Remembering

I remember the first time I met Kevan. We were auditioning for Cabaret. I was really glad because I got called back after feeling like a complete idiot during the singing auditions.  I did well enough, but I was worried nonetheless.

Acting, though I was confident about that.

I was a bit nervous about doing this break-up scene though. David partnered me with Kevan, who read for Herr Schultz.  I remember worrying that I stepped on one of his lines. I remember David had us do this little posing part together.  "Ok, look at each other like you are completely in love."  So I did, no faking there. I looked into Kevan's eyes and thought, "I love you so much I, I just so love you." my breathing changed and something must have computed because we were friends ever since.

One of my less-than-week old memories coincides with this one.

My friend, Mark Tarango, works at

San Joaquin

and went to check on Kevan. He had heard Kevan was there and he knew our connection.  He went into Kevan's room and said, "Do you know Julie Jordan Scott?"  Kevan's response: "I have loved Julie for a long time."

I remember being thrilled to do "Sunday in the Park with George" and in our very cramped production schedule we squeezed several very intense work days at Kevan's house.  I painted myself silly so very committed to getting some of the pieces "just right" I probably drove some of my less anal cast members crazy. Kev, naturally, felt like my work was just right. One day I spent 15 hours at the Candlelight: six of those hours I painted the back wall, alone, on a ladder.  My feet fell asleep while I was up there and I was so enthralled I didn't realize it.

We did curtain calls together we played the two grumpy people. Kev was the Boatman and I was the "Old Lady" before Act 2 I would zip Kevan, now playing an Art Entrepreneur, into these very tight chaps.  I got to be pretty good at it. Kev appreciated my take on Blair Daniels, Art Critic, in Act 2.  I remember Teri trying to get me to break but I never did thank you very much.  Kevin was still very blonde them, a remnant from the Cabaret days where we would "celebrate" briefly every night at my "engagement party".  He wasn't cast as my love interest, instead he was the horrid scheming Nazi, Ernst.

It was during "Sunday" that I said to him, "You know, I think I need to start learning tech."  We decided I would learn lights during "Japanese Ghost Stories." Only days later we were walking out of the theatre and I saw Kevan talking with Tim Fromm, someone I had never met up until then.  "Julie is going to operate lights for "Japanese Ghost Stories", I am sure she could run them for "Clue", too."

Kevan could get me to agree to almost anything, so I increased my knowledge and love for all aspects of theatre.

So I ran lights. And thus began more friendships. I met Julia, Tim, Charlie, Vanessa and others during "Clue". 

We did "Nuts" together this time our characters warred at one another. I played the man-hating judge in that show. (Another turn in a part originally written for a man.) Kevan played the lawyer I really despised, although I kind of despised all of them.  We had several "moments" during that show.  I remember Kevan saying after one rehearsal. "I got it, I got it, Julie I could read your face I understand your character now." I loved that he "got" that I would fully enter any character no matter how minor and breathe as much life as I could into that soul.  He got it because he did the same thing.

When we worked on the set for "Nuts" someone tried to get Kevan to gossip.  I spoke up.  "Kevan is a man of integrity. He doesn't need to lower himself."  I knew this intimately. I knew there were people I adored, deeply, with whom Kevan had experienced less than stellar moments.  I would be off in my own little world, waxing rhapsodic and he would stay quiet. He never told me what happened, he never spread any ill will. I appreciated that so much about him.

Kevan made me feel completely safe to be 100e.

Once we were working on a set and I talked with him intimately about the failure of my marriage.  I made one particularly ugly comment and I said, "Oh, man, that sounds so bad." And he responded, "No, it sounds truthful."

After the last elections, Kevan applied for a whole bunch of jobs out of the country. He was an ESL teacher, he could go anywhere and wanted to be someplace other than in the

US

because he was so disgusted with the outcome of the election.  I told him, "This is really selfish, but I want you to stay here. I want more time with you."

It is still true. I would have loved to have had more time with him.

