Its been a while since I have visited Jana's Thinking Space to answer the Stream of Consciousness Five Minute Prompt. I popped over there after resting most of the morning and discovered this was what I was to write about today:
Today’s (totally optional) prompt: What would you do with only 24 hours left to live?
This is always a question that stumps me, especially the
thought of finishing it in five minutes. At this point that doesn’t feel much
more than five seconds!
Ironically, the first thing I thought was I would apologize
for not living up to my potential. I would apologize to people with whom I
still have hanging, niggling upsets about our relationship. I want to die with
as few tangles left in my bloodstream. I want my spirit to be tangle-free.
I would gather my closest loves and drive to Sequoia
National Monument. I would completely enjoy the drive through my beloved Kern
County. We would read poetry along the way, tell stories, take lots of photos
to document the day. Destination: campfire and storytelling and then actually
sleeping inside a sequoia tree. I might pop my head out to see the stars, but
it just feels right, my last sleep being in the womb of such a breath takingly beautiful
– and to me, very connected – tree.
I would say “I love you!” to every person I see.
I would remind them there is a purpose for them being here,
that they have the privilege of stepping into that purpose and if they are ever
doubtful remember the words of a dying woman when she tells you, “You are going
to be ok. Truly. You are going to be ok, no matter how dark things seem, keep
taking your next step. Keep
24 Hours MUST include a campfire, storytelling and sleeping inside a Sequoia.
beginning again.”
Did I mention I would fit as many beloveds into the womb of
the tree as possible? Others may sleep close, outside the tree.
I would want us to finish with the campfire and storytelling
and then prepare to sleep with lots of singing. Pure, clear, unaccompanied
voices. Laughter. Love.
It’s funny, isn’t it? That I thought I couldn’t do it and
yet, in five minutes I created the perfect plan if I had twenty-four hours to
live.
I think I will create this scenario this
Summer, actually. Wouldn’t that be perfect?
**********************
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s
five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the
rules…
Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
I talked about it last week with Chrissi, actually.
Chrissi was one of my recent couchsurfing guests and we were hiking together at Trail of 100 Giants at the Sequoia National Forest. I said something about how Americans always seem to insist on big goofy grins in their photos. “One of my French exchange students back, oh, fifteen years ago, commented on this. She was right. But I think now, it has changed. With digital photography, people seem to have calmed down the need for the whole “chhheeeeeeze!” pose constantly.”
My Mother had a favorite photo of me when I was a little girl. I haven’t seen it in years, but I can still see myself in it. I am sitting on a bench at Turtleback Zoo. I sat with my hair in braids, as always, a blue gingham sleeveless shirt, my hands on either side of my frame. I was probably waiting as I sat on the bench. I was eight years old, looking straight ahead of my view but you can only see my profile in the photo. I had no idea my photo was being taken or I would have hidden the question living in my face, my heart, my spirit.
This morning I was inspired by my friend Paula D’Andrea to focus on a song today. Well, Paula is always focused on Rockin' Life! but when my breakfast was accompanied by Jackson Browne on the Muzak, I laughed quietly at first and then thought, “This is not a song you hear often.”
By the time I got home, I felt the song was an assignment of sorts.
The first two stanzas:
Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer I was taken by a photograph of you There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more But they didn't show your spirit quite as true
You were turning 'round to see who was behind you And I took your childish laughter by surprise And at the moment that my camera happened to find you There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes
I feel a call today to study images of my own authenticity, to put those on display, to not concern myself with conventional norms like ugly or pretty or middle aged or out of shape or embarrassed, but instead focus on showing you my true spirit: unmasked, unafraid and non judgemental.
Cameron has told me my face is one of the most changeable he has encountered. I can look so different on any given day. Sometimes I think that is from being an actor but then, upon thinking, I think it is from being true. My face shows my emotions in that precise moment.
My emotions are worn differently on my face. I think they are authentic. Some of these photos I look prettier or more “conventionally acceptable” than others. What I love about them all is they are all perfectly 1,000% me.
This Spring I sat on a hill overlooking Bakersfield, one of my favorite spots in the world. My friend mentioned me and the words “deliriously happy” in the same sentence.
“I wouldn’t describe myself as happy.”
This photo was taken of me on that day
I wasn’t sure what prompted me to say this, but it is true.
