Julie Unplugged

May 31: What You Think Upon Grows Day....

I was just reminded about how special today is....my friend Stephanie West Allen designated today as "What You Think Upon Grows" day.

To read more about this concept, read Stephanies Article on Divatribe.com.

A Passionate Conclusion to May - A Foundation to an Even Better June....

Here are some open ended statements to prompt an

intentional, heart evocative end of May and beginning of

June....

Please feel free to respond to one or more of the prompts

here -

1. My most bliss filled moments include….

2. My proudest moments in May were….

3. My new friends include….

4. Connections I made are…..

5. One great lesson I learned was….

6. I expressed my gifts when I….

7. In June, I most want to add to the increase in this way…..

The Secret to Joy.....

“Gratitude, not understanding, is the secret to
joy and equanimity.”

So, it is in the “YES” not in the “I’ll figure it out”

It is in the “Opening” not the “being right.”

It is being grateful, not in “having all the answers”…..

Yes, Yes, Yes…..

And as we litter the world with Gratitude,
the world litters us with love.

Please add YOUR gratitude thoughts  by
writing whatever pops into your heart,
soul, and mind.

I'm So Grateful Blog......

My heart smiles....

Once again, God stepped in to make my heart smile.

What could be more perfect at the Peter Pan auditions than to pair Kevin Lively and Emma – partners in Audition Improv?

I agree with God – nothing could be more perfect!

Kevin is known for saying such things as, “It’s an Emma Nation” and “This portion of Major League Improv brought to you by… Emma….” These words go unbeknownst and unnoticed by others perhaps - and they have a way of seeping into a child’s being.

For a child like Emma, seepage like this is the sort of thing that echoes out across those moments in her little life that pose challenges.  For a child like Emma, challenges arise each and every day, sometimes several times.

Today, May 29, 2005 – God once again made my heart smile… and smile… and smile…..

Emma in another costume -

always, 100% Emma.........

Wanted: More Carbonated Holiness

Sam stood on my bed holding two conjoined fishing poles in his hands. His body claimed “Triumph!”  He called the Fishing Poles “Wishing Poles”, which fits perfectly for their future use in my One Act “The Talents.”

The poles became detached and one of the ends clunked me soundly on the head.  “Ahhhh!” I cried as I collapsed on the bed as if attacked by an invisible adversarial force.

Sam laughed from someplace deep in his belly.

“Mommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy” bubbled from his mouth.

I rolled over to watch this amazing being, the one who burst from my body… the one my body allowed to blossom to life.  His little four-year-old self took the Wishing Poles and made them into a fort.  His little four-year-old self claimed his stake on the Mountain bed.  His little four-year-old self laughed joyfully when his fort came to pieces and clobbered his loving Mommy on the way.

How different would it have turned out if I had said,

“Sam! Don’t play with the props from my play!”  or

“Those aren’t Wishing Poles, they are FISHING POLES – don’t you know anything?!” or

“Darn it! That hurt my head! I can’t believe you let that FISHING POLE hit me on the head. You are in SOOOO much trouble.”

What would happen to Sam if he heard those words rather than the words I said which were, “Sam, this is so much fun!” and “Look at you! Samuel Robert Jordan Scott the explorer, mountain climber!” and “This is so cool – you took the wishing poles and made something brand new… you rock!”

Most of all, little Sam and I would have missed the blessings from laughter we shared, heart-to-heart, belly-to-belly, mind-to-mind, soul-to-soul.

Anne Lamott wrote, “Laughter is carbonated holiness.”

Yes, she is right. Laughter is holiness.

This photo shows my own images

of "Carbonated Holiness" - Sam and

Emma, two of my beloveds....

Enter - The Space - Our Space - Yours - Enter

Last night I went to sleep, feeling sad and achy and this morning I woke up to realize a deeper state of nothingness had taken residence within me.

It was a deep, empty ache: carafe-shaped-void-space which started with its flat bottom sitting about an inch below my belly button and its top at the base of my throat. It was eight inches at its widest point and narrows at my sternum, following the curves of my bones.

It feels weird, off putting.

I am sad, lonely, aching and confused – I think – as I took a seat on a bench straddling the bluffs.  A car had driven off the edge of the canyon and plummeted 300 feet or so below. I could see the the tow trucks and the workmen, sweating from the exertion.

