Thank you, Bubbles

I carried my camera with me to several occasions this
past week but it sat, unused, in the bottom of my purse
along with a broken pencil and a used up lipstick.

I touched the case but didn’t open it up save for one
brief moment at Dagny’s when I took two photos, random
still-life photos. I didn’t take a photo of anything
with a pulse, which is my normal subject of choice.

I felt unsettled in my sadness. I knew intellectually
my sadness was present, but I was unwilling to name it
or honor it or give it space to roam. Part of how it
festered was to take away my will to capture images.

I uploaded images from the recent past. I edited images

in fun, Andy Warhol style and sepia or black and white.

I wasn’t ready to add to my collection of photos. Instead,
I wanted to dwell a while in the “what had been” and know
the “what was immediately in front of me” would be
patient and wait.

I know some people might “tsk tsk” this choice and
refer to it as something like “wallowing in self pity”
and to those people, you may call it whatever you call
it. I call it what worked for me in my process.

I spent too many years either denying my feelings or
rushing my feelings. It causes more damage than it does
good. I prefer “exploring” to “wallowing”, anyway. You
might want to try it on the next time you are
judging yourself or others.

More good news came last night, when I found a subject
that delighted me and called me into it.

I belong to a number of groups on Flickr, including
“Flickr Group Roulette” which was created for photographers
like me who embark on crazy goals like the 365Day
Self Portrait Project.

I looked up the theme, hoping it might yank my creative
chain and sure enough, it worked. “Black and White Bubbles”
was something I could do alongside my children, so we
made a date with Sunset. “Meet us on the Bluffs” we
said, and off we went about our day including a trip
to the 99 Cent store for some cool wands for bubbles
and Samuel, my love, wanted a boomerang. The coolest
part of the 99 Cent store is requests are easily
honored, one at a time.

We laughed and the kids fought a little. My friend Jennie
and her dog Bella eventually joined us. I took photos,
Katherine took photos, Emma posed for shot after shot
after shot. Samuel pondered on video and we reveled in
the cool grass against our bare skin as the sun set
right in front of our eyes.

We laid back and looked at the big dipper. Emma asked
Jennie some Math related questions. Sam asked some
astronomy questions. Katherine rested,
quietly, contentedly.

I felt my shiny, patent leather camera bag
fill the palm of my hand.

I swear I could feel its smile fill my hand.

It is ok to take your time with your feelings. It
is ok when those feelings take the back seat to
creativity. One does not preclude another. Both
feel just right in their own way.

My phone buzzed and it was a text from Katherine,
who rested close by me on the grass. “Can we go
home now, please?” she asked silently.

I texted back, “Yes” before saying aloud, “You
guys ready to go home now?”

We gathered our bubble tools, our boomerang, and
our love for each other and walked, once again,
towards home.

This essay was originally published in Daily Passion Activator, Why not Subscribe today? It's free.

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Comments

[helloworld]

Reflecting on the Good and bad is the joy and pain of life. What I lack today is what I'm consccious of and can deal with , maybe not this week but someday it will all come together. A thought from friend and sound from another than the answer is found from the thopughts that where incomplete.

[Julie Jordan Scott]

Thank you for writing, HelloWorld. I am grateful for your words and your conscious reflection here.