Chiara, Teach Me (Get Your Poem On #110 from ReadWritePoem.Org)

I am crabby, even crabbier now than when I first typed words just like this a moment ago.

My computer got very sick this week, so I am using my crusty, old laptop. I am mouseless on a shrunken keyboard and let me tell you, I don't like it. I keep losing things in attempts to copy and paste.

I need to find an alternative, before things get uglier.

What I said before was - I didn't want to write this...I am usually uncomfortable trying something new and I wasn't sure I "got" this brand of transliteration, but I searched for some Italian and came across a woman named Chiara Matraini. The name - Chiara - is a missing link in my life. I was supposed to have a daughter named Chiara, twice - and it didn't happen.

Stumbling across this Chiara felt like a jolt from my blood so I attempted to use the instructions to transliterate some of her lines, which was tough because everywhere I looked, English translations loomed. I only took a snippet and then played with it in a vague, transliteration-esque-sort-of-something.

Now you might be feeling my crankiness, too.

I wasn't going to post anything, but the light I saw this morning was chiarascuoro made tangible, so I had to post this, whether it sucks or not.

Forgive me, Chiara. Forgive me, readers.

in orribil visione, atra e funesta

vidi farti lasciar la mortal vesta

From Chiara Matraini

It is a vision most horrible,
before the funeral
Life, fractured, lascerated,
cloak of mortality
torn away in a flash of red silk,
it is gone  gone gone gone
gone gone gone gone

The Gods reminded you, yes?
To back up your files...
Coal black eyes flash
paradoxical yes gone yes
gone yes gone yes gone

Yes. Touch me here, laments
the dying power button, touch
me here, here, here -
Life, evaported from you
Replaced by a younger laptop
The red silk, a prayer flag

My shoulders give way
to the reality

Everything will be
mortal, divine, saved

Comments

[Therese Broderick]

I really like your strategy of transliteration: to begin your poem with a few words from the original poem, but then depart in a different direction. I really like how the word "mortal" in the original language above is repeated in English, "mortal," in the last line of your poem. I can certainly relate to the situation inspiring this poem. I say you don't have to ask forgiveness from readers. I think the computer-demon needs to ask forgiveness from you.

[Julie Jordan Scott]

Thank you, Therese. I borrowed a bit from Mozart, actually, in one of the arias from Don Giovanni where I had to sing the line, "Toca mi qua qua" over and over again... close enough to the same era, and if it doesn't make sense, I am sure Chiara would understand.

It was the funeral imagery I felt from her original words that got my words moving. I want to read her words translated into English next. I get the feeling I will enjoy coming to know her.

[mark]

This doesn't suck. Bear that in mind. Crabbiness clouds the judgment.

I like how you write about something real, personal and universal all at the same time...

[Anthony North]

You can be crabby anytime if you write like that. Enhjoyed it.

[Cynthia Short]

You ARE funny! How dare that thing you most cherish die on you, the bastard!
( I was surprised you didn't put in the word "fart" for the "farti"..as somethings sputter and fart while in their "death throws"! ha

[Joseph Harker]

Oh come now, this is excellent. You've taken the original and made it your own, adding humor and beauty into the funereal mix. The last couplet is downright astonishing. ^_^

[Tumblewords]

I'm looking for a little shawl of crabby to wrap me for a flash - long enough to move my mind toward a piece as fascinating as this!

[pamela]

Julie it is really a moving piece of work!
Very sensitive and beautiful. I hope you don't stay crabby too long though.

Pamela

[barbara]

Crabby looks good on you. This works just fine. (I love the touch me here, here, here)
I feel for you. My little iBook died just two days after I bought it a new jacket. But its mind was still sharp and its little soul transmigrated just fine.
May you upgrade in all the distractions of life.

[karen]

This is funny and clever and just well done! I'd take that, gladly!

[Neil Reid]

Is this pulling a rabbit from a crabby hat? You're a good magician! Far from an apology, you are a gem to write anyway! (And yes, it's been a love/hate relationship when I've had similar need for my own laptop in the past.) But boy, I want to be on your team if this is how you respond!

[Nathan]

This is thoughtful and emphatic. I like the image of the power button a lot.

[wayne]

dam I like your crabbiness...a very nice piece indeed...thanks for sharing your words

[Nicole Nicholson]

I have to give you props for writing anyway in spite of your crabby and crappy laptop. I especially like your first stanza. You gave a brilliant effort in spite of the obstacles. Reminiscent of my own computer crashes. Thank you for sharing.