Julie Unplugged

Theatre Poetry

Written after painting LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of DOTS
(Otherwise known as the set for "Sunday in the Park with George")

Color on clear canvas
Arm lifted dotting repeatedly
Moist drops leave the brow
Portray a genius vision
Fifteen hours at a time

Written after the first Midnight Performance of "Rocky Horror"

I watched as the overflowing theatre emptied
Satisfied, connected and whole -
My eyes caught hers, I smiled and she waved
And the wave kept moving through me
As I drove up Union Avenue, sobbing

Heaves of tears of gratitude
Leaking onto my face - gulps of air
Rocking my lungs as my soul was
Rocked by the Divine - yes, Julie
This is how it is, this is how it is -

When you embrace your destiny
Contribute to your community
Continue to expand your circle
Love will move alongside you
Cherishing following the now paved path

For Actors, Writers, Creative Souls...

The Critic Inside Me - a Poem from the Morning Pages

The critic inside me is....
Trying to overtake the creative process
Yet if I let her have her way
In the editing more -
Thus serving me, you, us -
We would all... what?

The critic inside me is.....
a beneficial partner
Like my purple turtleneck
perfect when taken out and
used in the just right context

The critic inside me is....
as loveable as my
clown, my sage, my wounded child left alone.....

The critic inside me.....
Come closer dear, so I can see you
You aren't scary or mean
You have the best interest of all at heart

The critic inside me....
Doesn't put judgment upon me
She is really much more calm
It is the lack-based labeling inside me
That is doing the yelling....

The critic inside me....
Isn't a critic at all
She holds a light sabre
And I have allowed less-than language
To enter into her insights

The critic inside me
Is filled with the love
Inside me......

Written during the run of "Into the Woods"

Tom, would you please get out of my face today?

Wait, I don’t mean it.
Come back, don’t leave me.
Don’t leave me.

First you sat down with Mike and me at Stuart Anderson’s
I heard myself order a Greyhound, how odd
How satisfying as it tickled my throat
But throwing in that Crosby, Stills and Nash song
Now that was pure poetry

Come back, don’t leave me
Don’t leave me

Then you decided to join me on stage
“Make my illness the Giant tonight and
See what happens… c’mon, Julie, you can do it!”
You whispered, I shrieked:
You fucking bitch, Cancer – you killed my FRIEND
You can NOT have my son –  Ohhhhhhh
I HATE YOU!

Tom, Come back, don’t leave me
Don’t leave me

“Brave, now, Brave – you have it in you.
You have my hair color now, silly you.
You kinda look like my Mom
Auburny, burned russet crown
Brave, steady, hold it you got it you got it"

Tom, would you please get out of my face today?

Wait, I don’t mean it.
Come back, don’t leave me.
Don’t leave me.

Don’t
Leave
Me
===

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Random Poetry... Its Been Way Too Long

Coffee
© 2002
Julie Jordan Scott

Strong scented with bitter
Undercoatings covering
My now warm tongue
My mind slowly wakens

The scent draws me
Inhaling deeply into my belly
Inviting memories of years
Upon years ago

Dream like
Wary
Reflective
I take another sip
Of Coffee

I Will Wait No More

© 2004

Julie Jordan Scott

Late night gentle breeze tells me

It can’t be 90 degrees as that thermometer

Declared from its jaded post downtown

The website says 82 and even that seems high

As again, the air tickles my face asking me

To play – to journey – to escape outside

Into the dusty dusky air filled with

Poppling, crackling, getting less noisy

Fire power proclaiming independence

The invitation of the wind is inviting

Yet I continue to type, continue to think

Continue to reflect aimlessly until

The moon peeks over the palm branch

Winking a personalized hello

I will wait no more

===

I am so good at reminding me of my failings

Rather than seeking forgiveness

I fret and stew and point my own

Stubby wagging finger in my face

YOU THERE! You, blow it soul, YOU!

So much easier to exert grace.

So much simpler to say Yes, you made a mistake

And Yes, you can easily fix it and

Yes, you are love incarnate so
WHY are you torturing yourself

When you KNOW what you KNOW?

Ssssshhhhh, shhhhhhh, shhhhhhhh.

There, there, there.

====

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The Joy of Attempted Flame Wars....

I have been really happy because I found a message board where
a bunch of eclectic lovers-of-theatre hang out and talk
about theatre, art, life-in-general like movies they love,
their pets - you name it, they talk about it.

So there I was, pretty much just minding my own business
and somehow I attracted the wrath of someone who decided
I was somewhere near the anti-Christ... or a Nazi.

