week away, I know hers is right around the corner, too.

My little girl.  She would be Sweet 16 this year.  I need to be sure I bring her flowers. Its been a while. I was watching Steel Magnolias today, already grieving the loss of my 5 Women and on

Shelby

’s casket there was the most beautiful arrangement of pink roses, not unlike the beautiful basket of roses my parents bought for Marlena.

I remember the funeral home forgot to deliver it for the funeral, so several days later in the middle of an unusual

Los Angeles

rain storm, my dog Loo and I marched down the hill at the cemetery to deliver this voluminous basket of roses to her grave.  It was still heaped with quite a colorful assortment from her services earlier in the week.

Loo kept me good company in those days following her death.

We walked every day. I remember I would walk for at least a mile or two every day because I wanted to make sure my body healed up right.  I thought walking helped to cleanse me. I was probably right.

People who haven’t been through this might think I am nuts, crying over a child who has been gone for so long.  A shadow child, really, they might think.

No.  I know why I am thinking of her.

No More Fog Delays

"The pure winter light, pulsing outside the dense
fog as though all the starts that ever were and ever
will be have joined forces, pixilating the air with
a mist of pulverized diamonds."

Maggie Barnett, author. "Tuscany."

I sat, holding the book in my hands, wonder moving
from my hands to my heart and into my mind.

"Pulverized diamonds" was the most magical
and truthful, transformative description of fog
that I had ever encountered.

I tended to equate fog with not-so-great-stuff and
considered fog something "to be lifted".

Now – what other shifts might percolate from
seeing fog not as something to get out of but
rather, as pulverized diamonds…. shimmering
light to behold?

My daughter Emma's school has "fog delays"
in the winter.

The next time she has one, I will celebrate and say,
"Emma, guess what? You have a Pulverized
Diamonds Delay!"

Lovely!

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Newsflash: A Photo of me I actually LIKE!

Wow - Chris Dane, the blonde guy standing next to me - deserves an award. This is a picture of myself that I actually like!!!

Here are some possible captions for this photo. Which one is your favorite?

"Chris, why did you paint those lines on the side of my forehead?

"Maryallysan claimed I did WHAT at the Rose Parade?! *gasp*

"I swear I don't do theatre to get this close to young, hot guys!"

Life and Love Overflows Again

“Life is a magic vase filled to the brim, so

made that you cannot dip from it nor draw

from it; but it overflows into the hand that

drops treasures into it. Drop in malice and

it overflows hate; drop in charity and it

overflows love.”

John Ruskin

This particular quote is one which stood out for me as a “goodie” – one to keep.

I am reminded of how much all aspects of theatre are, to me, Love – Love – Love.

I just read something one of my actors wrote right before closing week-end of “Miracle on

34^th Street

.” She mentioned me, saying I would approve of the titling of her beloved friends “Miracles”.

I didn’t know the echoes of Love from “Miracle” spanned out to those folks, I didn’t know my message of Love to that particular actor moved her anywhere except for on stage.

The concept Ruskin expresses ‘”Life is a magic vase filled to the brim, so

made that you cannot dip from it nor draw from it; but it overflows into the hand that drops treasures into it….”  It is like dropping love into a filled cup, a cube of love… or a cup of love.. and what comes out from the vase because of the presence of love is actually love, purified. Love, squared.

Yesterday I had so much fun working at Spotlight – ushering… helping.  Just being me, a lover of theatre, a soul who hungers to make a soulful contribution and I did just that as I simply greeted the patrons. I wished them well.  I made sure they knew where they were going and were into their seats before the show started or started again.

I think it was because of my overall friendliness – also love induced – that the patrons asked me all sorts of questions, mundane and intriguing alike.

“What is your involvement with this show?” One friend-patron asked me. “I mean, I know you are ushering today, but what else did you do?” as if my presence at Spotlight was an ever-lasting thing.  I suppose it really is – because my love for Spotlight, my belief in it, my treasuring of the space has made it become everlasting.

I was asked, “Do you work at the Empty Space, too?”

“I have done a show there, yes.” I said.

“What was it?” he asked.

“Cabaret,” I replied, “I was Fraulein Schneider.

“Ah, yes!” he said. “You were wonderful, a great show.” And once again, love overflowed into my hands.  I have been questioning my Fraulein Schneider portrayal for the last six months or so, thinking I must have deluded myself into thinking I was anywhere near to par on that one.  This patron’s words reminded me that I was up to par – in fact, in his eyes I was “wonderful” indeed.

I was asked, “What are you Directing next?” over and over and over again.

“I don’t know.” I replied.  Besides Directing my life, my business, my children, my breath – my heartbeat – I am open.

That open space, that “no commitment yet” is another form of the overflow of love into my hands.

Martha Graham said, “Keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.”

Life and Love overflows again.

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