How the Story Should Always Read #CED2010

I kneeled on the ground in a sea of black tulle, bare knees scraping the painted black floor.  I felt like I was in the center of a glass bottle on display someplace, surrounded by light. I felt locked in place, perhaps in a dusty museum. Everything else disappeared as I attempted to integrate the surreal moments that just took place and continued to swirl about me. What, exactly, had happened?

 

I remembered falling, I remembered crawling and facing my nemesis. I remember very distinctly saying, “No more….”

 

This is what it was like immediately after the filming of my scene in HamletMachine.

 

In theater, there is that perk of rehearsing scenes over and over again so you have the chance to prepare for intense moments like this one.

 

I learned something very significant in my two scenes in this “film within a play.”

 

I can turn my emotions on a dime and on cue.

 

I had no idea I was so adept at this. It is something I had hoped and perhaps even said, “Oh, yeah, sure, I can do that,” but I hadn’t ever been called on to do it until this moment.

 

Ten minutes after I kneeled on the floor, out of breath, I was in a compact car heading East on the 126, toward home. No time to integrate what took place, no live feedback, no audiences to say “wow, that was something else how you went from happy and excited to sobbing in just moments.”

 

One of my cast mates told me that several hours later. It felt affirming as the emotions continued to swirl.

 

Later that night, I saw one of my HamletMachine scene partners. I wasn’t ready to speak to him at first. I purposefully avoided his sight lines, his walking path, his conversations.

 

The good news is that once the Vagina Monologues was over and I had swirled about the stage in my sparkling silver-and-black-with-a-smidge-of-purple outfit leading the crowd in a chant about our female anatomy, all the fear surrounding my HamletMachine cast was washed away. What had been so real several hours ago was now a soft, barely discernable memory.

 

I came back to Bakersfield to be serenaded by a song of “I saw your article in the paper!”. Not one I wrote this time, but a profile about me complete with a large picture, a huge headline and an almost encyclopedic rendition of my life: from my leaving theater at age 11 to college and the United Nations to working in publishing to motherhood to Sam having autism to Zombie High to right up to the performance I was about to be in. I read the article and blushed.

 

I am still getting comments and wondering how long it will take to get over it.

 

I am grateful for the article, grateful for the performance experiences I have had this week and especially grateful I consistently allow myself to be uncomfortably scared enough and courageous enough to go full force into the creative process.

 

I realize in this past week I have no regrets about what I have done creatively. I consistently leaped into the moment I was in and woooshed my way into some memorable creative moments.

 

That’s how the story should always read.

=====

 

Julie publishes her ezine, the Daily Passion Activator, which includes an Essay and a Poem every week day - inspiration delivered directly into your email box. Why not Subscribe today? It's free.

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Comments

[Lis]

Goosebumps as I read this ...

I love LOVE your bravery and how you embrace all of your life ... such a strong force and sense of vitality and bone-marrow-sucking kind of love (does that make any sense?)

i think we need to make a superhero doll of you ... for all the girls who need a new wonder woman to inspire them to own their power and their voices.

um, yes ... really really goosebumpy here -

big love at you my friend ♥

[Ruthie]

Thank you for sharing all of that - it sounds like you had an incredible week!

[Trudy callan]

I am so thrilled that you are joining The Artistic Mother's Group.

We will be allowing two weeks for each project. But if you get behind, please don't worry. Just keep working a little each day. The whole point of this group is to develop the habit of doing art each day. It is also so we can encourage one another and be an accountability group. I personally need the accountability part of it. Knowing that others are coming to see what I'm up to is very motivational; otherwise, I may not finish it on my own. Some projects may be easier for you than others and may allow you to catch up. But if you don't, don't get discouraged. Just keep on going. This is a low pressure group. I want everyone to have fun and also enjoy visiting one another.

And please do a blog post about your participation in the group inviting others to join. Please give a link to my blog for those who may wish to join so they can come here and get the details and sign in. I am keeping a master list of all participants.

