#FridayFlash - A Little Bit of "Nothing" Fiction

Preface: This is my first attempt at Flash Friday and it is my first shot at writing any sort of fiction in years. I figure it is a good writing exercise and the best non-fiction writing should incorporate elements of fiction writing. I tell my students that, anyway. So – I noticed the #flashfriday on Twitter and sought a prompt, which I found at WriteAnything though I realize many writers get their inspiration from different sources. I get it more clearly now and next week, I may revert to Non-Fiction or stick with this story. I found myself liking Claire and Laura, even with so few words.

 

Oh – my friend, Thom, from 3WW said the goal is around 1000 words but the Write Anything site gave a timed writing suggestion. Five minutes netted me just under 320 words and for now, I’ll stick with that. The first line of the writing sample was the writing prompt.

Thank you for visiting – and this preface should make up for the word count for my fiction writing! Happy Friday!

 

Nothing

 

The bag was empty except for a smudged, slip of paper which said, “Sorry.”

 

Laura, turned the paper over in her hand, looking for some sort of “just kidding” scribed on the other side. The dread didn’t begin to hit until later.

 

Here she was, alone, with her children, almost two thousand miles from home and a thousand miles from her destination. Now, thanks to whomever this jokester was, her wallet was nowhere to be seen, her valuables, gone.

 

Unless, ofcourse,  you count her children as valuables. They were at the swimming pool. She thought she could hear them splashing over the sound of her heart pounding.

 

“What is it, Mom?” Claire asked as she walked into the small hotel room. She was used to her Mom having strange creative outbursts at unexpected times so she thought holding an empty bag, a piece of paper and a perplexed look might lead to her Mom’s next “thing.”

 

She didn’t get worried until her question was met with silence.

 

“Mom?”

 

“Nothing.” Laura said, truthfully, followed by more silence.  She took a deep breath before she continued. “Nothing. I’ll…. Ahhh… figure it out. Are the other kids still at the pool?”

 

Claire nodded in a solemn, Claire-esque way.

 

Laura continued to talk, somehow finding comfort in her voice, which reminded her so much of her mother’s voice. “I’ll get my suit on and be right out.”

 

She could not let Claire see her cry. She could not break down in front of the kids. She could not let them not believe in her. They had been through enough together as a family and she was going to figure out a way to solve this…

 

“Nothing, Mom?” She heard over her left shoulder. Claire had noticed the empty bag.

 

“Nothing?”

 

“Well, honey,” Laura started, searching for words that would not frighten her eldest, ultra-responsible daughter. “Someone got into the room and left with the laptop, my wallet, my ATM card and credit cards. I think they may have gotten my cell, too.

 

“They did leave this.”

 

She handed the now-frowning Claire the smudged, yellow paper.

 

“Sorry?” Claire said, sounding not unlike a frog whose croak has deflated. “Sorry?”

 

They sought solace in each other’s eyes but what they found were tears. “Nothing,” They whispered, together.

 

 

Comments

[Virginia Moffatt]

Hi Julie,

Welcome to #FridayFlash. This is great - really tightly written and economic. I can guess a great deal about Laura and Claire without it being spelt out. Well done!

Make sure you get it listed here http://www.jmstrother.com/tiki-view_tracker.php?trackerId=2&sort_mode=f_13_asc&status=o & don't forget to tweet #FridayFlash. People will come and say hi

[Julie Jordan Scott]

Thank you, Virginia, for the pointers. As a newbie to FridayFlash, I appreciate it.

[Dian Reid]

love it, julie. moves right along and ties up nicely.

[Laura Eno]

Great story! I hope you keep writing fiction for us. Welcome to #fridayflash!

[G.P.Ching]

Welcome to Fridayflash! Well told story!

[Adam Byatt]

Very nice characterisation in this piece examining their relationship. Great stuff.

[Cascade Lily]

Welcome to Friday Flash :) A touching and real slice of life here.

You might want to adjust your paragraph settings for future postings. Having the double return between paragraphs means for a hell of a lot of scrolling for a very short piece. It would be much easier to read with just one blank line between paragraphs. Cheers!

[Cascade Lily]

Ahem, oops. Previous comment linked to my crafting blog :D

[Michelle]

Great piece of flash - Welcome to fridayflash :)

[Melissa]

Great debut! Tight writing, and I liked the fairly short paragraphs--kept it moving right along. I feel for them and you've got me curious about their past, their hardships from before... Loved: "She was used to her Mom having strange creative outbursts at unexpected times so she thought holding an empty bag, a piece of paper and a perplexed look might lead to her Mom’s next “thing.”" I think my kids would wonder the same thing about me in that situation... Welcome to #fridayflash! It's a great groups!

[Annie]

Welome to Write Anythings Fiction Friday AND to #FlashFriday. Always fantastic to see new folk entering and joining in the fun.

Naturalistic slice of life here, good pacing.

I look forward to seeing you over at WA during the week and of course for future challenges.

vistors can see mine at
http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2010/02/ana-asef.html

[Donald Conrad]

Five minutes, 320 words? I've got to try more caffiene...
Good story and welcome to #fridayflash.

[laurita]

NIcely done in five minutes. Welcome to #fridayflash. Hope you'll write some more of these gems.

[mazzz in Leeds]

Nice characterisation here

Welcome to #fridayflash :-)

[CJ Hodges-MacFarlane]

Could really relate to these people - you did a great job - welcome :)

[Mark Champion]

Great first Flash.