I actually let go a bit of this the other day.
It was involving a decision that was made and a person who hadn’t been honest with me.
I knew any further conversation would only make me angry and would not solve anything. I elected to not have any more conversation. I felt so adult, which is appropriate given my age, right?
What floored me more was my calm, polished, sweet fifteen-year-old daughter who shed tears, but didn’t have any form of emotional outbursts at all. She has learned from past mistakes. She understands about reconciliation and forgiveness and maturity. I cried more than she did. I was angrier more than she was.
She had let go of attachment to outcome.
Who raised this fabulous child?
Oh yes, it was me.
I am reminded of a time when I was a newlywed and was attending a concert with a group of other young married people from my church. I was talking about publishing, which I worked in, with a new friend, and discussing markets.
A woman in front of me overheard and started speaking very loudly about how I was wrong in what I was saying and not only was I wrong, my appearance was horrendous and I ought to be ashamed for how I looked. She didn’t say it once, she said it over and over again and louder and more loudly so everyone in my group heard her opinion of me as a stupid, ugly, fat, thoughtless imbecile. Oh, and furthermore, looking as bad as I did was for old women, not young women like me. “What an embarrassment she is!” this woman, referring to me, pronounced to anyone at the Hollywood Bowl within earshot.
When my husband attempted to intervene, I asked him to please stop because it just made her angrier, louder and made me feel worse. I was there to see and listen to Sergio Mendez and make new friends, not to be humiliated.
Well, I was humiliated and never felt completely comfortable with that group of people again.
No one ever talked to me about reconciation, forgiveness and maturity. I was raised with an alcoholic parent. I should have been used to outbursts.
My daughter is raised by a flawed mother, but obviously some of my teaching has paid off.
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