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Listen to the Audio for today's lesson and write along here:
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It started during a seemingly innocent coaching conversation.
I sat in a coffee shop with Jocelyn and her husband, Mark. They were speaking quite candidly about their current situation.
The picture being painted was quite grim.
We discussed solutions. I mindmapped the discussion as it unfolded to see if I could get any further delineation by moving my pencil creatively as they spoke their words.
Jocelyn explained her pattern. She would get close to clarity. She would consistently live towards fulfillment or solution but would discover after a few weeks that somewhere along the line she had fallen off track.
She never really noticed she was heading in that direction until she was far from her original intention.
I noted the quality of her voice getting more and more childlike until she closed her dissertation with, "I don't know".
I looked at my mindmap. I had drawn a circle with an arrow pointing downward with the words "I don't know" in the middle.
"How often do you do that, Jocelyn?"
She looked blankly at me, "How often do I do........?"
I responded, "Speak in circles and end in 'I don't know'."
She sat quietly as she considered my question. "Wow. I do that..... a lot!"
William James observed "Most people live, whether physically, intellectually or morally, in a very restricted circle of their potential being."
People paint their circles pointing downward by capping sentences with declarations like Jocelyn's unconscious use of "I don't know". Her subconscious mind hears this declaration and believes it.
Her circle of belief and intention continued in the downward spiral each time she followed the well worn pattern.
However, as Jocelyn's friend and coach, I know that she DOES in fact KNOW!
We devised a strategy. Each time Jocelyn said "I don't know" she would replace it with someting affirming.
Then we took it one step further. Each evening, Jocelyn took a sheet of paper and labeled it with an area she wanted to increase clarity.
She set a timer for five minutes and wrote, "I know….' and allowed her pencil to move across the page. If her pencil slowed, she wrote "I know" again – as many times as necessary – until her five minutes were completed.
Three years ago, I wouldn't have written about personal subjects as much. I was more "into the rules" than I am now. I had the belief everything had to have an obvious lesson, one "nugget" that I guided people toward and tied it up with a bow – an a-ha – an awareness that wasn't there before due to my writing and my life-coach-self.
I thought I knew what I was supposed to write: what was expected, what people wanted from me.
I realized several nuances after I wrote the essay below.
I could write the nuances for you here, sharing with you exactly what I found OR I could invite you to find the nuances that work for you.
I could ask you, "What speaks to you in this essay? What connects your heart to the heart of this story?" and "How will you live differently because of these words?" and "What do you know now that you didn't know before?"
On the first day of Samuel's fourth grade year. I wanted to make sure he was ready and the process went without a hitch so we were outside, ready and waiting, ten minutes early. This year, we had an extra treat. Katherine was waiting with us.
Each year until now she has been at school extra early and wasn't able to see Samuel off.
This year was different. She had a few days left until she went to Massachusetts. At times it feels like we are idling until the big day but Samuel, his year is already revving.
He gave his sister the chair he usually waits in, "Because it's your first time with us, you can sit there, Katherine," he said, as he sat on a wooden chair rather than the overstuffed chair. "Tomorrow you can sit here," he said, indicating his wood chair.
He wore his nervousness in the flicks of his fingers.
Yesterday I continually viewed the movie loop of three years ago, when Samuel was beginning first grade. I remembered the Sunday before that Monday, when he took off running from church at a much faster pace than you might ever imagine.
He made it about six blocks before I called for back up. I couldn't reach him, I didn't know what was wrong, I was crying and breathless and had no idea this was foreshadowing of what was to come. My little boy was holding on as tightly as he could and trying his darndest to run away from what he didn't know how to name.
This year, he hoped for some semblance of stability while knowing he has come a long, long way in these three years. He knew he had many changes ahead and he doesn't run away from them except for in his hands and his verbal review I can see him whispering to himself.
His older, confident sister sat beside him. She woke up early specifically to be present at this event. Samuel felt loved and special. He had his brand new Super Mario Wii backpack on his shoulders.
When the bus arrived nearly fifteen minutes late, he bounded aboard and I said, "Have a great day!" (always four words, he requests, always four words) he didn't even look back, though he has learned to verbalize a response. He got into a seat behind one of last year's friends.
A new year has begun.
Everything will be just fine.
What "movie loops" of your life do you continually revisit?
How has the ending changed over time?
Prepare to Write:
Today we will celebrate all that you know.
If you choose, you may also explore an area you would like to gain clarity using the same technique as Jocelyn.
Write across the top of the page:
"I celebrate my knowing" or
simply, "I know..."
Remember, all it takes is moving the pencil across the page, beginning with the words, "I know."
If your words begin to slow, simply re-state "I know" and continue writing.
Now let's begin – start by simply writing
"I know"
"I know"
"I know"
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