It started as I rested on my porch couch, light leaving the sky. I wrote simply this:
“Twilight falling: completed transfer paperwork for Samuel today. Wrestled with personal not-exactly-demons. Scoffed and growled.”
Yesterday when I got my hair fixed up Jolie gave me permission to be a full-out grouch. No reason to hold my emotion hostage. If I was feeling like the resident of a trash can, my snarl perfectly appropriate.
I forget to give myself credit.
I’ve just completed back-to-back enormous projects. One of my closest friends - and constantly there member of my personal support system - moved a thousand miles from Bakersfield. I expended a lot of energy which, when over, creates a void - and without Jennie and her “Zen house energy” as a possibility for letting my hair and my mood down at times like these, it would be strange if I wasn’t out of sorts.
Why do we forget it is totally normal and acceptable to feel like crap on such occasions?
Today I am going to remember it is normal, acceptable and even appropriate to feel this way. It isn’t a sign of weakness or laziness or being indulgent, it is a sign of being human. It is a sign of love and loss. It is a sign of a job well done.
I remember the wise words of the Wizard of Oz or the man pretending to be the Wizard of Oz when he quoted Alfred Lord Tennyson’s words “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
The sense of loss and the sense of emptiness is a sign of love.
I’m grateful I’ve loved. I will continue loving.
I would rather love - and lose -than not love.
It’s a worthy price for a job well done, for loving and creating as best as I possibly can.
I’ll allow this grouchy season to take however long it needs to take.
Julie Jordan Scott inspires people to experience artistic rebirth via her programs, playshops, books, performances and simply being herself out in the world. She is a writer, creative life coach, speaker, performance poet, Mommy-extraordinaire and mixed-media artist whose Writing Camps and Writing Playgrounds permanently transform people's creative lives. Watch for the announcement of new programs coming in Spring, 2015 and beyond.
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