Yes, both these terms came up in relationship to me:
yes, ME! Fortunately, this was from a chorus of one.

This was a surreal moment in time and had the makings
of a HUGE flame war except for one thing.

I ignored his rant completely, except for sending
him a private message saying I would be happy
to answer any of his questions.

The other folks who traverse this particular group of
lovers-of-theatre rallied but my favorite quote came
from this gentleman in Los Angeles:

>> Since Julie's never done anything here to draw
attention to her website, or solicit busniness here,
I think we should let it rest. She's in Bakersfield
painting scenery, for christssake. Have you
no heart? <<

Was that a slam against Bakersfield?

Ah, gotta love what happens when one person goes
wild, rantin' and a ravin'.

I know, in this photo it is obvious I am up to no-good-thinking! :-) Just kidding!

Present. Perfect. Life.

My weekends have been incredibly filled lately.

It is as if every breathing moment is spoken for ahead of time. And then some. 

I noticed something today, though, that made this past weekend even more special.

Never once was I in one space or situation where I was wishing I was in another space or situation. Instead, I was fully present and fully loving each and every moment I was immersed in.

Mmmmmmmm. Lush. Abundant. Present. Perfect. Life.

 

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It Feels So Good to Be Back

I turned as I left the space, my words almost an afterthought.

“It feels so good to be back.” It felt so good to rehearsing together, to prepare for our opening.  I left with the smile still dancing on my lips.

It did feel excellent. It was the perfect banner atop my incredibly busy day.

I got to sing. I got to block. I got to write down notes.  I got to hang out with friends. I got to laugh and applaud and hoot and holler with reckless abandon.

Good things, good times. All good.

“True Tales 2” was postponed, so we got a “bonus” of extra rehearsal time, which I took as “bonus” time off from rehearsal. It also worked out perfectly because I was able to do the extension of “Fame” without leaving the Spotlight Theatre early in order to make it to The Empty Space in time for curtain over there.

That would have been do-able and just a teensy bit squeezy even for me.

I dropped my “Fame” script by the home of Jeny Rendt-Scott Sanchez today, also.  I called her when I was about to take Katherine to rehearsals of “The Hobbit”. I said, “I’ll be right by!” and about two minutes later, I was “right by!”

“You weren’t kidding!” Jeny said.

That’s another good thing – I have discovered she and I are neighbors.

Another hooray thing from today is I got an email from a dear friend – I ended our relationship last Winter after it went through a long, sometimes way too drawn out end. It was one of the hardest things I have done, because there was still love there.  I just couldn’t take having the same conversation about my lack of time and what he saw as my “odd and not comprehensible” passion for theatre over and over and over again. 

I was surprised about the electric jolt I felt when I saw the email waiting to be read.

I knew it wouldn’t serve me to do anything more than respond with a happy little vignette about sports motorcycles….. so I did just that… and he responded today… and I know that in NOT getting back into it even though there is a part of me that says “I am lonely, it would be easy to.. why don’t I just…” I know that in staying true to myself, to my art, to my vision, to my dreams… I need to hold steady.

I fell away from myself for such a long time – years, actually - I need to remember how great it felt to turn and say to my cast mates, “It feels so good to be back.”

This applies to the stage AND to life.

I don’t want to ever lose that again.

It feels so good to be back.

I Love Dead Men....

I love Dead Men.

I know, it can be seen as a really bizarre fascination – but there are so many luscious thinkers to lust after!

I mean check out this list: Henry David Thoreau, Rainer Rilke, Albert Einstein, the apostle Paul, Leonardo da Vinci… ok, ok, ok – I would be more likely to share Leonardo’s clothes than to share any lustful moments with him – but man, are thoughtful, intelligent, contemplative men hot or are they hot?

My latest crush is Albert Schweitzer.

Read his words and weep with desire ladies:

“Example is leadership.”

“I can do no other than be reverent before everything that is called life. I can do no other than to have compassion for all that is called life. That is the beginning and the foundation of all ethics.”

“I have always held firmly to the thought that each one of us can do a little to bring some portion of misery to an end.”

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

“One truth stands firm. All that happens in world history rests on something spiritual. If the spiritual is strong, it creates world history. If it is weak, it suffers world history.”

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

*Julie swoons into a heap on the floor*

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There is no such thing as a "Wrong" Decision.....

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you
will be happy to live with all your life. Make the
most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks
of possibility into flames of achievement."

Golda Meir

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I often talk about my favorite time of day being
sunrise - how I treasure the early morning air -
the time before most people are awake to breathe
in the luscious introduction of light to the darkness.

