Firsts and Lasts

Sunrise on the
morning after the
year anniversary of
that joyful first
explosion of hope
between us

I am cursed to
remember these things
First steps, first cups
of coffee, first arguments
first poems written
firsts followed by the
inevitable lasts

The reds and purples and golds
of last nights nightmare
still echo in my ears, the blue
numerals of the clock, "1:07 am"
no you. The first time there
was no you in this year

I let the dogs out
I fluff the pillow
I lie with my eyes wide
open, I read ridiculous
messages about drunken states
and unconsciousness

I blink into the sunrise,
later. And wonder what last
or first this may be
this one I am looking into