Your Senior Year Part One : Unspent Breath Shakes You

This month's Mini Challenge from my beloveds at ReadWritePoem.Org is to Build - Write a 5 Section Poem over a 5 Day Period. Each section is to be crafted about one topic from a different perspective, viewpoints and angles.  Carolee Sherwood and Jill Crammond Wickham are the poets responsible for taking the poets who "hang out" at ReadWritePoem on this adventure in the Art and Craft of poetry.

 

 

 

My Subject was simple to choose: My daughter, Katherine, who will be leaving my home far too soon. Each day it seems I cry tears of joy and profound sorrow, simultaneously.

 

 

(Unspent breath shakes you)

Your disappointment

Haunts my thought patterns

Grey amorphous shouts

Underneath shoulders

 

Wish it wasn't so

Wish I could mold time

Wish I could be more

of what you need me

for you, my sweet love

 

Didn't let a tear

Fall onto your cheeks

Until you were three

I couldn't catch you - -

My arms too far away

 

Tears keep falling now

My attempts to stop

Are feeble at best

Arms frozen at sides

How can I help you?

 

"We don't have enough time"

You told me today

"It makes me so sad"

Your voice shook today

I nodded silence

 

I know you're afraid

Can't take that away

It won't be always

Car tail lights escape

(Unspent breath shakes you)

Comments

[Jill]

You're so brave for tackling this emotional time head on! I am curious to see where the 5 days take you!

[Linda Jacobs]

This is beautiful! I remember when my daughter left. It was so difficult for both of us! You captured that feeling so well. I look forward to reading the rest of your series.

[Therese Broderick]

Thank you for sharing this heartfelt song of motherhood. It touches me deeply (my 11th grade daughter got her driver's license today). You wrung me out with these lines:

Wish I could be more
of what you need me
for you, my sweet love

Didn't let a tear
Fall onto your cheeks
Until you were three
I couldn't catch you

[Leah Virsik]

Oh wow, so touching, your words bring tears to my eyes.

[Matthew]

My daughters are 3 and 1 1/2 (and there's one more coming in March), so the subject matter you're tackling is a ways in the future for me, but dang. Writing like this definitely hits me harder now. I only hope, when the time comes, I can tackle these feelings as honestly as you.

Looking forward to the next 4 installments. (I'm a day behind reading these; let's hope I don't get too much further behind!)

[Minerva]

sorry I'm commenting on these out of order. Now I see that the whole poem will be for your daughter. I can only imagine at this point the emotions you are struggling with, but I know that is looming in my future as well. It sounds like she will do terrifically well at college! I don't suppose you know the Dar Williams song "The One who Knows," but here's my favorite line from it: "You'll fly away, but take my hand until that day, and when they ask how far love goes, when my job's done, you'll be the one who knows." Thanks for sharing these fragile emotions.