Like the carafe-shaped-void-space, these interlopers were upsetting my daily groove.

I have a desperate desire to feel, and to have those feelings caught and held by someone else.  That word “desperate” upsets me – and yet this carafe-shaped-void-space calls me to speak it because it is, in this moment, the truth of the feeling.

I got up from the bench, the carafe-shaped-void-space was making stillness too uncomfortable. Movement felt easier.

Its presence remained, waiting patiently.

Energetically I spoke to it: “What do you want from me?”

Silence.

“Oh, please – you don’t come in, take residence in someone’s torso and then go silent?! I don’t buy it. What do you want from me?!”

The response came, quietly.

Attention.

The carafe-shaped-void-space requested Attention.

“What is your greatest need?” it asked.  “What brought me here in the first place?”

Uh-oh, came my response.

“Don’t attach ‘bad/good’ labels – simply acknowledge me. Acknowledge your greatest need.”

I came home and wrote, and wrote, and wrote and poured my heart and soul into form and then….. those word forms evaporated into the ethers.

The resounding gong weaved its way through my bloodstream, the loss reverberating within.

The carafe-shaped-void-space asked for attention, not denial.  Not opinion or judgment. Not solutions or recipes or tools or laser beams.

The carafe-shaped-void-space simply requested conversation, connection and attention to my – to yours – to our…. greatest need.

Now, from your innermost heart space, open to the responses waiting to be felt and heard and acknowledged.

The carafe-shaped-void-space is your partner, too......

What is your greatest need?

Pain In The Words

“To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.”

Oscar Wilde

Tonight I have been splashing around in a puddle of regret.

It oozes like the tar around the Los Angeles Museum of Natural History and the

Museum

of

Art

, surprising you with its ferocity, so strong it eclipsed huge animals.

My regret tonight feels that same way – it is so strong it feels as if it might eclipse me – and perhaps, for now, that is what it is supposed to do so that I can remember it.

I have been procrastinating about writing my bio for the One Acts program.  I have never been a big fan of writing my bio – memoir writing, sure – but bio writing? Third person discussion of me?

It feels so important, what I want to say, beyond the “bio stuff.”

It feels so significant.

I feel like running and hiding because this whole experience is so reminiscent of getting naked in the Town square when you don’t want to be naked in the Town square….

I want to scream, “I am not this brave!” but then I remember that I really am.

My soul says I am.

My soul says it is the regret that is fleeting – that what I am feeling lost about is not “unfindable” – it has only been misplaced.

I have learned – and now, once again, I have to be brave and make the necessary repairs.  And as often happens with me, it starts with poetry.

Pain in the words

Bounced off the page

Smacked me in the face

Much too much later

It’s not too late

It’s not too late

It’s not too late

It’s not too late

But what if it is?

….Then it is…..

You kept saying

“If this is all there is,

Is it enough?”

And you foolishly said

Yes… though now

It doesn’t feel like it is

It feels like I want more

Pain in the words

Bounced off the page

Smacked me in the face

Much too much later

I wanted to do something......

I was searching for a quote based on the
word "Dry" and here is one that both surprised
and delighted me.

I didn't recognize the speaker's name - but I
would recognize his face in a heartbeat.

I can literally FEEL this quote when I watch
his acting...

"I didn't want to play a lawyer. I didn't want to play
a doctor. I didn't want to play a single dad. I wanted
to do something I felt I could learn from,
something that would be a challenge and
something that would not dry up."

William Petersen

My daughter Katherine loves watching his show
to learn about science and solving puzzles using
science.

I enjoy watching his show because of many things,
but especially the chemistry between him and
the female lead who is another sexy woman in
her 40's.

I agree - in all that I do in life, I want to experience
gleeful, expansive, empowering challenges -
so that I will stay refreshed and invigorated.

Read this CSI Star's biography here:

http://www.brainyencyclopedia.com/encyclopedia/w/wi/william_petersen.html

====

Maybe your version of DOING SOMETHING includes writing - and the 42 Days of Writing Passionately F>r>e>e Workshop appeals to you. Check it out now.

