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October 06, 2009

Comments

Cynthia Short

You did an admirable job mashing these two together, but I must admit I like them both better separately, just because I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around these mashes!

davidmoolten.wordpress.com

I like how the unbolded text is more calm and objective, and elaborates things more patiently and determinedly to the reader (almost at times like a Shakespearean aside) as well as to the other speaker in the poem. There is also an engrossing story being told obliquely, but with enough information to really draw the reader in.

Julie Jordan Scott

ahhh, David. You heard the metrical verse there in the poem from 2008. I almost didn't want to mash them because one poem was free verse and one poem was metrical and then, I enjoyed the contrast.

Grateful you commented!

Barbara

I like your cabbie, and "sipping--later gulping/ his smile filled words"

Linda Fraser

The places and spaces in your poem are vividly interesting and I wanted to explore them. I liked the rhythms and the tones. The mesh is a well balanced. Thank you for the composition, Julie.

Francis Scudellari

I like the affect of the mash-up, with the phone conversation "playing" over the internal monologue, as if the one is only half-paying attention to the other while deep in thought.

Tumblewords

This makes a fine read - it occurs to me that most of life's conversations are indeed in the throes of mashup. Nice!

wayne

nicely done...I also wonder about mashing these together....I had the same problem with the two I sMASHED together

gautami tripathy

Like this a lot!


I too had problems. Once I started with mine, it was cakewalk.

Booking Through Discussions

Derrick

Hi Julie,

I think these have mashed together well and I enjoy the rhyming.

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