ReadWritePoem# 94 - Precarious

Photo Credit - My Angel and My Devil by Thomas Hawk

I stand, unflinching

Holding the steely balance

Across my center

 

Eternal tension in

this rod we both carry

conjoined forever

 

separated forever

To feel your face with

my hand, my fingertips

 

to feel your eyebrows your

upper lip your earlobe

beyond perfection

 

air separates us from the dangers

of intimacy hanging here, instead

the separation is most precarious of all

 

I see the testimony of the scar

at your core and I know

you know my scar's witness, too

 

Can you hear me in my silence

In the same way I hear you?

I hear you in the steel

 

seeing your scar and feeling

my scar and being unable to move

to you is more precarious than I knew

 

You and me and the steely bar

Braided constantly unchanging

This is what hell feels like

Comments

[Donald Harbour]

Now, that is a mind full of past, pain, and penance. The soul of a poet is a pleasing pasture with occasional stones (some would say a hidden bottomless abyss too). I believe this poem has presented a great deal of them that are a part of the human existance. I very much enjoyed your words. Good interpretation of he photo.
Regards,
DH

[Mark]

Plastic people evincing such human, so very human thoughts and feelings.

Universal and hauntingly well written. I can see similar thoughts being thought by a passenger on a subway or bus...

I also very much enjoyed your poem.

[Paul Oakley]

You've captured something important here, Julie.

seeing your scar and feeling
my scar and being unable to move
to you is more precarious than I knew

I like the "testimony of the scar" and your interpretation of the fact that both figures have it. Nicely done.
_____

Paul Oakley
Blogging his ReadWritePoem poems at
Inner Light, Radiant Life

[David Moolten]

I really like the word "conjoined" and the "testimony of the scar" that follows. Your perspective is both very touching and indicting. The ending is bold but deserved by the build up of anguish in the speaker by his/her situation. Strong.

[Cynthia Short]

Wow, you took something very actual and real (the plastic foosball players) and turned them into something even more real - feelings, wants, desires. The last line wrapped it up perfectly.

[DJ Vorreyer]

I like "I hear you in the steel" - something very intriguing about that.

[Tumblewords]

Surely, it must be hell. Provocative piece.

[wayne]

powerful...and well done....thanks for sharing

[gautami tripathy]

You are so right. Both are poems kind of reflect each other. However, I like yours better. Much much better.

[Julie Jordan Scott]

I am so grateful to read your responses to my poem. This prompt engaged me throughout the week so when these words were born... it reminded me of giving birth to my children.

Thank you, so much, each and all of you.

[zouxzoux.wordpress.com]

Quite stirring words and images. Good job!