Peace Descends

Wiped out doesn’t begin to describe how I felt as I left my house to run one final errand in a day which felt filled with “stuff” that ran on the unfulfilling side…to say the least.

Emma and Samuel and I trotted through Long’s Drugs on

Mt.

Vernon

and

Columbus

. I found some cool stuff to add to “The Talents” – the ideas continue to percolate – and I was already feeling buoyantly better when something inside me said “take

Panorama Drive

to get home.”

Up and around

Columbus

we drove, and as we faced West I felt entranced by the scenery. “Emma, would you mind if we pulled off and spent some time looking at the view?”

Emma replied, “That’s what I was wanting to do but I didn’t want to say anything because I thought you would say ‘No.’”

A car emptied itself from a parking spot especially for us.  Peace descended as we simply reveled in each other and the view, fluffy green trees and the river snaked below us.

Emma and Sam climbed on a fence as they admired the scenery around and below them. Sam insisted he saw a squirrel and Emma commented, “I always feel like I am smarter when we come out here.”

The expression on her face looked part “wise sage” and part “bewildered child”: a potent combination to be sure.  I knew what she meant, though.

Walking along the bluffs, looking at the view below, I felt connected to something unexplainably large and vast. There is a presence that many of us hold as divine.  Many of the people who walked, cavorted and flew kites along the bluffs weren’t quite tuned into the sacred pulse of the bluffs.

That didn’t matter – what mattered was that WE felt it. WE knew it. WE connected to it.

It didn’t take a long time, it didn’t cost us anything. Peace descended because we were open to its presence – and rather than following the hectic, unfulfilling “stuff” of life, I listened and followed “otherworldly guidance.”

Open to it – and peace descends.

====

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Before You Get The Wrong Idea, Read THIS........

People might get COMPLETELY the wrong idea. 

I reviewed my visitor stats today for my “I am SOOOOO grateful” blog and saw I got an awfully HIGH number of hits for someone Googling “Kevin Lively Bakersfield”. 

I wonder why they kept clicking through, unless, like me, they were scanning to see where on Earth I wrote “Kevin Lively is a hoot and I adore him.” Which is right next to “Hank, who is coming right up next to me and snuggling….”

Ohmigawsh. Could these two items on my “I’m sooooo grateful blog” look out of context, should some one choose to Google this exact combination. J

Kevin Lively IS a hoot, and I DO adore him. His pre-Rocky Horror Show assist of Terry Willey cracks me up each and every time I see it.  Besides, Kevin has had a special place in my heart because he is so very kind to Emma, coining the term “It is an Emma Nation” when he was acting as Mr. Voice for Major League Improv.  We still quote those words from time to time.

I also should add that I am commissioning Kevin’s girlfriend, Ashleymarie DeBondt, to make a really cool piece of art for me – mixed medium, poetry and painting – of my three children and me AND my poetry.  Ashleymarie is an amazing artist, poet and actor herself.

Now as for this mysterious, cuddly Hank – that would be my Llasa Ahpso – Henry David Jordan Scott who I affectionately call “Hank” for short because I think it is the perfect

Bakersfield

name.

He is here right now, too. He is the quintessential

Tibetan

Temple

dog and as far as Hank is concerned, I am the chief priest and his main “job” is to watch over me.

Soooo, there you have it – and it reminds me of how much fun it is to know who is Googling what and where.

For any of you who are reading this and are involved in Bakersfield Theatre, I have admitted publicly that when I was first cast as Fraulein Schneider in Cabaret at the Empty Space.  I Googled Bob Kempf.

I was developing my character and I felt like I was annoying Bob when I attempted to engage him in conversation so I did the second best thing: spent some time Googling.  I still don’t know how I got the brilliant idea to do an image search, but I definitely hit paydirt when I did – I found an alumni shot of Bob from his days at UC Davis.

It is exactly what I needed, as Fraulein Schneider, to get some magic happening character-wise for me in relationship to Herr Schultz, who Bob played.

I just tried Re-Googling Bob.  I found the same photo, but the original page is gone – so once again I am grateful that I found what I did at the time, because apparently it is about to vanish to we Googlers forever!

There I am with some Cabaret friends.

Not my favorite photo - and chances are

you are more focused on Kaylen than

me anyway! *smile*