This weekend was exceptionally busy.  It wasn't
a frenetic busy, it was more like "my life is so
abundantly full of activities and people to love:
I am blessed" sort of busy.

I took ten minutes to pause in the green room
at Bakersfield Community Theatre  while
waiting for Katherine's rehearsal
for "The Hobbit" to begin.  I thoroughly
enjoyed the gathering of people young enough
to be my children... laughing, sharing, and being
grateful for each heartbeat that entered the room.

I love that these young people see me as
an adult who sees and hears them, who
values their opinions and insights.

I felt incredibly peace filled.

I drove home and longed for movement, so
Hank and Buttercup and I decided to go for
a nice long walk to try out their new harnesses.

It was that beautiful sister-time to near dawn.

Dusk was drawing near.  Soon it would be dark
again.

We walked across Panorama Drive and stepped onto
the beloved soil of the Bluffs park.  The sun was
dipping low in the sky.

It was remarkably clear. I could see the far-away
mountains which make our home a Valley.  The
view below the bluffs was pristine and peaceful.

We chatted with another dog-loving couple before
making our way to a bench on the edge of the
bluffs so that we could fully experience sunset.

Contentment filled my spirit and the sun waved
to me as it pulled the blanket of the mountains
over its face.

"Good-bye sun!" my heart said.  "See you tomorrow!"

I sat back and relaxed into the feeling.

I never question whether the sun will come back
tomorrow, I know it will.

I trust in its divine, natural presence.

There is no wondering about it, there is no worrying
about it, there is no hesitation in my declaration.

I look to the eastern sky this morning and guess
what? Here she comes again, about to give me a
good morning kiss.

The sky is brightening, its orangey-pink hued blush
says "Yes, I am back again - right on schedule."

Once again, peace fills my being.

It is the natural order: trust leads to peace.

Trust and peace are the platform to mindfulness,
awakening, passion and productivity.

Just like sunrise is the kissing cousin to sunset,
there is a paradoxical, burst-wide-open quality
to this platform of trust and peace.

This is because trust and peace also lead
to stillness, rest, calm and timelessness.

Embracing all sides of this paradox will lead to
the continued growth and inner knowing which
enhance and empower your dreams.

Trusting this paradox, knowing this paradox
intimately - leads to making empowered, enlightened
choices.

There is an ancient story of a mule, surrounded
by bales of glistening, sweet smelling hay.

It all looked heavenly, but unfortunately our
mule friend was uncomfortable with making
a choice.  "If I choose to eat this bale of hay, I
lose out on that bale of hay."

He allowed himself to become hopelessly stuck
in a quagmire of indecision.

His indecision lead to no choice which lead to
his untimely demise.

It didn't ever occur to him that instead of looking
only at "either this bale of hay or that bale of hay"
he had the luxury of choosing a bit of this and a
bit of that.... the luxury of sharing this bounty with
others, perhaps... the luxury of learning that if
he began to eat, he would receive more.

If he HAD trusted his ability to choose and
taken the tiniest action, his life would have
changed dramatically.

Choosing to eat any of the hay would have been
better than making no choice at all.

What part of this story do you relate to the most?

There is a dense family of clouds between the
orange, sun-filled dawn and the grey-blue
sky that is turning to daylight.

I don't worry that the clouds are in the way - I know
they are sisters of the dawn.

You have no need to worry - instead, choose to trust
that your choices are empowered. 

You are here, with a community who cares for you
and supports you.

If you make a choice that goes awry, the only worst
thing that can happen is that you learn to choose
differently next time.

This isn't a "wrong thing" this is a blessing.

This blessing comes from your choice to trust.

It is the dawn of another beautiful day - a gift to
be treasured, a canvas to be painted, a doorway
to be opened.

It is time for you to trust fully so that your dream
will be palpable - visible - treasured by many, with
doorways to be opened, dark places unsealed and
insights to be unfolded.

Today is September 19, 2005 and I am soooo grateful for....

The final matinee of "Fame"

Emma's incredible writing

E.L. Fudge Cookies

Laughter

Holly, the incredible eyebrow artist

Beautiful sunrises

Extraordinary sunsets

My niece, Brittany - today she is 21~

What are YOU grateful for today? Click COMMENT and add to the increase...

Too Exhilarating Not to Share:DreamActivation Continues

My work in life transformation fills me to overflowing - I
feel so blessed to be able to do the work that I do!

Today's DreamActivation session (we hold them
on the telephone) was nothing short of amazing - and
I wanted to share it with all of you here, as well.

How can I not share something so magnificent?

