I am multitasking with this entry:
I am fulfilling the ReadWritePoem.org
"Get Your Poem On" #95 Prompt
from celebrity poet, Matthew Hittinger.
It is a "Mash" poem - taking two
previous less-than-stellar poems
and combining them. I enjoyed
this outcome.
It is also fulfilling my "complete a
poem each day in October" so this
is my entry for October 6. I hope
you will read some of my other
entries for this month (which marks
the halfway point to National Poetry
Month, by the way - April.)
= = = = =
She woke me with her ranting call
“I met him”
Destructive force within child-like frame
“A Taxi driving Man from
I retreat beneath my blanket wall
“We discussed Haile Selassie Burkina Faso”
Call impetuousness favored game
“Our children: Mine, his, the others”
For once, just for once, delight me
"It is better life here" he said
Must I blow with forced wind gales?
I want to love you, can’t you see?
Press my chest against wide white sails
"It is better life here" he said
I pull the blanket clear from my sight
The alternative is to give up.
“I wonder if he could be right?”
Just give up. Which I will not do.
Late night frightened whining pup
Not now or then. Not ever. Not true.
"You go to work" "You go home:
"What more could you want to do?"
When I detangle my words
Will they lose luster or spray?
She sat deeper in her seat
Sipping - later gulping
His smile filled words
Move them around the page
I can not worry, I must obey
He continued "No politics" "No trouble"
His children have the American names
Their Ethiopian Mother gave them
The call to end this poem line
"I like it here" Driving a taxi in
Suburban
And hopefully, soon – grow a spine
“What more could you want?"
His question, not intentionally a taunt
Tangled knots of meaning are all mine
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You did an admirable job mashing these two together, but I must admit I like them both better separately, just because I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around these mashes!
Posted by: Cynthia Short | October 08, 2009 at 09:48 AM
I like how the unbolded text is more calm and objective, and elaborates things more patiently and determinedly to the reader (almost at times like a Shakespearean aside) as well as to the other speaker in the poem. There is also an engrossing story being told obliquely, but with enough information to really draw the reader in.
Posted by: davidmoolten.wordpress.com | October 08, 2009 at 12:39 PM
ahhh, David. You heard the metrical verse there in the poem from 2008. I almost didn't want to mash them because one poem was free verse and one poem was metrical and then, I enjoyed the contrast.
Grateful you commented!
Posted by: Julie Jordan Scott | October 08, 2009 at 01:15 PM
I like your cabbie, and "sipping--later gulping/ his smile filled words"
Posted by: Barbara | October 08, 2009 at 01:55 PM
The places and spaces in your poem are vividly interesting and I wanted to explore them. I liked the rhythms and the tones. The mesh is a well balanced. Thank you for the composition, Julie.
Posted by: Linda Fraser | October 08, 2009 at 03:10 PM
I like the affect of the mash-up, with the phone conversation "playing" over the internal monologue, as if the one is only half-paying attention to the other while deep in thought.
Posted by: Francis Scudellari | October 08, 2009 at 07:16 PM
This makes a fine read - it occurs to me that most of life's conversations are indeed in the throes of mashup. Nice!
Posted by: Tumblewords | October 08, 2009 at 09:05 PM
nicely done...I also wonder about mashing these together....I had the same problem with the two I sMASHED together
Posted by: wayne | October 08, 2009 at 09:06 PM
Like this a lot!
I too had problems. Once I started with mine, it was cakewalk.
Booking Through Discussions
Posted by: gautami tripathy | October 09, 2009 at 06:26 AM
Hi Julie,
I think these have mashed together well and I enjoy the rhyming.
Posted by: Derrick | October 09, 2009 at 07:58 AM
If I correctly understand your technique in this ooem -- you took two poems written a year apart and mashed them. I think this is ingenious! I love the time-warp of your approach. I think it would be great to keep going with this -- write a poem next year, then mash the three, etc. This approach have been done before in the poetry world, but I haven't seen it yet (not that I'm any expert). Perhaps truly original!
Posted by: Therese Broderick | October 09, 2009 at 09:27 AM
Barbara - I adored that cabbie. He couldn't be fictional, he was too cool for that. Amazing how a cab ride could be life changing and touch other people, here.
Linda - thank you! Balance works. Line for line, the poems were similar. I simply wove them together and added a few strings, changed a few words, and made it conversational.
Francis! YES! It is like me taking/having a phone call with the past me. LOL. I hadn't thought of it that way until you brought it up here.
Tumblewords - Wayne - thank you. I actually enjoyed the outcome... I think it worked?
Guatami - I am looking forward to reading yours. Wondering if we will have any similarity this time?
Derrick - thank you! There seems to be a growing interest in metrical verse again which makes me happy. Done well, it is so soothing. (Done not so well, it aggravates me.)
Therese - I write voluminously so this mash-up was a natural. I enjoy seeing where I have been... and where I am now... and I loved how these two molded together... sort of reminded me of me being with my younger-sister me...
I appreciate each and all of your comments!
Posted by: Julie Jordan Scott | October 09, 2009 at 10:28 AM