SONG: Rondel #2 Take 2 ~ @OneStopPoetry Form Prompt

I wrote and rewrote this rondel more than once and I still am not completely happy with it. From reading the words on One Stop Poetry from guest host, Samuel Peralta, I feel better about my need to continually tweak and not being 1,000 percent comfortable.

In our poetry world today, metrical verse isn't practiced as much. I am of the belief the more I practice, the better I will get. For now, this drafty-work-in-process will have to do.

NOTE: I followed the not-quite-correct model offered on One Stop Poetry. Claudia corrected it, but I was actually mirroring an incorrect version. Oh, so that shows why I am so confused.

I am going to keep it in its incorrect form, since it flows better for me that way and kind of makes it into a (slightly incorrect) showpiece.

SONG

I only want to sing my song

Harmonize with the flight of birds

Smiling tribe-friends to sing along

Our life long love affair with words

 

Eyes that see us, shout "You belong!"

Wind blows love into book worm nerds

I only want to sing my song:

Our life long love affair with words

 

Slumber beneath moon's deep tone gong

Mutual focus undergirds

No need for dusty, worn out herds

Reframe meaning of words like "Strong"

I only want to sing my song

===

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Comments

[Claudia]

hi julie - glad you linked up again..

need to break this a bit into stanzas to have a closer look..
some rhymes got mixed up a bit - but that's an easy fix for you - and there's an issue with the B Refrain
apart from this you've done a great job - tetrameter all the way down and yes - the love affair with words - we poets DO have a love affair with words, no? nicely expressed julie

I only want to sing my song (A)

Harmonize with the flight of birds (B)

Smiling tribe-friends to sing along (b) this should rhyme with "birds" (B)

Our life long love affair with words (a) this should rhyme with "song" (A)

Eyes that see us, shout "You belong!"

Wind blows love into book worm nerds

I only want to sing my song: (A)

Our life long love affair with words (B) here should be the B Refrain from line 2 again

Slumber beneath moon's deep tone gong

Mutual focus undergirds

No need for dusty, worn out herds

Reframe meaning of words like "Strong"

I only want to sing my song

[Julie Jordan Scott]

Thank you, Claudia! I was following the model from One Stop Poetry, and I have studied it and restudied it and am trying to figure how I got it wrong.

which has the first stanza as

A - refrain
b
a
B - refrain

So now I am utterly confused!

I was following the model, which is why I am wrong?

I have fixed the formatting to show stanzas.