It has been a while since I have allowed myself to become possessed by a vision outside my family or local creative pursuits. I am not sure the genesis of my resistance or my fear, but today it lit up like that perpetual light bulb waiting for me to flip the switch.
I believe my resistance is this: if I work hard to build it all up again, something bad may happen that will knock my breath away again. I see I am playing the game I abjor – the all or nothing game – instead of simply putting my head down, running. Assessing, Revising, running some more – without attachment to the initial results.
I used to be able to make all of this into a game but now I have forged it into a large, ever-present, slippery wall covered with moss and with bricks that don’t necessarily stay in place so you may fall down at any point of the climb.
Now that we have that conflict identified, it is time to continue seeking and allow the possession to continue sweeping up me from the soles of my toes to the ends of my shorter-than-before hair.
Even with all of this as I write I feel the energy of passion prickling my veins.
I take a moment to stretch my neck.
I stretch both sides.
I breathe into the tension.
I let the tension out as it rides the wave of my breath.
I remember a long ago meditation when I held my head off the massage table for about five minutes. My neck felt like heaven when I slid back down the table for more body work.
Relaxation was no longer a necessity it was a given.
I am on fire with the creative process.
My embers are crackling with passionate creativity today. I had forgotten how good that feels.
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© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.
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