« I'm Frightened - Version 2 of Magpie #34 | Main | Etheree: Saturday Morning, 6:32 AM »

October 01, 2010



There's a greater sense of urgency in this original version. In the second one, the words 'sort of' were out of place, I thought - didn't sit happily with the rest of the poem... Hope you can take an honest comment! :)


I tend to agree with the comment from Jinksy. I think your version here conveys the greater sense of both urgency and the child's terror.


awesome tale,
beautiful usage of the light and the darkness beyond the light, the missing of a sister in one's feeling...
love your work on this one very fondly.

Kristen Haskell

Okay the first one here left me feeling frightened. I said when I read it OMG then I read the other one and I just did not have that strong of a reaction. I like version one better.


whew you put us riht in there...it got my heart pumping as well and leaves me to wonder what happened next...nice magpie


The first version is full of fear and emotion..a narrative, subjective. The second version is crisper, pared down..objective. Different..talk about revision!! Nice...

Sender UpWords

Nice Mag. Saying more would be a disservice. Love and Light, Sender

ms pie

ohhh, i commented on the other one...

Rene Foran

this one captivates me while the other version couldn't hold my interest.

it seemed like the rough draft that led you to this version, which is wonderful.


Nicely written, the power, the fear, pulls greater here.

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