One night a bunch of Kevan's students were in the audience. They cheered at curtain call and held up a sign, "We love you, Kevan."  He taught students who are now spread all over the world. They hold a bit of his spirit in their words whenever they speak English.

Kevan was there when I Co-Directed "Play it Again, Sam."  We were, again, painting painting painting. When the show closed he said to me, "Julie, I can't wait to see what you do with your own show."

Kevan believed in me so I believed in me.

"Rocky Horror" came next and while I was offered a small role, I didn't take it. I was sad because I had thought it would be such a blast, but I was working to grow as an artist and wasn't sure how doing that particular role would fit in my goals. I went on to be cast in an awesome role in "It Runs in the Family" at Stars and still helped with the painting of the set, along with my daughter, Katherine.  Kevan also persuaded me to operate the light board for the Midnight Shows. There were plenty of other people who could have run the lights, but Kevan in his dear, kind, loving way wanted me to be involved. So I was involved. I ran out of "Stars", drove to BCT, box officed and then slid into the booth to hit the "Go" button.

Kevan wanted me around so I felt valued.

We worked together on the BCT board I always loved how Kevan sliced through the extraneous stuff and got to the heart of the matter. When we both interviewed for Directing gigs last Spring, I was interviewed before him so he didn't hear my interview. When he interviewed, I smiled in deep recognition because some of our responses were so similar our take on the art, on collaboration, on beauty, on truth.

"5 Women" was the last show Kevan saw at BCT. He really liked it. He ordered DVD's of both casts, since he only saw the Peach cast perform. I doubt he ever got to watch them. It meant so much to me that he enjoyed it.

I remember we sat together at Teri Gann's wedding. We were talking about "Whorehouse" at that point. We were throwing around ideas and he had one thought.  "Hey, if worst comes to worst, I could direct and you could be musical director." The thought scared me.  I agreed, if absolutely necessary and now Kevan is gone and we have a tremendous Directing team in Roger Mathey with his Assistant Director, Kevin Lively. And guess who is Producing? Yes, that would be me.

During that same conversation he mentioned he had received a call from Enrique Acosta who was looking for actors who could sing and dance. Kevan said when he got the call he immediately thought of me.  "Dance?" I said.  I went on to appear in "True Tales 2" with Enrique and Kevan even pulled a cameo appearance as "The Naked Biker."  He would act in "The Bad Seed" and on Saturday Nights he stayed late and wowed the audiences with his fabulous almost-no-outfit strut across the stage. By the second weekend I got brave enough to look up when he went past me.  This gave me the reason to say to the group assembled at the hospital last week, "oh, I have seen all of Kevan's tattoos" in a sultry, knowing voice.  Yes, Kevan gotta keep people wondering.

There were so many times he said words to affirm me.  He used words like, "Flawless" and "That was the best I have ever heard you do that"  and "Your voice is so distinctive, I could so see you in this part" or that part. Even last week he got especially excited about me auditioning for a particular part in "The Importance of Being Ernest." 

When I heard Kevan's time was limited, I felt quite a surge of energy and creativity. I found myself doing things I had never done before almost like I had received some sort of dare from life itself.

My heart was beating, I was healthy, I needed to be as completely me as possible.

So I skinny dipped for the first time in my life even though it was only 49 degrees outside.

So I did a Nude Art Photo Session even though I am way past my early twenties and am nowhere near a size two or four or any single digit for that matter.

So I lived every moment fully.

Among my last words to Kevan were, "So many people love you and want to see you."  and "I love you."

Funny that when life is short we suddenly get bold and courageous enough to say what is so all the way along. 

My heart is calling me to consciously choose to be inspired by Kevan's life, his art, his being.  I am so grateful to have known him, for all our moments together.

Comments

[n.l. belardes]

What a very kind post.

[Shantell]

I am heart broken, and will always remember the look on my moms face when the naked biker walked in. It was priceless...just like him.

[Mayra]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts of our wonderful Kevan. I will mail this to his mother Betty. She, like all of us, are still experiencing our difficult moments, but Kevan's spirit lives on in all of Bakersfield's theatre...and for me, there is much comfort in knowing this.