Each week do a post of your progress as you go through the book. When posting each week, please mention the group with a link to my blog. That way people can go to my blog and see the list of the other participants and click around to see their progress as well.

Since our group has grown so much, instead of having to put all of the links in each post or on your sidebar, I have made a button for the group. Just grab my button and put that in your sidebar. I will keep the list of all participants in my sidebar.

Please check my blog often for tips, notes of encouragement and exciting news.

Trudy Callan

www.artisticcreationswithtrudy.blogspot.com
Be sure and check my blog often for updates and notes of encouragement.

I am signing up as follower and putting you on my blog list so I can know when you post, and I am adding your name to the list right now.

Again, I am so glad you could join us.
Trudy
http://artisticcreationswithtrudy.blogspot.com/2010/02/new-artistic-mother-group-forming-i.html
Note: Due to copyright laws, we are not allowed to do tutorials or step-by-step photos of the projects on our blogs or take photos of the pages in the book and post them. You may post a photo of your version of the project and talk about your experiences and feelings relating to it.

Also, if you are doing this project with a friend, each person must have their book unless you are doing it together under the same roof. No photocopying of the book, please.

[Trudy callan]

I am so thrilled that you are joining The Artistic Mother's Group.

We will be allowing two weeks for each project. But if you get behind, please don't worry. Just keep working a little each day. The whole point of this group is to develop the habit of doing art each day. It is also so we can encourage one another and be an accountability group. I personally need the accountability part of it. Knowing that others are coming to see what I'm up to is very motivational; otherwise, I may not finish it on my own. Some projects may be easier for you than others and may allow you to catch up. But if you don't, don't get discouraged. Just keep on going. This is a low pressure group. I want everyone to have fun and also enjoy visiting one another.

And please do a blog post about your participation in the group inviting others to join. Please give a link to my blog for those who may wish to join so they can come here and get the details and sign in. I am keeping a master list of all participants.

Each week do a post of your progress as you go through the book. When posting each week, please mention the group with a link to my blog. That way people can go to my blog and see the list of the other participants and click around to see their progress as well.

Since our group has grown so much, instead of having to put all of the links in each post or on your sidebar, I have made a button for the group. Just grab my button and put that in your sidebar. I will keep the list of all participants in my sidebar.

Please check my blog often for tips, notes of encouragement and exciting news.

Trudy Callan

www.artisticcreationswithtrudy.blogspot.com
Be sure and check my blog often for updates and notes of encouragement.

I am signing up as follower and putting you on my blog list so I can know when you post, and I am adding your name to the list right now.

Again, I am so glad you could join us.
Trudy
http://artisticcreationswithtrudy.blogspot.com/2010/02/new-artistic-mother-group-forming-i.html
Note: Due to copyright laws, we are not allowed to do tutorials or step-by-step photos of the projects on our blogs or take photos of the pages in the book and post them. You may post a photo of your version of the project and talk about your experiences and feelings relating to it.

Also, if you are doing this project with a friend, each person must have their book unless you are doing it together under the same roof. No photocopying of the book, please.

[Terrill Welch]

Julie your writing is powerful. I was beside you on the floor and then all the way to the end when you were reflecting on your creative life. Brilliant... and congratulations on your success. I like how, through your writing, I was able to feel like I was part of it - though we have never met, and I did not see the performance or read the article.

And THAT is how the story should read. all the best Terrill Welch

[Susan]

You can't NOT do it, can you?:)
Susan

[leah]

What a powerful expression, Julie. Thank you for sharing your heart! xo

[Melissa]

Thanks for sharing. That was amazing!

[Janice]

Wow! What a week, Julie! Or perhaps all your weeks are like this one?! Congratulations on the article, the Vagina Monologues and the filming, and especially for courageously throwing yourself into these experiences and each time sitting back and processing what you've learned from each one.
And thanks for sharing!
Janice.