I love and hate this photo. He used to capture fantastic photos of me, true photos of me. I am praying in this photo, perhaps trying to block out the lack of the love I used to feel and an attempt at being content with the love that remains.
It is truly me, even with the spot on my cheek waiting to be checked out by my doctor, the eyebrows that need reshaping, and my hair that was way too blonde for a while.
I am beyond happy. I don’t see happy as better than sad or maudlin as worse than blissful.
Authentic emotions, in the moment. That’s what I want to wear on my face.
This is me in the beginning of October, 2011. It is a very clear portrayal of precisely how I was feeling in that moment. I was in Westwood with my friend, Cameron. I asked him to take the shot and he just clicked away as I stood and "felt" - it is significant as a model (even if the only audience is you) to just be with what you are feeling instead of playing fashion model with the photographer choreographing the whole thing. If your intent is for a specific purpose other than catching your own authenticity, that is a whole different experience.
This photo was taken in September 2008, by my friend, Todd Powers with
Foxglove Photography. We did a session that night with these wonders of nature I had collected on a walk while I was working on a collection of poetry and essays called “Last Years Leaves.” I wish this photo shoot had an element of smell. It was soooooo heavenly with overripe and weathered, hungry leaves.
What I love is Todd gives me space to just experience and he just clicks. See how intent I am on the berries? I am not even thinking Todd is taking photos me me, I am clearly in the moment, a little sad, a little curious, a little hopeful, a little grounded, a little wishing I could float up and out of where I was.
This is Emma in Alice in Wonderland this November at her first High School play. She is an extension of me, always will be, and in this photo she reminds me so much of myself I decided to include it. She had a pretty miserable time during this process. This shot has the quality it does because I had to crop her out of a group but I love what her face says. “I am trying, I am here, I am successful because in my trying, I am doing, no matter how awkward or sad or lonely I am, I am here, on stage and in life, I am giving my all.”
My final photo for today is a self portrait I took. It was a part of my Soul Grief series. There was a time when I cried for 142 days in a row. I consciously created this because when I cried, I remembered, "I have no crying photos. Shoot this, now."
I wasn't faking these tears, I was feeling them.
I laugh now when I see women whose faces have been frozen in place by a variety of procedures so they can keep their skin smooth no matter what they are feeling. I would rather look conventionally ugly than falsely, conventionally beautiful.
Ironically, the second photo here - the one with my eyes open - is one of my favorite photos of myself looking, in my opinion, beautiful.
Don't you love photos like Emma's that say, "“I am trying, I am here, I am successful because in my trying, I am doing, no matter how awkward or sad or lonely I am, I am here, on stage and in life, I am giving my all.”
What more could life ask?
In the old days, I would plaster on my happy mask and move through my day, smiling no matter what. My mother even noted in my baby book, “Julie even smiles through her tears.” As a baby I had this life skill. As a baby I had this life skill.
It is a skill I no longer use. I am grateful for that.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.
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Are you ready to write from a prompt unlike any you have ever written from in the past? It is different because it is a sight of nature unseen by so many until now.
Your prompt is twofold: a still photo and a video.
Set your timer for either five, ten or 15 minutes.
Look at the photo.
Watch the Video.
Write from your senses using one or all of these prompts:
I see
I hear
I smell
I taste
I touch
I feel (as in emotion)
Just move your fingers on the keyboard, stream of consciousness style, across the keyboard. Don't think, just type. Repeat the prompt again. I see... I smell... and choose to mix them up if you would like.
There are no rules to writing from this image and this video, just write.
Honor this memory and this experience we now share.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.
Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -
I hear dust from the days before the Vikings falling through the forest. I hear branches, creaking – born before the printing press – being torn from the body that had supported them for so long.
I see confusion.
I see stained glass.
I see awe on the faces of those who look upon her now.
I step into your veins and feel like I am stepping into every cavern I have ever visited. I become one with every nightmare and every pipedream I have ever breathed not into existence.
I feel my breasts fill with milk even though I have not had a baby in eleven years. I feel the urge to feed the babies, the ones who cannot speak or walk for whom there is only hope.
I see Moses’ mother and sister, waiting for safety for their little boy.