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DreamActivation:
September 16, 2005
Spiral #3- Exponential Love

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Listen the the Lesson via Online Recording

Download an MP3 by visiting the blog:

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Today's Dream Witness -

    ~  Julie ~

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Upcoming Dream Witness Schedule:

Saturday - Marion

Monday - Clare

We can have two folks sharing their DreamWitness
each day, so we have one opening for the
next few days and after that, it is wide open...

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DreamActivation Passion Point:
Principle - Exponential Love

The Architecture:

1.  The experience of love expands and multiplies
as I allow myself to honor my dreams through
gratitude, trust, commitment and action.

2.  My dream responds to love.

3.  People respond positively to my love-coated dream.

Julie's DreamActivation Passion Point:

Each day I actively and intentionally honor my
dream my love for both my dream itself and
my life expands.  It magnetizes exactly what
I need in every situation.

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Quote of the Day:

"...the more the soul knows, the more she loves,
and loving much, she tastes much."

W.H. Murray

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The tightness in my neck gripped my shoulders
and my jaw in its grasping fist as it zapped my
being with a jolt of anxious energy.

"It is OK…." my heart whispered.

"Are you crazy?!" shrieked my intellect. "This
is MY responsibility – I must fix this NOW
before the problem gets even bigger."

It is reminiscent of the rumbling, jolt-filled
earthquake energy when I discovered
the box office was empty of staff thirty
five minutes before the curtain was to rise.plpl

Adrenalin pulsed through me
as I worked quickly to solve the problem
and filled the space with hastily trained crew
people until we could locate and call in the
staff person who was scheduled
to be there.

The after shocks continued to ripple through
my veins even as we delegated people into
the empty spaces and averted what felt like
the impending doom of a major catastrophe.

"It was settled," my heart stroked my forehead,
soothing my lurking tremors.

The echo of my thoughts filled my quickly
moving feet: "No box office, no patrons, no
audience, no show." My heart continued
to race even as it spoke encouraging
thoughts to my being.

"Everything is ok – you have staffed the
box office, the patrons are buying tickets,
the audience members are smiling and
excited, your show is fine. You are fine."

I yanked the door to the green room open,
ready to give a verbal "All's Clear!" sign to
the actors.

There they stood in our traditional pre-show
circle. Hands joined, eyes closed, hearts
connecting. Tears flooded my eyes.

An unlikely leader had appeared to fill the
void of "circle tender." The voice of Lauren,
our costumer, filled the cavernous space. I
stepped into the circle. Lauren sent a pulse
of energy through her hand which the others
received and sent on, a flashing current of
focus, a rhythmic connecting that said, "We
are a community."

I remember past shows, filled with "friendly"
fighting and name-calling.

I remember a cast filled with envy-imbued
gossipy whispers.

I remember the complete lack of
communication among a different cast
and crew.

This cast and crew, this community, in this
moment knews and expressed only love.

What would change in your life and in your
dream if you chose to only know and express love?

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Integration: 

When love is all I know, I.....

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DreamWitness - The Power of Sharing
and Experiencing Our Collective Dreams -

Each session we have the opportunity to
speak and write our dreams and listen to the dreams
of other community members.

Each member may share one time during
the DreamActivation Point Cycle - you
may share up to seven times during the course
of our six weeks together.

I strongly urge you share AT LEAST once
(if not more!) during our time.

It is a privilege and an honor to Witness
Your Dreams.

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Sweet Contentment

I saw the sunrise this morning - it had been a long time.
I am grateful I awakened to see it, to allow the magic
of the new day to wash over me in its unhurried,
translucent way.

A jay is making its mark on the world with its voice,
squawking from a tree somewhere nearby and
my kitchen ceiling fan is squeaking its ascent
and approval.

Otherwise, the house holds me in its peaceful silence
and seems to be thanking me for sitting here, simply
being with my writing practice.

I have been content lately.

It started last Thursday.

Even when I was blazingly upset after church
last Sunday - the upset gave way to serenity.  I noticed
how much energy it took so feel such passionate,
truthful sadness and disbelief from what I heard
from the pulpit.

I allowed myself the luxury of a catnap during the
second act of "Fame", where my one scene is in
the very beginning.  I curled up on the loveseat nestled
in the space beside the space upstairs Marla and
I have claimed as our dressing room during the run.

I even managed to stay content during a marathon
meeting - me, who despises meetings and avoids
them at all costs.

I am going to hold onto this feeling.

I went to bed early last night. I think having no rehearsals
is opening up my body to allow it to express it's tiredness.
I am responding by relaxing fully into it - a
relieved, gentle tiredness was my suitor as I rested
my head on the pillow alongside Emma and
fell fast asleep.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, sweet contentment.

    

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