The process to this
poem was laughable and laughing one.
First, I started a
stream-of-consciousness list to the myriad number of things I have started,
abandoned, and scooped up again later. It took me a while to get the most
obvious one… in this case my return to the stage after a more than thirty year
hiatus.
On Sunday night, I
won a Best Supporting Actress award for my work at a local theater. This is a
big deal to me, especially given my story. I gave up theater because I thought
it and I weren’t valuable enough to matter. So, as is so often the case, out
went the baby (me) and the bathwater (me) and it wasn’t until years later that
I learned what it all boiled down to, part of which I reveal in this poem.
Silly and me
Rejection isn’t.
Risked when.
The call.
Isn’t picked.
Up.
How long?
Ten years too
Long? Twenty?
Thirty?
Radio signal.
Pure static.
Static. Call.
Not. Deciphered.
Rejection.
Goes.
Unrisked
Until
Can’t make up for
lost time.
No one cares and who
cares that they don’t?
“Normal” people don’t
do this
Applause is for
weaklings and
Act like an adult
and
Bones suck and sometimes
they
Aren’t bones at all
My tail and tale
wagging,
Excitedly “Thanks
thanks thanks!”
Somehow moved into a
chapter
Where I stood and said
a speech
And people applauded
and later
I heard
“I am so glad you
won”
“I was pulling for
you.”
“I am so proud of
you.”
“Your award was
definitely deserved.”
Rejection.
Risked.
Love.
Received.
Sometimes that looks
Like accolades and
Sometimes that looks
Like friends and
sometimes
That looks like
smiles
Shared and softened
eyes
And tears,
one-on-one