I see my mother and sister, giggling as I struggle to slide my feet into my short sheeted bed when I couldn’t translate their giggles and my complete confusion and heart pounding fear to be responding to the same thing.
I touch your protective coating – splintered and your inner coating, smooth. I notice the hands, the others, reaching out, and another other, speaking as if expert but knowing nothing, after all.
I touch inside you with my camera.
I feel miniscule.
I feel incapable to communicate who, what, how you are.
I want to bring people here, to sit with you, to engage with you, to come to know you intimately instead of sitting back and looking at photos or watching videos or thinking they know when they don’t know what it is like to touch the inside of a Sequoia’s bloodstream and suddenly understand how similar you are, only the tree is infinitely wiser and infinitely more capable to communicate even without the benefit of translatable language.
“All afternoon it rained, then
such a power came down from the clouds
on a yellow thread,
as authoritative as God is supposed to be.
When it hit the tree, her body
opened forever.”
In the spring it rained and the stream, as always, moved alongside these twin trees, standing tall like the twin towers had before they fell.
Somehow, they surmise, the life blood of the trees brought death to these two. Like all grief, it isn’t completely understandable yet how it happened. Scientists are in wonder, still now – and don’t logically try to explain it all away.
What I know is the tree and her innards touched me, my mind, my heart, my chest, my fingers, my awe has now opened forever.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.
Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -
Because I constantly talked about Word Love in my original A to Z Challenge posts, I figured I would start the A to Z Roadtrip with a Word-love post. I am so glad I discovered the roadtrip! I have missed all of you!
I have refilled my coffee. I have grabbed an extra oreo. I have taken my butt and seated myself squarely in my chair to be sure I write, write, write without stopping as I share with you straight off the top of my head why my mission, to spread word love throughout the world is so important.
I am also going to offer to you the option of catching word-love fever.
I sat in a café in the unlikely location of Pierpoint Springs last week with a new friend from Austria. She was a couchsurfer and my family and home were the couchsurfees.
I have a compulsion to make each visit from each couchsurfer as memorable as possible. This is why we found ourselves at such a locale: we were on our way to Sequoia National Monument taking a different road than usual. I wanted to visit Miss Julie’s Bar which is back behind this gem of a diner in Pierpoint Springs, right on the edge of Camp Nelson, right on the edge of Sequoia National Monument’s Trail of 100 Giants.
The trail was our (supposed) destination after all.
We nibbled and chatted and I knew Chrissi, like myself, wasn’t one for idle chatter, so I pulled out my phone and started taking notes. Mostly I was transposing the words of a guy seated in the booth behind me. He was a sheriff’s officer, who was calling in a report on not his phone, but the diner’s phone. Once I heard “357 Magnum” I knew I needed to write this down.
No one would believe this was actually happening. It all seems too cliché and too “America has the craziest and most lovable wacky cast of characters imagineable.”
Chrissi asked me when I looked up, “Have you always known you were going to be a writer?” she asked.
I smiled and said, “I wrote before I knew how to write. I would dictate to my mother what I wanted to write, she would write my words on paper and I would then copy my words she had written.”
Before I was literate, I was in love with words.
I understood their power to create. I didn’t yet understand their power to destroy.
That would come later.
These days, though, I not only write, I teach writing to some and inspire the writing of others. Sometimes the “teaching” and “inspiring” are synonymous. I do this because I know lives are changed when we express what is inside us, begging for us to communicate it.
Even if the only reader is ourselves as we write in a journal which we may later burn, the words are given space outside our overfilled head. This is a huge blessing and this is where the word-romance begins.
Two words come together. They meet. They grow into more words, perhaps with a question mark attached.
I promised myself not to stretch these words out beyond my timer’s song. It just went off.
I love words.
I hope you love words OR if your romance is idle or dull or hasn’t begun yet, take a moment to write a sentence. “Writing and words serve me when they……” and just write a sentence. Be aware of how words show their love to you and you show your love to them.
And then spread the word-love, starting now.
I always have been a matchmaker, after all, a romantic seeking a world of surprising relationships.
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.
Did you enjoyed this essay? Receive emails directly to your inbox for Free from Julie Jordan Scott via the Daily Passion Activator. One inspirational essay and poem (almost) every week day. Subscribe here now -
Today’s (totally optional) prompt: What would you do with only 24 hours left to live?
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